


met you in room 203

by HC05



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: A-spec relationship, Abuse, Abuse Mentions, Angst, Aromantic spectrum, Asexual Character, Asexuality, Gray Aromantic Character, Hospitals, M/M, Past Mentions of Abuse, chenle has bone cancer, death is discussed a lot throughout this fic, innocent not so innocent boys, jisung has a brain tumour, kisses!!!!, necessary trigger warnings will be in the notes before every chapter, side nomin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:08:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 49,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26077750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HC05/pseuds/HC05
Summary: Where Chenle moves to a new hospital and meets someone who changes his life, while they still have a lifeorJisung and Chenle become best friends but know either could pass away any day
Relationships: Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 13
Kudos: 54





	1. the meeting

**Author's Note:**

> helllooooo welcome to my first chaptered au! i’m super excited for this :]] i’ve worked really hard on it!!!
> 
> chapter updates will be as regular as possible. my plan is to only have 10 chapters but that may change, it’s more a prediction than a solid plan.
> 
> each chapter is gonna be between 6-10k and my schedule for posting will work like this:  
> write a chapter, edit it, write & edit another chapter, post first chapter, keep second chapter in drafts, write & edit next chapter, post second chapter whilst i begin writing the fourth chapter.
> 
> so basically i’ll always have a chapter in the drafts, edited & ready to go while i work on the following chapter!
> 
> oh also, here’s my [twitter](https://twitter.com/aurensle?s=21) and my [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/aurensle?s=21)
> 
> enjoy!!

Chenle examined his new room, sighing at the boring, bland walls. He wasn’t looking forward to decorating them just to be made to leave again. 

“Please get comfortable in the bed, your nurse will be here soon to write up the first report” 

The lady, Jihyeon? Jaeyoon? Jinni? — Chenle can’t remember — informs him before turning around and letting him listen to the clicks of heels as she leaves.

Chenle decided he’d follow orders for once and get comfortable in the raised bed that he’s too familiar with. It was a pain to always move from hospital to hospital; Chenle wondered how long until he leaves this one.

His nurse arrived ten minutes later, just in time before Chenle would start to doze off into a small nap. 

“Good afternoon Chenle!” She greeted far too cheerfully for Chenle’s liking, “I’m Nurse Chaemin, I’ll look over you and check in on you everyday. Today I’ll just write up a quick report on the basic knowledge we need of you, like previous hospitals, blood type, date of birth, and more” She explained, nodding when she finished. He nodded back halfheartedly. 

When she left, Chenle laid down and let himself slip into slumber. He hadn’t slept at all during the four hour car ride, and he barely got a wink last night because of his worries about a new hospital, and the pain coursing through his body. 

He jumped in his sleep when he heard a scream from the room next to his. He seemed to have forgotten that he was in a hospital when fear struck his body. Shaking his head, he got comfortable again and willed himself to sleep. 

He knew he probably shouldn’t sleep, knowing it won’t end well but could care less when his head was pounding and his eyes were drooping. 

—

When he woke up, Chaemin was moving around the room, preparing for a visitor by the looks of it. Chenle sat up, eyebrows furrowed as he asked her what she was doing.

“Oh, you’re awake.” She turned around and smiled, “I’m preparing your room for a visitor. The boy next door wanted to meet the newcomer because he heard you’d be around his age, and he doesn’t exactly have friends from being in here all the time.”

Chenle nodded, “When’s he coming in?” Chenle asked, and as if summoning the boy, there was a knock on the door followed by another nurse opening the door and coming inside with a boy beside her. 

“Sorry to interrupt,” She said, “Jisung is here to meet the newcomer.” She faced Chaemin, practically ignoring Chenle’s presence.

Chenle looked at the other boy. He was tall, and actually quite pretty, but he certainly did not look like he wanted to visit anyone. His hair was covering his eyes, and slapped across his face was a wide frown. Chenle wondered if the nurses had instigated this meeting instead.

“We’ll leave you two to get to know each other.” Chaemin said, grabbing her things, “If you need anything, press the button on this remote.” She smiled, handing Chenle a remote before walking out with the other nurse following. 

“Did you really want to meet me?” Chenle asked, sitting on the edge of his bed so his legs could hang off and swing. 

The other scoffed, “Does it look like I want to visit anyone?” He took a seat in the chair next to Chenle’s bed, sighing and bouncing his leg. Chenle got off his bed and pulled his blinds open, opening the door a bit to get some fresh air.

“You aren’t supposed to do that.” The other boy spoke.

“Why not?” Chenle asked, turning around and squinting at the other boy. 

“Nurses will probably get scared that you want to jump off the balcony or something,” He shrugged, “Anyway, we’ll be stuck together for a few hours, so I’m Jisung and I like board games. Do you have any?”

Chenle closed the door, giggling as he walked to his cabinet filled with board games that he brought from his old hospital.

“I love board games too,” Chenle said, “Oh, and I’m Chenle. Zhong Chenle.”

“Hi Chenle.” Jisung smiled, getting comfortable on one side of Chenle’s bed as Chenle threw the board games to the center of the bed, and climbed onto the side in front of his pillow. 

They played games for a few hours, laughing and enjoying themselves. Chenle liked his presence, and he assumed that Jisung liked his too. 

They were halfway through their sixth game of Monopoly when the nurse who escorted Jisung into the room, walked in and brought an end to their visit.

“I don’t want to leave yet.” Jisung argued, pouting up at the nurse.

“You need to take your meds, and have lunch, Jisung. You guys can come back once that’s done, I promise.” The nurse said, guiding Jisung off the bed as he continues pouting and waves at Chenle.

When the nurse left, Chenle’s nurse walked in and informed him that lunch would be ready in ten minutes. Chenle thanked her, before packing the games away and getting comfortable under his covers. His head was starting to hurt from all the laughing, so he laid down and let himself rest until he would be forced up for lunch. 

Before Chenle could fall asleep, the nurse walked in again and hurried Chenle out of bed.

“Don’t want to miss the hot food before it’s all gone now, do you?” The nurse teased getting Chenle up in an instant. She chuckled, and left before Chenle could ask where lunch was being held.

He sighed. 

He supposed he could find it himself. Or maybe Jisung hadn’t left his room yet and could help him.

Chenle remembered that Jisung told him that his room was 203, whilst Chenle’s was 201. Chenle walked down the hall till he found room 203, and knocked on the door.

The door opened to Jisung, and they smiled at each other awkwardly until Chenle remembered what he came for.

“Are you headed to lunch?” He asked, rolling on the balls of his feet.

“Oh is it lunchtime? I must’ve forgotten,” Jisung rambled, “Did you want to walk together?” Jisung asked, and Chenle rapidly nodded his head. The younger smiled and grabbed a jacket from a stand beside the door, before closing the door and walking with Chenle downstairs to the cafeteria.

“So, how long have you been here?” Chenle asked.

“A few months,” Jisung replied, “It’s actually not as bad as I make it out to be, I’m just sick of hospitals in general.”

Chenle felt Jisung’s statement hit home. He’s moved from hospital to hospital for two years, and was definitely sick of sleeping in those stiff, high raised beds instead of his old bed. 

“Why are you in here?” Jisung asked, pulling Chenle from his thoughts.

“Bone cancer.” Chenle responded, “Diagnosed two years ago. Been in and out of different hospitals because of it but my family has quite a lot of money so they’re adamant on finding a cure or treatment before I drop off.”

Jisung went quiet. Chenle wondered if he shouldn’t have been so blunt. 

“I have a brain tumor.” Jisung said quietly. Chenle watched the boy’s face twist from confused to sad, “Sometimes I forget things that are really hard to forget for an ordinary person, so if I forget your name or room number, I’m sorry in advance.”

“Hey, don’t apologise,” Chenle uttered softly, “You can’t control it. Besides, some days I’m in too much pain to get out of bed, so we both aren’t perfect.”

Jisung smiled sheepishly, and Chenle felt something inside him ping with delight. He liked Jisung’s smile. 

They walked into the lunch room, Jisung taking his usual seat whilst beckoning Chenle to sit opposite him. Chenle complied happily, smiling at the nurse who handed him his food. 

The food looked fine, better than Chenle expected. He dug into his mashed potato, almost mewling at the delicious taste.

“You weren’t lying when you said this hospital isn’t that bad.” Chenle joked, gulping down more forkfuls of mashed potato before moving onto his vegetables and slices of pork.

Jisung ate slowly, carefully cutting his pork and filling his fork up with vegetables and mashed potato. Chenle scrunched his nose at Jisung’s eating habits. He’d always hated mixing his food when he eats, it was routine for him to eat everything one at a time, saving all meats for last. He had got himself stuck into the habit and enjoyed it too much to bother stopping. 

The nurses approached their table with cups of water, and another cup of apple juice. Chenle scrunched his nose again, he hated apple juice.

“Is there an alternative to apple juice?” He asked the nurse.

“You get what you’re given, and you accept what you’re given.” She stated before walking off. Chenle frowned, she was not very nice.

“Don’t worry about her,” Jisung said. “She’s one of the mean nurses, do you want the juice swapped for more water?”

“Anything really. I just don’t like apple juice.”

“Ok, I’ll call my nurse. She always swaps things out for me if I dislike them.” Jisung smiled, reaching for the remote in his bag that allows him to alert his nurse that he’s in need of something.

She walked up to them a few minutes later, apologising for the wait as she was a few floors above, cleaning another patients’ bathroom.

“That’s fine Eunbi,” Jisung smiled, “I was just wondering if you could swap Chenle’s apple juice for something else. He doesn’t like apple juice and the other nurse was mean to him when he asked.” Jisung explained. Chenle plastered a smile on for the nurse who looked between Jisung, himself, and the full glass of apple juice on the table.

“Yeah, of course!” She smiled, “What would you like instead, sweetheart?”

“Just another water would be fine. Thank you.” Chenle smiled briefly again. The nurses at his previous hospital were all like the one from before; mean. Chenle could definitely get used to having nice nurses around. He could also get used to finally having a friend.

The nurse left with his glass and returned from the kitchen with a new one, filled with water. She placed it in front of him and informed them to buzz her again if they needed anything, before walking out to attend to other patients.

Chenle drank his drinks, finishing his last slices of pork and neatly placing his knife and fork in the center of his plate. Jisung did the same moments later.

“C’mon, let me show you the garden.” Jisung jumped up, extending his hand for Chenle. Chenle took his hand, surprised at the gesture but also trying to hide the small blush that creeped onto his face. 

Jisung casually swung their hands as he hummed and walked them out of the cafeteria to the garden.

The garden was small, and closed in by the buildings, but Chenle didn’t mind as Jisung pulled him towards the flower bed.

“I helped grow this,” Jisung said, squeezing Chenle’s hand before letting go and inspecting the flowers closer. “I’ve asked the nurses if we could start a fruit patch, so I can grow tomatoes or squash again. I used to have a big garden at my house, and I would spend nearly everyday there with my dad.” Jisung smiled nostalgically. 

Chenle leaned down and smelled the flowers, “It’s beautiful Jisung. Your dad would be proud.” Chenle said, not realising the weight of his words as he continued to explore the flower bed. 

When he turned around again, Jisung was sitting on the bench, with tears in his eyes. The boy hadn’t even tried to hide them as they ran down his face.

“Jisung?” Chenle approached him carefully, “What’s wrong?”

Jisung sighed, wiping his face, “It’s ok. I’m ok, I just miss my dad.” Jisung sniffled, “A lot.”

Chenle sat next to him, gently pulling Jisung’s head onto his shoulder, “Hey, it’s ok. I’m sure he misses you too. Does he visit?”

Jisung snickered, “He’s dead Chenle.”

Chenle felt a strike in his heart, he did not expect that.

“Oh, Sungie,” The nickname slipped, “I’m sure he still misses you, and he’s still proud of you. Hey, look at me.” Chenle cupped Jisung’s cheeks softly, making sure to be as careful as possible with the fragile boy.

His tears had started to dry, but his face was still sad and Chenle’s heart broke to see him this way.

“It’s ok.” Chenle whispered, pulling Jisung into a hug. Jisung reciprocated the hug immediately, a weight falling off his chest as the older boy enclosed him into a safe space. Jisung nuzzled his face into Chenle’s neck, arms wrapped around Chenle’s waist as the elder rubbed his hand up and down Jisung’s back.

It was soothing, and Jisung didn’t want to move. They stayed like that for a while, basking in each other’s presence. Chenle felt his own stresses wash away as Jisung started to fiddle his fingers along Chenle’s waistline.

Jisung pulled away eventually, rubbing his eyes and raking a hand through his hair. He grinned shyly at Chenle, who was trying his best to not look too concerned or pitiful. 

“Let’s go inside?” Jisung asked. Chenle nodded, reaching for Jisung’s hand and entering the hospital again. 

Chenle felt his body start to stiffen up again, the pain overwhelming him as they walked to the elevator. Chenle squeezed Jisung’s hand tighter and leaned on him a bit. The elevator was empty, and opened immediately, so the boys got back to their floor quickly.

“Do you want to come into my room?” Jisung asked, as they approached his door.

“I think,” Chenle puffed, “I need to lie down for a while.” He said, walking to his door.

Jisung waved, “I’ll see you later then?”

Chenle nodded, waving back before stumbling into his room and diving into bed. 

—

“Hey Chenle,” Chaemin walked in, smiling at the boy who was still lying in bed, facing the door, “How are you?”

“Tired.” He replied, “My pelvis is really sore.”

“Do you want to place pillows underneath your hips? That may help relieve pain.” She said, reaching for the cupboard with extra pillows.

“Yes please.” Chenle replied.

“Oh, you also have visitors. They claim to be your parents, do you want me to let them in?” She asked, helping Chenle get the pillows underneath his hips.

“Yeah, that’d be great.” Chenle smiled. Chaemin smiled back, ruffling his hair before walking out and closing the door.

Moments later, the door reopened and another nurse was escorting Chenle’s parents in. They walked up to his bed, and greeted him with cheek kisses.

“We’re sorry we couldn’t help you get settled,” His father said as his mum sat on the edge of the bed, “Your mother had a meeting in the office, and I was stuck in the office too.”

“It’s ok, you’re here now.” Chenle said, “I made a friend already.”

His parents smiled at him, and asked about his friend. Chenle told them about Jisung, before they changed the subject and conversed about Chenle’s condition.

Chenle hated when they talked about him in front of him, especially when he can understand everything they say.

His parents were worried, but never really showed it. They always meant business in Chenle’s eyes, even when it came to their son’s health. It was safe to say that Chenle was sick of it, but at least his parents were here. Inadvertently, Chenle thought of Jisung and the pain brought on him regarding his deceased father. Chenle was glad he didn’t have to go through that. 

Chenle’s parents were in the middle of discussing surgery for Chenle’s cancer when his father’s phone rang.

“Oh, one second. Sorry Chenle.” He said, grabbing his phone and leaving the room abruptly.

His mother turned her attention to him, brushing his hair off his forehead with a sweet smile on her face. 

“Can you fetch me some water from the bathroom? There’s cups in there.” Chenle asked. His mother nodded, placing her phone aside before walking into his bathroom, and coming out moments later with a cup of water.

“Do you like this place so far?” She asked.

“Yeah,” Chenle said in between sips, “Jisung showed me the garden, and we played board games together. It’s been a fun day, but I’m in a bit of pain now so hopefully it goes away before dinner. I want to have dinner with Jisung again.”

“Sounds like you and Jisung have gotten greatly acquainted already.” She noted, happy for her son.

“Yeah, we have. He’s really nice, his room is just down the hall actually.” Chenle said.

Chenle’s father walked back in, a small hint of panic on his face. 

“I’m afraid we need to cut our visit short Chenle,” His father said, “Honey, we need to go back to the office now. Something’s happened.”

“Oh ok, is it urgent? Let’s stay a few more minutes.” She suggested, but his father shook his head.

“We must go now if we don’t want this problem to blow out of proportion.” He said, scaring Chenle and his wife. “I promise we’ll come in another time Chenle, have a good night.”

Chenle nodded, allowing his parents to leave. His mother kissed his forehead first, before following her husband’s hurried footsteps.

Chenle sighed, looking at the time and realising just how draining it is for him to see his father. He’s always had a good relationship with his mother, but his father brought a strain on everything. It wasn’t particularly his fault, he was just a very different person to Chenle and Chenle’s mother. 

Chenle sees his mother as gentle and kind, but his father has always been impatient and hotheaded. 

Chenle decided to call Chaemin in so he can ask when dinner is served.

“7:30pm.” She answered, “Is that all you called me for?”

“Uh,” Chenle hesitated, “Actually I was also wondering if I could see Jisung again? Is he available?”

“He’s in his room as far as I know. I’ll check and if he’s there, I’ll ask if he wants to come in here.” Chaemin said, “I’m assuming you want him in here, rather than you go there because of your pain, right?”

Chenle nodded, touched by the nurse considering his pain.

She returned moments later with Jisung behind her.

“It’s 6pm now, and dinner is in an hour and a half, so you guys can spend all the time together but if it hits 7:30pm, make sure to come down for dinner. I’m working in the kitchen tonight so I can’t come up and escort you down, but if I don’t see either of you at dinner, I’ll come up here and make sure everything’s fine.” She instructed. The boys nodded, silently thanking her as she exited the room.

“You wanted to see me?” Jisung asked, pulling the chair up to Chenle’s bed, and sitting so he’s nearly eye level with Chenle’s shoulder. 

“Yeah,” Chenle said, “I would’ve gone to your room but I’m in pain and can’t exactly get up. Thanks for coming over.”

“Of course,” Jisung said, “I was dying of boredom in my room, so I’m glad to escape it for a bit. Wanna watch some YouTube together?”

Chenle nodded, watching Jisung pull his phone out and smile at his phone as he pulled up YouTube videos for them to watch.

“Who are they?” Chenle asked. Jisung had put on a video of a group dancing but Chenle hadn’t caught the title of the video.

“Dream.” Jisung said, “They’re a K-pop group, my favourite group to be specific. I actually used to go to school with one of the members.”

Chenle watched the video closer, amazed at their synchronisation and beautiful vocals.

“I like them,” Chenle said, “They’re really cool.”

“Aren’t they?” Jisung agreed, bobbing his head as he put another video on. This time it was a video of the five members sitting on a couch and talking.

“Tell me who’s who.” Chenle said.

“Before I do that, do you think you could nudge over so I can lay down too?” Jisung proposed.

Chenle nodded, slowly moving over so Jisung had enough space to slip under the covers next to him. Chenle felt himself blush for the second time today.

“Alright,” Jisung mumbled, holding his phone up again, “This is Minhyung, he’s the oldest. Then next to him is Donghyuck, next to him is Jaemin, then Jeno and Renjun. Renjun’s Chinese like you,” Jisung said, “Oh and I went to school with Jaemin. They’re under the company NC and they debuted in 2017, around the time that I was diagnosed with the brain tumor. Oh, also they have an album coming out soon.”

“Wow, you seem really passionate about them.” Chenle noted. 

Jisung stared at his phone with a longing look, before smiling off Chenle’s comment. _Weird._ Chenle brushed off his behaviour, focusing on the video again. 

It ended shortly, and Jisung decided to put cat videos on instead. Chenle didn’t mind, but he was confused as to why Jisung was suddenly acting off. He couldn’t hide the deflating aura he was spreading as Chenle was lying right next to him, and some parts of them were touching.

Chenle decided not to mention it. He didn’t want to make the air awkward, and he certainly didn’t want to force Jisung to talk. Instead, he focused on the cat videos and cooed along with Jisung.

“Do you want to hang out tomorrow too?” Jisung asked, when the video was over.

“I’d love to.” Chenle responded.

Jisung smiled, putting his phone down. He slipped out of the bed, and sat back in the chair and Chenle felt himself deflate this time, due to the loss of warmth beside him. 

“I’m glad we’re friends,” Jisung said, “I’ve actually never made a friend who was staying in the same hospital as me. Mainly because everyone is too old, or the people my age are just plain weird.”

“I think you’re weird.” Chenle blurted out for the purposes of surprising Jisung.

Jisung smiled at him, “You’re not so bad yourself.”

“Did you just take me calling you weird as a compliment?” He furrowed his eyebrows.

“Well, how else did you mean it?” Jisung giggled, “I take immense pride in my weirdness, thank you very much.”

“Jeez, you really _are_ weird.” 

Jisung laughed, raking a hand through his hair. Chenle smiled, watching the younger boy in his own little bubble. 

“What’s the time now?” Chenle asked.

Jisung checked his watch, “6:45. Still plenty of time, where’s your phone? Maybe we can play games together.”

Chenle’s eyes went wide, “My phone!” He yelled, “I have no idea where it is, oh god. I haven’t used it all day, and I don’t remember where I put it.”

Jisung stood up, walking around the room to find it. Chenle wanted to get up and search too, but he was still in pain and knew he should only get up when it was time to head downstairs for dinner.

“Is this it?” Jisung asked, holding up a phone.

“Bring it closer.” Chenle squinted, not recognising the phone as his. Jisung walked closer, handing the phone to Chenle for inspection. “Oh no, this is my mum’s phone. She must have left it here.”

“Your parents came over?” Jisung asked, and Chenle nodded. “Well, why don’t you just use your mum’s phone in the meantime.”

“No, she’s probably only got work related stuff on here. My phone should be around here somewhere. I’ll look for it in the morning.” Chenle said, putting his mum’s phone on the table next to his bed. 

Jisung sighed, shrugging at Chenle’s answer. He walked to the chair again, sitting in it and swinging his legs.

“What do you want to do then?” He asked, hands folded in his lap.

“Let’s just talk,” Chenle suggested, “You can sit on the other side of the bed if you want, I can cross my legs.”

Jisung shrugged again, climbing onto the bed and looking at Chenle once he was comfortable.

“So, what was your last hospital like?”

“Boring, bland.” Chenle said, “The nurses were all mean like that one from lunch earlier, and whenever I asked to go outside for fresh air, they only allowed me five minutes.” Chenle huffed.

“That sucks.” Jisung said, “At least here you can be outside for as long as you want.”

Chenle smiled, “So what other hospitals have you been to?”

“This is actually my third hospital, so I haven’t travelled in and out much. The first one I stayed at was really poor, because at the time my mum was in debt to... someone. But eventually she built up enough money to send me to a better hospital, which I left a few months ago to come here. The second one wasn’t too bad, but I definitely prefer this one and hope I don’t need to leave. What about your hospitals?”

“Well, my parents are very indecisive so they make me move a lot even if I don’t want to, so I’ve been to around eight hospitals in the past two years.” Chenle said, “My parents are also very rich, they’re CEOs of the Albumlot company. But yeah anyway, my past hospitals have all been very different, the last one I was at was good in terms of managing my pain and condition, but the nurses were mean like I said.”

“Hopefully you can become a permanent patient here,” Jisung said, “Also, are both your parents CEOs or just one?”

“Both. My mum mainly runs the office, and my dad manages the manufacturing. It’s a bit typical, but my mum always says that the office work is much harder than managing the manufacturing work because she used to manage it, and she had no troubles with it.”

“That’s really cool of her.” Jisung smiled, “My mum is in and out of jobs. She used to have a stable one, but she went through a rough patch when my dad died so she lost her job.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, that sounds tough.” Chenle said.

“It’s fine, she’s fine now.” Jisung said, “She comes in from time to time, maybe you can meet her.”

“Yeah, that’d be cool. You can meet my parents too.” Chenle smiled. 

“So, where did you used to go to for school?” Jisung asked, propping his elbows on his thighs and resting his chin in his hands.

“Seoul Grammar and Arts.” Chenle said. His old school was one of the most prestigious high schools in South Korea, but when you have CEO parents, it’s expected to be at a rich, prestigious school.

“Wow,” Jisung mumbled, “I used to go to Dancing School High.”

“Ah, I know that school,” Chenle commented, “So you were going to become a dancer?”

Jisung nodded, “Yeah. I was on a dance team actually, and we used to participate in competitions with other dance teams. We nearly went national once.” Jisung said, a mix of passion and sorrow in his voice. 

“That’s really cool Jisung, I’m sorry you lost it.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry too.” Jisung replied, “About you losing your place at your school. Seoul Grammar is an amazing school— it’d be horrible to lose your place just to be stuck in these gloomy places.”

“It’s not so bad,” Chenle said, “At least I don’t have hours of homework a night anymore.”

Jisung laughed, eyes crinkling at the edges. Chenle laughed too, realising what he said was interpreted as a joke.

“My only homework used to just be Korean, math and dance assignments.” Jisung recounted.

“Why math?” Chenle asked, “What’s math going to do for a dancer?”

“No idea, just a requirement to know I guess.”

“Math is boring, I’m glad to have escaped it.” Chenle responded.

“Yeah, me too.” Jisung laughed, “I do really miss dancing though.”

Chenle looked at Jisung, who was staring at his own lap and trying to hide his disappointment. Chenle leaned forward as far as he could, and placed his hand on top of Jisung’s.

“Hey, one day, you’ll get out of this shithole and you’ll get that dancing career.” Chenle said, softly, “I promise.”

Jisung smiled, squeezing Chenle’s hand before it was retracted, “You shouldn’t make promises that you can’t keep.”

Chenle smiled back. He knew he couldn’t keep the promise, but hope was enough to keep the both of them going. 

“Are you good to get up?” Jisung asked, “I just remembered that if we get to the dinner room early we can grab the best portions.”

Chenle internally groaned, he was still in pain around his pelvis and it had spread to his legs earlier. He’s been lying down for a while though, so maybe walking will help the pain ease.

“Yeah, I can get up now.” Chenle removed the covers and slowly lifted himself out of the bed. Jisung stood next to him, watching him intently to prepare to help in case Chenle needed it. 

Once Chenle was steadied, he walked towards his door and left the room. Jisung was following behind him, but first he made sure Chenle wasn’t paying attention to him grabbing his mothers’ phone and hiding it in his pocket. 

They walked to the elevator together, and Chenle was surprised that his pain wasn’t stopping him from being able to walk. Jisung chatted about Dream’s upcoming album, and how he wants to buy it but he’s conflicted on which version to get.

Chenle paid attention, but also drifted in and out of focus but he caught the main idea and chipped into the conversation politely. They sat down in the dinner room together, taking the seats closest to the kitchen, and waving at Chaemin who was busy preparing food in the kitchen with a few other nurses. 

“Hey boys,” Chaemin greeted, walking out of the kitchen, “You’re down early. I suppose that means your pain is gone, Chenle?”

“Not completely, but I can walk so it’s not too bad.” He smiled.

“Well that’s better than nothing,” She said, “Oh, also after tonight’s dinner I want you to go back to your room and wait there for me. I’ll be there with a few nurses to give you your meds, and take a detailed report on how you’ve felt today. We’ll be doing this every night after dinner, so please say your goodbyes after dinner and go to your own rooms.” She instructed.

“Will do.” Chenle responded. She smiled and went back into the kitchen.

“I hate those daily reports,” Jisung retorted once she was out of a hearing distance. “Sorry I forgot to tell you about them.”

“It isn’t your job to tell me,” Chenle said, patting Jisung’s head. “Do you know what’s for dinner tonight?”

“Usually there’s a menu on the walls, but I think they forgot tonight,” Jisung said.

Chenle nodded, mumbling a small ‘Ah’. The other patients were starting to file in, and Chenle realised he hasn’t paid much attention to the other patients the whole day.

He took this time to look around, and familiarise himself with the faces of the other patients. He came to realise that there were a lot of middle aged and senior patients, in comparison to young patients. Once the hall was almost full, Chenle noticed that the only young patients were himself, Jisung and another boy who was sitting with older patients.

“Who’s that kid?” Chenle asked, trying to show Jisung who he’s referring to without pointing.

“Ah, that’s Yangyang.” Jisung replied, “He’s been here for years. I’ve never talked to him before, he isn’t very talkative so I just keep my distance.”

Chenle nodded, lingering his eyes on Yangyang before he was interrupted by a nurse placing a tray of food in front of him. After thanking her, he began to dig in.

“Ah! I just remembered!” Jisung semi shouted, “Tonight’s surprise dinner meal night. That’s why there’s nothing on the menu.” Jisung said, snapping his fingers as if his discovery was brilliant.

“Surprise dinner meal night? That’s a thing?” Chenle asked.

Jisung nodded, “Every Thursday night they hold one, because Friday night is when they go all out on a fancy meal.” 

“Fancy meals? Sign me up.” Chenle joked, laughing along with Jisung.

Their chatter stopped as they consumed their food. Chenle had been given a hamburger with chicken nuggets and a mini salad on the side, whilst Jisung got a plate of kimchi with rice. 

Chenle ate his burger, before moving to his salad and nuggets. Jisung ate slowly again, but there wasn’t much on his plate, so they finished around the same time. 

“Can we leave now?” Chenle asked.

“Not yet,” Jisung said, “They’ll bring the drinks around soon.”

“Don’t tell me they’re going to give me a glass of apple juice again.” 

Jisung laughed, “Don’t worry, apple juice is only for lunch and sometimes breakfast. They only give water at dinner.”

“Oh, thank god.” Chenle exaggerated. 

The nurses came around with a glass of water each, placing it in front of the patients. Chenle grinned when Chaemin handed him his water.

The water was extra cold, due to the ice cubes, and Chenle guzzled it down before realising how thirsty he was. 

“Damn, I need to drink more water,” He said, “This stuff is so good!”

Jisung laughed, taking small sips of his, “You think?”

“Heck yeah, I’m so thirsty I could probably drink warm water.” Chenle replied, chugging the last drops from his cup before slamming it on the table again. Jisung pulled a face at his comment, mumbling that warm water is disgusting.

Jisung stood up after he finished his drink, gesturing at Chenle to follow him. They walked to the elevator together and back to their floor.

Jisung approached his door, as Chenle kept walking to his. They stood outside their doors, looking at each other first to say goodbye.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Jisung asked, hand on the knob of his door.

“See you tomorrow Jisung.” Chenle said, before opening his door and walking inside. 

Before climbing into bed, he walked around the room to find his phone. He rummaged through the cabinets, and bags he’d left under his bed, but it wasn’t there. He started to wonder if he had even remembered to bring it with him from the last hospital.

A jolt of pain shot through his leg as he was looking underneath his bed, and he nearly fell if it weren’t for the railing on the side of the bed that he latched onto. Slowly, he pulled his weight onto the bed, and let himself relax into the sheets, willing the pain away.

Chaemin walked in, with two other nurses, immediately noticing Chenle’s hand on his leg and scrunched eyes.

“Chenle? Are you okay? What happened?” She asked, approaching the bed.

“My leg…” He trailed off.

The other nurses placed their clipboards down, getting their materials out to inspect Chenle’s leg. Chenle laid still whilst they pushed into pressure points along his hip and leg, asking if he felt pain in any spots. Luckily, he was able to say no to every spot.

“I just felt a shock throughout my leg when I was bending over, and nearly fell.” Chenle stated, “Sorry to scare you.”

“Don’t apologise Chenle, you can’t control this,” Chaemin responded sweetly, “From now on, no bending over, alright? If you need something that’s out of your reach, you call one of us.”

Chenle nodded, too tired to put up a fight.

“Now, we need to fill out this report and give you your meds, so don’t fall asleep on us just yet bud.” Chaemin said, clicking her pen.

After they’d filled out his report and given him his meds, they left him to get some sleep. Chenle knew it was too early to actually fall asleep, but he couldn’t get out of bed and he had nothing to occupy himself with as his phone was still missing.

He rolled over, and as he closed his eyes, he noticed his mother’s phone was no longer on the table that he had placed it on earlier. 


	2. private books

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter involves the explicit mention of fractured bones so if that is something you don’t like reading, please be careful or click away!
> 
> also this chapter goes into depth about the aspec community (asexual & aromantic) and i’d really appreciate if there are no rude comments about my community.
> 
> also thank you for the kudos & comments on the last chapter!!!!! chapter three will probably be up this weekend as i have a big test on friday and need to spend the next few days studying for it! 
> 
> oh also, 7dream!!!! wooooo!!!!!!!!

Chenle woke up in pain, again. His legs felt numb, but the pain in his pelvis had at least subsided a bit. He forced himself to get out of bed, as he didn’t want to be stuck in bed all day, wasting the beautiful day away when the weather was nice and Jisung was most likely waiting to hang out.

First, Chenle went into his bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth. He patted his bed hair down before leaving the bathroom, and opening his sliding closet doors to find an outfit for the day. He looked down at the clothes he was wearing and realised he fell asleep in the attire he was wearing yesterday.

“Ah, yuck,” He mumbled, “I should take a shower.”

With the pain in his legs, he didn’t trust himself to shower without supervision, so he called Chaemin. She walked in moments after being buzzed, with a bright smile on her face.

“Morning Chenle, what can I do for you?”

“I want to shower, but my legs still feel a bit numb and sore from yesterday so I think some supervision would be good.”

“Oh, of course. Do you want me to stand in there with you, or wait out here?”

“I really don’t care if you stand in there with me, I just want to shower without falling and dying.” He stated bluntly, walking into the bathroom and starting to strip down after Chaemin gave him a hesitant nod.

She walked in behind him, closing the door but leaving it unlocked for legal reasons. The shower was opposite the door, so Chaemin stood by the door whilst Chenle showered with the curtain pulled across, hiding his naked body. 

After Chenle cleaned himself, and climbed out of the shower, he gave Chaemin the green light to leave the bathroom. 

“Breakfast is in twenty minutes, so get ready! If you need me again, give me a buzz and I’ll be over as soon as possible.” She said, before walking out. He thanked her as she left.

Once he was dressed, he grabbed a towel and dried his hair, before styling it quickly with his brush. He left the bathroom, and approached his rings, sliding a black ring onto his right hands’ middle finger. He also put a necklace on that his grandmother gifted him for his 15th birthday, before exiting his room. 

As he was walking down the hall towards the elevator, Jisung walked out of his room and ran after Chenle. Chenle was startled when Jisung ran past him to get his attention.

“Hi Chenle!” He yelled a little too loudly.

“Hey Jisung! Uh, why are you running?” Chenle asked, pressing the button on the elevator to go down, before leaning against the wall. His legs were starting to stiffen already.

“Just wanted to get your attention without touching you.” Jisung said, smiling and puffing a little.

Chenle brushed his comment off, not entirely knowing how to respond but also appreciating Jisung’s knowledge on not randomly touching someone. Chenle chose to laugh it off. Jisung was weird, but a good weird. The weird Chenle would come to love.

“Hey, what’s the meaning behind that ring?” Jisung asked, pointing at Chenle’s black ring. Chenle shrugged, not feeling like explaining the real meaning. Chenle wasn’t sure if Jisung knew what asexuality even was, and it was too early for Chenle to deal with explaining his sexuality for the upteenth time. 

“Are you sure?” Jisung asked, pulling a face that looked like a mix of confusion and revelation, “My cousin wears a black ring on her middle finger, and on her right hand. She never told me the reason why though…” Jisung trailed off, before soaring up again, walking faster to express his excitement, “Do you know my cousin?” He asked, with the widest expression of shock on his face.

Chenle threw himself forward in laughter, there was no way Jisung was being serious right now.

“Jisung, you can’t seriously think I know your cousin just because I’m coincidentally wearing the same ring on the same hand and finger.”

“That sounds like a very suspicious coincidence though.”

Chenle sighed, wishing for the elevator to hurry up and open, “Fine. I do know your cousin Jisung.”

“You do?”

“No!” Chenle yelled in spite, “How could I possibly know your cousin Jisung? Jeez…” He laughed, “This ring is for asexuals. Maybe your cousin is asexual.”  
  
“Oh, yeah she is.” Jisung mumbled.

“Hey, sorry, that was mean of me to trick you like that.” Chenle said, patting Jisung’s back as the elevator opened and they walked in together.

“Gotta admit, you had me for a second,” Jisung laughed, making light of the situation, “I nearly questioned my entire life for a second.”  
  
“Oh, you’re so silly.” Chenle giggled, trying to play off how he was leaning on the railing in the elevator.

“Are you ok today?” Jisung asked after a few moments of silence passed, “You know, with your pain and stuff?”

“Yeah,” Chenle sighed, “It’s not as bad, at least in my pelvis area, but it’s a bit hard to walk because my legs are stiffening up from being numb.”

Jisung nodded, bobbing his head along to the elevator music. Sometimes, Chenle noticed that Jisung wasn’t very aware of his surroundings, but he was curious about everything around him at the same time.

It was kinda cute to watch him inspect everything around him, taking it all in with a grain of salt. The elevator binged and the doors opened, and as if Chenle’s stomach was anticipating breakfast, his stomach grumbled. 

Jisung laughed, walking out of the elevator, “Good thing we’re about to have breakfast.” He said, walking past Chenle who blushed and walked to catch up with Jisung before feeling his left leg cramp. 

He slowed his pace, knowing the table was only a few meters ahead of him and he could let his leg rest once he’d reached the table. Jisung sat down, before noticing he left Chenle behind. Jisung stood up again to help Chenle walk with ease.

“Thanks Sungie.” Chenle said, plopping down on the chair and resting his head against his arm on the table. “Walking is such a task when my legs cramp.” 

“Maybe you should get crutches, or a wheelchair.” Jisung said, sitting opposite him.

“Nah,” Chenle said, “My parents don’t want me in those. They’re ableist as hell, and would rather me walk with my cramped legs than crutches or a wheelchair because they’re so firm on getting me surgery that will make this all vanish.”

“Well, you said they’re rich, so if they are rich, wouldn’t they have gotten you that surgery already?”

Chenle laughed, “Tell that to them.” 

The conversation died down, as Chenle kept his head rested on his arm, and stretched his legs every which way to try and relieve the cramps. Jisung tapped on the table, taking in his surroundings again. 

The nurses came around a few minutes later, placing bowls of cereal in front of the boys. They also placed a plate with a slice of toast next to the bowl, informing them that it was important to eat both so they didn’t get hungry before lunch. The nurses also gave them water and apple juice before walking back into the kitchen.

“Apple juice again?” Chenle groaned.

“Here,” Jisung took Chenle’s cup of apple juice and gave him his water cup, “We’ll swap.”

Chenle smiled, “Thanks Jisung. You better make sure you have some water later though.”

Jisung waved him off, “I drink enough water as it is.” He remarked, digging into his bowl of cereal. 

Chenle decided that he’d eat his toast first, not exactly like the look of his cereal. It was a bit soggy and there wasn’t lots of milk. Chenle didn’t want it to get even more soggy though, so he put his toast down and dug into the cereal. It didn’t taste as bad as Chenle thought it would, in fact it was super sweet and tasted like honey. 

Jisung, on the other hand, was enjoying his cereal so much, he had already finished and was using his apple juice to clean his mouth, before taking a bit out of his peanut butter toast.

The time ticked on and Chenle finished his breakfast a few minutes after Jisung. Chenle was surprised that Jisung finished his food so quickly today, compared to yesterday when he ate so slowly.

“You ate that fast.” Chenle noted.

“Yeah,” Jisung replied, “Breakfast is my favourite, I always eat it fast but other meals I get carried away and forget there’s even food in front of me.”

“That’s really unique Jisung.” Chenle said.

“You can call me weird if you want to Chenle, I don’t care.” Jisung responded.

Chenle’s mouth gaped like a fish before he composed himself, “Hey, no. I don’t think you’re weird, your habits aren’t weird Jisung, they’re what make you; you. Don’t belittle yourself like that.”

Jisung offered a tight-lipped grin before getting out of his seat, gesturing at Chenle to get up.

“Let’s go to my room today, you can rest your legs.” He said.

“Don’t you wanna go to the garden though?” Chenle asked, slowly getting up and walking beside Jisung.

“Nah, not if you’re having trouble walking. The garden can wait for another day, or I could just go when you’re asleep if I really want to.” Jisung said, guiding them out of the cafeteria towards the elevator. 

Chenle fiddled with his ring as they both waited for the elevator to open. Chenle noticed Jisung looking at the ring, so he stopped twisting it and rather, focusing on the sky outside the window.

“It’s beautiful out there Jisung, are you sure you don’t want to go out?” He asked, almost pleading at this point.

“Chenle. You’re in pain, and I can see that when you walk. We aren’t going outside today.” Jisung stated in a tone that made Chenle back down. 

The elevator opened and Eunbi came out, greeting the boys before walking into someone else’s room. They piled inside the empty elevator, loving that they always catch it when no one else is inside. Chenle rested against the railing again, trying to make it look as discreet as possible so he could convince Jisung to take him to the garden later.

The elevator opened to their floor, and both boys started the walk towards Jisung’s room. Abruptly, Jisung stopped walking.

“Where are we going again?” He asked. Chenle looked at him, noticing the lost expression on his face.

“We’re going to your room Jisung. Room 203, remember?” Chenle said, placing a hand gently on Jisung’s arm.

“Oh, yeah, right. Thanks.” Jisung said frazzled.

Chenle felt bad but tried to brush it off so Jisung wouldn’t feel bad or useless for something completely out of his control. Chenle guided him towards his door, and asked Jisung to open it. Chenle knew he could’ve just opened it, but he wasn’t sure if Jisung would’ve wanted him to do that. 

Chenle walked into Jisung’s room, admiring the posters and decorations around the room. Jisung sat on the bed, distressed but trying to overcome it. As if sensing Jisung’s stress, Chenle placed his hand on top of the younger’s shoulder, caressing the smooth skin softly.

“Hey, it’s ok. Let’s talk about your posters, I didn’t realise you’d have so many. You really like them, huh?” Chenle soothed.

Jisung nodded, “Probably more than I like dancing.” He whispered. Chenle suddenly felt guilty again, Jisung was talking in the same voice he spoke in when he was discussing his father. Chenle wanted to know why but knew it wasn’t his business.

Chenle walked around the room a bit more, ignoring the cramp spreading through his left leg. He was experiencing no pain or cramping in his right leg, which was rare. Chenle noted to ask the nurses to check his leg out later. 

“I have a question,” Jisung adjourned randomly, “My cousin told me that being asexual means you don’t experience sexual attraction to anyone, correct?”

“Yes, that’s exactly what it is. Why?” Chenle sat in another chair, finally giving in to the cramps.

“She said something about a lack of romantic attraction too, but I can’t remember what it was called.” Jisung mumbled, “Oh! Wait, she gave me a book on it! You see, she loves books and so do I, so she gifted me a book to help me understand her better.” Jisung beamed, walking to his bookshelf, quickly finding the book and pulling it out. 

He handed it to Chenle.

The title read, ‘Guide To Asexuality and Aromanticism 101’. Chenle snickered, he knew about this book but never had the chance to buy it because he was afraid of his parents finding it.

They were always adamant on him getting a girlfriend, and treating her right but even romantically, Chenle wasn’t interested in girls. 

He flipped the book open, skimming the contents and going to chapter one. The title of the chapter was, ‘The A-spec Community’.

“This is really cool Jisung,” Chenle said, “But I don’t understand why you’re giving it to me. I already know so much about the community.”

“Well, don’t tell my cousin but I never exactly got around to reading it,” Jisung blushed, “And seeing as we can’t go outside today, I was thinking maybe we can lay in my bed and read this together, and if you’re comfortable, you can answer my questions if I have any?”

“But we can go outside Jisung.” Chenle said, trying to find an excuse.

“Chenle, I’m not letting you outside with all those pains. I can see how much pain you’re in from miles away. Plus, I really want to know more about the community.” Jisung pouted.

Chenle sighed, “I guess we can do that,” He closed the book and threw it on the bed, “I’m gonna need some help getting in though.”

Jisung laughed, before realising that Chenle was being serious. He pushed himself out of his chair quickly and walked to Chenle’s side, acting as a railing for Chenle who climbed into the left side of Jisung’s bed. Jisung jumped onto the other side, trying to make sure his legs didn't knock Chenle’s just in case it could cause the elder pain.

Jisung picked up the book again, flipping to page one.

“What does A-spec mean?” He asked, getting a giggle from Chenle in return.

“It’s short for Asexual or Aromantic Spectrum.” He informed the younger. Jisung blushed, before beginning to read the words out loud.

“—the Aromantic and Asexual spectrums are separate spectrums, despite overlapping in the word A-spec. 

The Aromantic spectrum refers to individuals who are not Alloromantic (read: someone who experiences romantic attraction to whatever gender(s) they’re attracted to and are not on the Aromantic spectrum). There are many different identities on the Aromantic spectrum, such as Gray-Aromantic, Demiromantic, Aroflux, Lithoromantic, etc. 

The Asexual spectrum, on the other hand, refers to individuals who are not Allosexual (read: someone who experiences sexual attraction to whatever gender(s) they’re attracted to and are not on the Asexual spectrum). There are also many different identities on the Asexual spectrum, such as Gray-Asexual, Demisexual, Aceflux, Lithosexual, etc.

It is important to note that the spectrums are very different, and if one is, i.e. Asexual, it does not mean they are Aromantic too. However, there are many people who are both, and can be called AroAce for short. Asexual can be shortened as Ace, and Aromantic can be shortened as Aro. Individuals who are AroAce don’t experience romantic or sexual attraction to anyone, but relationships and sex are choices, whilst being Aromantic and Asexual is not, so if an AroAce person is in a relationship or having sex, they aren’t any less Aromantic or Asexual.”

Jisung stopped reading for a bit, letting himself take in the information. Chenle was smiling at the book, feeling validated and emotional. He wished he’d bought this and just hid it from his parents when he could’ve; this book was already his favourite of all time.

“My turn.” Chenle said, grabbing the book from Jisung. Jisung moved closer so he could still read the words as Chenle read them aloud. 

“There are many microlabels within these spectrums, that can be used as identities but the implications of these identities mean that the person using them are either Aromantic/Aro-spec (on the Aromantic spectrum) or Asexual/Acespec (on the Asexual spectrum). 

Examples of these microlabels include the following:

Cupiosexual/Cupioromantic: the desire to pursue a sexual or romantic relationship.

Apothisexual/Apothiromantic: one who is romance or sex repulsed. (read: repulsed does not mean sex or romance negative. Romance/sex negative refers to someone who thinks sex/romance is bad, repulsed is feeling extremely uncomfortable, or even sick, around the mentions or actions of sex/romance.

Placiosexual/Placioromantic: someone who enjoys performing sexual/romantic acts on someone, but has no desire to receive them back.

Autochorisexual or Aegosexual: someone who isn’t sexually attracted to anyone but still enjoys the action or idea of sex.

Once again, these are only microlabels and if anyone is on the Aromantic or Asexual spectrum, and these microlabels apply to them, they are not by any needs required to identify with them.”

“Those names are really long,” Jisung interrupted, “Do you identify with any of them?”

“To be honest, I’m just hearing about them now, so I don’t and I don’t think any of these apply to me. I’m not sex repulsed, but I also don’t want sex at all, so I think I’m just sex indifferent.” Chenle responded. Jisung nodded, and mumbled for him to continue.

“Before discussing identities on the spectrums thoroughly, here’s a list of important terminology:

Aphobia: the act of oppressing, erasing or disrespecting Asexual and/or Aromantic identities.

AroAce: Aromantic Asexual people. 

Aro: short for Aromantic.

Ace: short for Asexual.

Tertiary attraction: a term originated from the Aromantic community to describe attractions other than romantic and sexual.

Oriented AroAce: an AroAce person who uses the Split Attraction Model to represent their tertiary attraction.

Angled AroAce: someone on the Aro and Ace spectrum, who is not strictly Aromantic and Asexual, who uses the Split Attraction Model to represent their tertiary attraction.

Electio AroAce: someone who is AroAce (or AroAcespec) and does not experience tertiary attraction.

Amatonormativity: the normalisation of romantic attraction and belief that romantic attraction is more important than other types of attraction.

Queerplatonic Relationships/Partnerships (QPR/QPP): a relationship type created in the Aromantic community for Aromantic people who wish to date but not in a romantic relationship. QPR/QPPs are not necessarily romantic, but are also not ‘just friends’ and should not be disregarded as a close friendship, as most QPR/QPPs involve marriage, adoption/having kids or living together. (Note: these depend on the person and their relationship. Not every QPR/QPP is the same.)”

“Ok, this is amazing and all, but I think I need a break,” Jisung said. “That’s a lot of terminology, and my brain is going insane right now.”

Chenle frowned, wanting to continue reading. He realised he knew so little about his own community and he wanted to know more. He was completely enthralled and perplexed by the complexity of his community.

“Can I keep reading silently?” He asked.

“Yeah sure,” Jisung said. “Hey, wait, I hope you know I think all of this is super cool, and not weird at all.”

Chenle smiled, his heart warming, “Thanks Ji, it means a lot.”

Chenle started reading it, again, in his head.

‘ _It’s important to recognise that aphobia exists, and affects A-spec people almost everyday. The oppression may not be comparable to the oppression of gay, lesbian and transgender people but oppression is not a race or scale of comparison. All forms of oppression shouldn’t be tolerated._

_Aphobia comes in many forms. The main one being erasure. The A-spec community has always been a part of the LGBTQIA+ community, but is often belittled and erased, with the A being played off as standing for Ally. This is not true, allies are not LGBTQIA+, whilst A-spec people are and have always been LGBTQIA+._

_There are other forms of aphobia but they may be triggering for some, so they will not be listed in this book. If you wish to know more, use the Internet as there are lots of resources regarding aphobia from A-spec people on there._

_Another form of aphobia is downplaying Asexual and Aromantic people as straight. There are heterosexual Aromantics, and heteroromantic Asexuals, but they are still Asexual and Aromantic, making them a valued member of the LGBTQIA+ community. If you accept straight Trans people in the community, then you should have no problems accepting heterosexual Aromantics or heteroromantic Asexuals as the A stands for Asexual, Aromantic and Agender so if anyone is apart of the Asexual or Aromantic communities, then they’re also apart of the LGBTQIA+ community._

_If you do not agree with this statement, then it means you see Asexuality or Aromanticism as a side identity, and not an important part of someone’s identity. Which is another form of aphobia. Asexuality and Aromanticism aren’t perks to someone’s ‘real’ identity. Asexuality and Aromanticism are real identities, and just because a lot of members of the community uses the Split Attraction Model, does not mean they’re any less Asexual or Aromantic._

_The road to figuring out one’s Asexuality or Aromanticism is not easy. Especially in a world where romance and sex is prioritised. From the moment someone is born they’re thrown into the arms of romance, and conditioned to place a part of themself on romance. We’re conditioned to believe that without romance, our life is incomplete which leads to many Aromantic people thinking they’re broken when they realise they don’t experience romantic attraction like everyone else. For Asexual people, this may be a bit more complicated to explain, but if an Asexual is in a relationship, they may have to deal with intrusive questions like, ‘How can you date someone if you don’t have sex?’ and for Asexuals who do have sex, they’re probably met with the question, ‘How are you Asexual if you have sex?’._

_The answer to that question is Asexuality is not about sex. It’s a sexuality, yes. But so is gay, bisexual, lesbian, pansexual, etc. But would you claim these sexualities are solely about sex? No, you wouldn’t. So you shouldn’t do the same to Asexuality, especially if Asexuals are the ones telling you that their sexuality is not solely about sex._

_If you understand the statement, ‘Action does not equal attraction’, then you’d understand that not having sex does not equal Asexual and having sex also does not equal Asexual. The pure definition of Asexual is a lack of sexual attraction._

_Sexual attraction can be defined as finding someone sexy, hot, etc. It can also be getting aroused at the thought of doing sexual things with them. Of course Asexuals can get aroused, (However, every Asexual is different and being aroused is never a must), but getting aroused by another person usually equates to sexual attraction.’_

Jisung waved his hand in front of the book, realising Chenle was completely lost in what he was reading.

“Hate to stop you, but lunch is ready Chenle.” Jisung said, smiling at the boy who looked up, dumbfounded to discover a nurse standing at the door.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Chenle said, “This book is just— freaking amazing.”

“I’m glad you like it, how about we read more after lunch? It’s started raining outside, so even if you could walk with ease, we aren’t allowed outside when it rains in case we catch a cold or slip over.” 

Jisung said, climbing out of bed and rushing to Chenle’s side to help him out of the bed. Chenle thanked him and said he’d love to read more after lunch whilst he leaned on Jisung to get onto his own feet steadily. 

They walked the long walk to the cafeteria again, via the elevator that weirdly didn’t have anyone in it again. Chenle’s starting to wonder if Jisung and him are the only ones who use the elevator.

When Chenle sat down, he realised he’d walked down without any pain in his leg. He was relieved that the pain was gone, but didn’t feel too satisfied as he knew the pain would be back soon, as it always came in waves. Chenle was just glad this wave had passed.

“That book was really interesting Chenle,” Jisung said, fiddling with his fingers on the table, “Have you ever met an aromantic person before?” Jisung asked nervously.

Chenle shook his head, looking out for the nurses who’d bring over his food, “I’ve never met an asexual person before either, I just knew I was when I first heard the term in a TV show.”

Jisung nodded his head, looking around for the nurses too. They were currently the only ones in the cafeteria, and Chenle wondered how early they were. He forgot to put his watch on this morning, and he still didn’t have his phone, so he couldn’t exactly check.

Suddenly, he remembered what he saw last night before he fell asleep.

“Oh my god,” Chenle said, “I just remembered that last night before I fell asleep I noticed that my mum’s phone wasn’t on the table I put it on before we left the room yesterday. I haven’t searched for it yet, but I’m worried that I’ve misplaced it for good like I misplaced my own phone. My mum won’t be impressed, she has practically everything on that phone.” Chenle rambled.

Jisung’s eyes moved rapidly around the room, before focusing on Chenle and smiling innocently at him.

“I’m sure it’ll show up soon.” He said.

Chenle was going to respond with his complaints on how he isn’t allowed to bend down and he’ll need to call a nurse in to help him search but the nurses interrupted their conversation with their plates of food.

This time, it was Eunbi handing them the food.

“Eat up.” She said, with a smile before walking back into the kitchen to carry more trays out to other patients. 

Chenle stared at his food; soup with buttered bread. It’s been a while since he’s had soup, so he dug in immediately devouring the delicious taste and perfectly buttered bread. Jisung was given soup too, but he pulled a face before eating his bread separately. 

“You don’t like soup?” Chenle asked. 

“I used to, but not anymore,” He said, “My dad always made me soup but after he died and I started eating others’ soups, I realised how good my dad was at making soup.”

Chenle laughed, trying to make light of the situation and mention of Jisung’s deceased father.

He wondered how long ago his father passed, Jisung talks about his father more than he would’ve expected for someone who was still grieving. He reminded himself that grieving a parent is probably not something that just randomly stops. 

He ignored his thoughts, and continued eating his lunch. The hall was now filled with patients, and once again, Jisung was looking around the room as he chewed his bread and ran his fingers through his hair.

The elder tried to follow Jisung’s eye line and figure out who he’s looking out, but Chenle realised Jisung wasn’t looking at anyone and was just staring into the void.

“It’s not raining anymore,” Chenle said, poking Jisung to get his attention, “Wanna go out after this?”

Jisung shook his head, “I told you we aren’t allowed when it rains. Even after it’s stopped, we aren’t allowed till the next day in case we slip from the wet ground.”

Chenle pouted, “Rules are so strict around here.”

JIsung laughed, finishing the last bite of his bread, “It’s for our safety Chenle.”

The pout remained on his face, but he kept chatting with Jisung as he finished his soup. Jisung still hadn’t touched his soup, and Chenle felt bad for the nurses because he’d just wasted their food.

“Do you want me to eat that?” Chenle proposed.

“It’s cold already Chenle.” Jisung breathed. Chenle pulled the remote out of his bag, pressing the button to call for his nurse.

“I’ll just ask them to warm it for me.” Chenle smiled, not wanting to waste the perfectly good soup. 

Chaemin walked up to them, taking the soup after Chenle asked her to warm it up a bit for him. She returned with it moments later, asking Chenle how his legs were feeling today.

“They’re fine now Chaemin,” Chenle smiled, moving his soup around with his spoon, “Thanks for warming this up.”

She smiled, before turning to Jisung who was eyeing Chenle’s soup with a sad expression, “Hey, Jisung right? Your nurse, Eunbi, told me she wants to see you in your room as soon as possible so I suggest you go up there.” 

“Oh, alright, thanks Chaemin.” Jisung said, telling Chenle that he’ll be back soon before excusing himself.

Jisung walked up the stairs as there was a line by the elevator and he didn’t want to keep Chenle waiting too long for him. Once he got upstairs, he realised he’d forgotten his room number again. 

He stood at the top of the stairs for a moment, willing his brain to remember the number. _You’ve been here for months and can’t remember three stupid numbers._ Jisung decided to get his remote out, flipping it over and seeing his room number written on the back. _Room 203._

When Jisung walked into his room, Eunbi was sitting in the chair, holding a phone in her hand. Chenle’s mothers’ phone. _Fuck._

“Whose phone is this?” She asked.

“Mine.” Jisung answered, not wanting to explain to his own nurse that he stole from Chenle after knowing him for a day. 

“Are you sure?” Eunbi asked, not buying Jisung’s answer.

He nodded, walking towards her and taking the phone from her hands. He unlocked it, thanking Chenle’s mother for not having a lock on her phone— which was actually rather stupid of her, and showed Eunbi the homescreen which he’d change to a photo of himself last night.

“Ok, I believe you.” Eunbi said, “But when did you get a new phone?”

“My mum gave me it last time she was here,” Jisung lied, “I just haven’t gotten around to using it until last night, and then I left it lying around after I fell asleep,”

The last sentence wasn’t particularly a lie, because Jisung did use the phone last night and was reckless enough to leave it laying around for anyone to see. Jisung was just glad it was Eunbi who found it and not Chenle. 

“Ok, well I’ll be off then. Sorry for interrupting your lunch.” She said, offering a smile before exiting the room.

Jisung sighed, clutching the phone tightly. He was so close, too close, to being found out. Jisung decided he wouldn’t go back downstairs, and would rather search the phone for the number of the famous boy he once went to school with. He needed to get this phone back to Chenle before he slips up again. 

The phone had so many contacts, Jisung wondered if Chenle’s mother would even have the number of an idol in her phone.

Sure, her company produces albums for the company said famous person is under, but having his personal number is probably a major privacy breach.

Jisung sighed, knowing he was crossing so many lines and probably breaking some laws right now. He pushed away his guilt and opened the messaging app, scrolling through her messages, trying to land on jackpot.

A conversation caught his eye after he saw the name, ‘Dream’, ‘Jaemin’, and the other boys' names in Korean amidst all the Chinese conversations. Jisung clicked on the conversation, realising she was talking to the CEO of NC about sales for the upcoming album. 

He scrolled through the conversation, looking at past conversations but only finding that they were talking about business. After more scrolling, a number within a text caught his eye. The text read, ‘Here’s the number of Dream’s manager. If there are any delays or problems with the album, contact him.’

Jisung’s face lit up as he pressed on the number and was diverted to another text conversation with the manager. There weren't many texts amongst them, but Jisung was surprised to see lots of phone numbers being exchanged between the pair.

He gasped, analysing the texts. Dream’s own manager was giving out the members’ numbers. He was a bit disturbed that their privacy was breached without them even knowing, yet glad simultaneously. He didn’t want to breach their privacy obviously, but he wanted Jaemin’s number so he could contact his old friend. 

Jisung checked the time, and realised he should head back downstairs before Chenle starts to worry.

Jisung hid the phone under his pillow, deciding he’ll message Jaemin later after he copied the number into the contacts section of his own phone. As he was walking towards the elevator, he noticed nurses rushing down the stairs, panic-stricken. Jisung hoped whoever they were running after was alright.

The elevator opened, and Jisung walked back into the cafeteria, finding his table empty. Jisung felt a tinge of sadness when he realised Chenle had left, not even bothering to find him either. Jisung saw Chaemin coming out of the kitchen in a rush, other nurses behind her.

“Hey Chaemin, where’s Chenle?” He asked.

“I’m sorry Jisung, I can’t talk right now. Chenle hurt himself outside. Go find Eunbi and stick with her for a while.” Chaemin said, before running off with the other nurses to the door that led to the garden.

Jisung stood in the middle of the cafeteria with his mouth hanging open. He was trying to process what Chaemin had said, but everything processed as panic and Jisung soon realised he was shaking and being guided to sit down by Eunbi.

“Hey, Jisung, can you hear me?” She said, handling him with care.

“Chenle… hurt himself?” Jisung processed, “Where is he? I need to make sure he’s ok.”

Jisung stood up, trying to leave the cafeteria, but Eunbi gently pushed him back down and prevented him from getting up again.

“Let the nurses deal with the situation right now Jisung.” She soothed, “Let’s go back to your room, and you can wait in there until Chenle is ready to see people.” She offered her hand to Jisung, who ignored it and dragged his feet along the ground towards the elevator.

Eunbi settled him in his bed, and made sure he was occupied with distractions while she did some cleaning to supervise her patient.

—

An hour or even two passed, and Jisung was still stuck in bed, playing PUBG on his phone. 

“I’m going to Chenle’s room to check if you can visit him now.” Eunbi announced after vacuuming the floor.

“Can I come with you?” Jisung asked, “I’ll wait outside.”

Eunbi sighed, nodding her head before opening the door for Jisung to exit first. They walked down the hall together to Chenle’s room where the door was closed, but Jisung could hear voices from inside the room and the shuffling of feet. 

Eunbi knocked on the door, slipping inside and instructing Jisung to wait outside for her. 

He heard her asking how Chenle is, and if Jisung was allowed to come inside. Jisung leant against the wall, tapping his foot against the floor. 

Eunbi opened the door again, poking her head out and telling Jisung that he could come inside now. He walked in, ignoring the five nurses surrounding the room and walking towards Chenle who was lying on the bed with a cast around his left leg.

“What happened?” Jisung’s tone was soft and full of concern.

“Just decided to go outside, and slipped like you said I would.” Chenle said with a laugh. Jisung scrunched his nose at Chenle’s reaction, wondering how he could be laughing when he injured himself into a cast.

“What about the cast? Was the fall that damaging?” Jisung asked, noticing the nurses start to leave and give them privacy. Eunbi stayed, sitting in the corner of the room and filling out paperwork as the two interacted.

“Just a small fracture,” Chenle said, “It’ll be off in six weeks.”

Jisung sighed, “Jeez Chenle, you’ve been here for two days and you’ve already injured yourself. What are your parents going to say?”

“Hey, it’s ok Sungie,” Chenle said, placing his hand on Jisung’s arm, “This isn’t the first time this has happened, I’ll be fine.”

“This isn’t the first time?” Jisung yelled. 

Chenle giggled, trying to soothe the stress Jisung was pushing onto himself.

“Jisung.” Chenle breathed, “I said I’ll be fine. Don’t you believe me?”

Jisung sighed, coming down from his high, “Yeah… I believe you. Just be more careful next time! I told you we aren’t allowed outside,” Jisung said, clearing on edge, “I shouldn’t have left.”

Chenle frowned, not liking Jisung’s sad tone. “Hey, no. You aren’t allowed to blame yourself for my inability to care about my fragile legs. I would’ve gone outside even if you were there.”

Jisung frowned, “That doesn’t make me feel better Chenle.”

He smiled, rolling his head around on his pillow. Eunbi was staring at her watch when Jisung looked over; he hoped he wasn’t going to get kicked out soon.

“You should go back to your room Jisung,” Chenle said, “I’m sleepy and I think your nurse has better things to do than supervise us.”

Jisung thought about it for a second, before a light chimed in his head.

“Wait, I wanna give you something.” Jisung said, “I’ll be right back.” 

He rushed out of the room, into his own room. He grabbed the book Chenle got invested in from earlier, before grabbing Chenle’s mothers’ phone too and speeding back into Chenle’s room. 

Chenle was fiddling with a string hanging off his blanket when he saw what was in Jisung’s hands.

“Oh my god!” Chenle squealed, “You found my mum’s phone?”

Jisung nodded, smiling widely at the elder boy, “I don’t know how it got into my room, but I found it in there, also I want you to have this book. You looked so happy when you were reading it, I think you deserve to keep it.” Jisung handed the book and phone over, ignoring the questioning look from Eunbi.

“Thanks Jisung,” Chenle smiled, “I really appreciate it.”

Jisung smiled back before sighing, and looking around the room to buy more time with Chenle. Chenle placed the book and phone on his table again, mumbling that he’s relieved that his mum won’t need to buy a new phone now.

“Um, so I’ll see you at dinner?” Jisung asked awkwardly.

“I think I’ll be having dinner here, so maybe I’ll see you tomorrow.” Chenle looked up at Jisung, before the younger smiled at him and said his goodbyes. 

He exited the room with Eunbi following behind him.

“I thought you said that phone was yours?” She asked, “Did you lie to me Jisung?” She tried to keep up with the long strides he was taking to avoid conversing with her. Jisung was stubborn, but also had enough respect for himself to not discuss something as personal as this with his own nurse. 

Jisung sighed, “Yeah. I did. I’m sorry Eunbi, I just couldn’t tell you the real reason.” He remarked, trying to not sound passive aggressive. Eunbi still kept on talking though.

“Why do you even have a reason to be holding onto Chenle’s mothers’ phone?” 

They stopped outside Jisung’s door, the boy haphazardly deciding he wouldn’t let her back into the room. He wasn’t in the mood to explain his situation to his nurse, she wouldn’t understand. In fact, she’d probably be alarmed at the illegal activity he committed.

“Like I said,” Jisung opened his door, “I can’t tell you.” 

He walked into his room and closed the door before Eunbi could say anything more. She huffed and walked off, deciding it was better to stay out of his business than get muddled up in teenage drama, if you could call it that.


	3. secrets spill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter has mentions of vomiting and migraines so if you dislike that, then please don't read or skip over those parts. however, also be aware that they are mentioned multiple times at different times in the story. i don't write the vomiting in detail, just mentions of it happening.
> 
> thank you for the support on the past two chapters, i hope you enjoy this chapter <3 chapter four will be out soon! but the schedule i had has kinda flopped and i haven't even started chapter four let alone chapter five so i'll take the weekend to plan them and get my crap together lol
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/aurensle?s=21) [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/aurensle)

Chenle sat in bed, flipping through the pages of the A-spec book Jisung let him keep, whilst sipping on a juice box Chaemin brought for him. He was told he had to get up for lunch, but was granted breakfast in bed. He wanted to get up for breakfast, but the nurses didn’t let him as it was far too soon for him to be walking on his leg.

The nurses informed him that he’d be given crutches when he goes downstairs later for lunch. He had been constantly checking his watch, excited to get up and spend time with Jisung. 

He regretted going outside yesterday even though Jisung told him not to, but he had really wanted to see the garden and there was no one around at the time to stop him. He was just glad he fell in an area with windows in every corner, otherwise he doesn’t know if the nurses would’ve found him as quickly as they did. 

Chaemin walked in again with a clipboard in one hand and pen in the other.

“Hey Chenle,” She smiled, “I forgot to do your daily report last night because I was stuck doing paperwork with the doctors about your fracture, so I’m here to do it now.” She said, taking a seat and proceeding to ask him about yesterday.

Chenle recounted his day in terms of the pain he felt, and laughed when he got to the pain about his fracture. The throbbing in his leg still hadn’t died down, even though the nurses had given him painkillers with his dinner last night.

Chaemin asked him a few more questions about his sleep and how he feels lying in bed for so long, before putting her pen away and setting her clipboard aside.

“Do you want me to call in some other nurses to help you get into fresh clothes?” She asked. Chenle looked at his clothes, realising he slept in his outfit from yesterday again. He wasn’t exactly in the mood to get undressed in front of random nurses, so he shook his head and told Chaemin he was comfortable in what he was in.

“I would love some company however.” He said.

“Unfortunately, you’ll only be able to see Jisung during lunch and dinner tonight. His nurses don’t want him to leave his room today except for meals.” She informed Chenle, noticing his upset expression. 

“Why’s that?” Chenle asked.

“He has severe migraines and woke up vomiting Chenle,” Chaemin said, “He isn’t in the right condition or state of mind to see anyone today. I don’t even think they’ll let him out for meals, because of how noisy it can get down there.”

Chenle nodded, understanding her but still feeling upset at the thought of not seeing Jisung at least once during the day. He hoped something would change, so they could see each other.

“Is it alright for me to have lunch and dinner in here then?” He asked, thinking it’d be a total waste of effort to go downstairs if Jisung wouldn’t be there.

Chaemin sighed, wanting to give Chenle what he wanted but knowing she needed to do her job first and foremost.

“The doctor says if you want a speedy recovery then you need to get used to using your crutches, and you need to exercise your legs enough so you don’t need any therapy to relearn how to walk Chenle.”

“Relearn how to walk?” Chenle scoffed, “I only fractured my leg.”  
  
“Yes, but if you don’t get up enough during your recovery then you might need a few days of walking therapy, or you’ll be in pain when you walk, especially when your bones are extra fragile as it is.”

“Fine.” He huffed. He didn’t want to relearn how to walk, especially because it’d probably mean going to another part of the hospital far from Jisung.

“You can have lunch in bed though, I don’t want you getting up so soon. When dinner comes around, it’d be a good idea to get up though and use your crutches to get to the cafeteria.”

Chenle nodded, looking around his room for something to use or play with while he spends most of the day in bed. He spotted his pack of cards on his shelf, and considered occupying himself with games of solitaire at some point in the day.

“Can you pass me that pack of cards?” He asked, pointing at the deck of cards sitting opposite his bed and under his TV. Chaemin walked towards it, grabbing it for him, and also picking up the TV remote to hand to him. He took it gratefully, knowing he’d want to watch TV more than anything else.

“Try to rest up. You didn’t sleep too well last night with that pain I’m guessing.” She said, before leaving the room with her clipboard. Chenle smiled, she almost knew him too well already. He’d been rolling around all night, as carefully as possible because of the cast, due to the pain in his leg. It wasn’t severe enough to concern him, but it certainly hurt enough to make him lose hours of sleep.

Chenle grabbed his mothers’ phone, unlocking it and downloading some apps. He knew he shouldn’t, but he made a mental note that he’d delete them before she would see her phone again. He started playing PUBG, laughing every time he died, just to start a new game and die again. 

There were noises coming from the room next to his, and Chenle realised it was coming from Jisung’s room. He sighed, not wanting to hear the gruesome noises of Jisung throwing up the entire day; not because it was gross, but because Chenle didn’t like hearing Jisung in pain, and he clearly sounded in pain with every heave and retch. 

Chenle continued playing his game, deciding if he made the music and sound effects loud enough then he won’t be able to hear the noises coming from room 203. He put his mum’s phone down after a few games, but first he deleted the game. Chenle sighed, looking around his room for something else to do, before noticing the TV remote next to him. He grabbed it and turned the TV before his cramps could make him take a nap.

He flicked through the channels, going back to the Korean Idol! channel after passing it and seeing the faces of Dream pop up on the screen. He realised they were having an interview on a bright stage, probably because they’d perform after the interview.

Chenle turned the volume up, and watched the interview intently. The interviewer was asking them questions about their upcoming album, and a few questions about their personal life. The answers were smooth, and Chenle wondered if they rehearsed their answers.

 _“So, Jaemin. I heard you went to Dancing School High, what was that like?”_ The interviewer asked, _“I’m sure it would’ve contributed to your position as an idol.”_

 _“Yes, it definitely did,”_ Jaemin responded. Chenle inspected him for a moment, he looked maturer than the Jaemin he saw in the videos Jisung had shown him, and his hair was blue instead of brown, _“It was a really fun school, I loved every moment of it. Especially the dance group I was in, they were a really cool group of boys and I’d say outside of Dream, they’re my only other friends.”_

Now Chenle felt bad for him. What Jaemin had said was so sad and made Chenle realise that most idols don’t have friends outside of their groups because of schedules. Chenle changed the channel, not wanting to watch them anymore or he’d dwell on Jaemin’s comment too much and feel even worse for the boy. 

Chenle had too much sympathy, even if he tried not to, and it wasn’t any good for him.

Instead of dwelling, Chenle found a Chinese cooking show, and instantly relaxed hearing his native tongue. His thoughts about Dream were pushed aside as he drooled over the delicious plates of Chow Mein and Kung Pao chicken being cooked on the screen.

He laid further along his bed, closing his eyes and listening to the audio of the TV. He wondered if Jisung was friends with Jaemin, before Jisung was admitted into a hospital, as he slipped into a small slumber.

—

Chenle woke up to nurses setting up a tray table across his bed, just above his stomach whilst Chaemin stood beside the bed with a tray of food, waiting to place it on the steady table. 

“Afternoon Chenle,” Chaemin said, after noticing that he’s awake, “How’d you sleep?”

“Good,” Chenle rubbed his eyes, “How long was I out for?”

Chaemin looked at her watch, “Well it’s one thirty now, so an hour or two I suppose.”

Chenle pushed his hair around, and got comfortable in his bed as Chaemin placed the tray of food in front of him. They’d prepared a plate of fried rice, with mashed potato and a few pieces of cooked pork. He was so happy to be at this hospital when he examined his food, his old hospital’s food wasn’t nearly as good as this.

The nurses left and Chenle started eating right away, raking up all the rice and finishing it within a few minutes. The mashed potato was still warm when Chenle started eating it, and he nearly cried out loud about the impeccable taste. 

When Chenle finished his food, he grabbed his deck of cards to play with on his mini table, sorting it into solitaire and playing countless games by himself. All of a sudden, there was a knock on his door and a boy walked in. Chenle recognised him, it was Yangyang.

“What are you doing in my room?” Chenle asked. Yangyang looked puzzled, before opening his mouth to speak. Chenle felt a bit bad for being so blunt, but he did get a bit of a fright from the random intrusion, so he had every right to be blunt.

“I have a, uh, note.” He mumbled, “It’s from Ms Park, I suppose you’re her son.” Yangyang walked closer to hand Chenle the note, but Chenle turned it down.

He shook his head, “That’s not me buddy.”

He focused back on the deck of cards that hadn’t moved far even though Chenle’s body had hit the table a few times when he was trying to get a proper view of Yangyang without straining his neck.

“Oh.” Yangyang backed away a bit, confused for a moment, “Is this not room 203?” He looked lost like a deer in headlights, it was kinda funny.

Chenle giggled, piecing together that Yangyang was supposed to go to Jisung’s room.

“This is room 201.” Chenle said, outstretching his hand for the note Yangyang was holding, “I can hold onto it though. The patient in room 203 is my friend, I’ll give it to him later.”

“Are you sure you’ll be able to?” Yangyang asked, looking at Chenle’s cast. Chenle scoffed internally.

Chenle frowned, “I can _still_ walk even though I’m in a cast Yangyang.”

“How’d you know my name?” Chenle forgot for a moment that he and Yangyang hadn’t formerly met until this awkward exchange that wouldn’t have happened if the boy hadn’t gotten Jisung’s room number wrong.

“The patient in room 203 told me.” Chenle said discreetly.

“Ok, well I’ll be off.” Yangyang said, walking forward to give Chenle the note before spinning on his heels and walking out the door.

_Weird._

Chenle put the note aside, knowing it wasn’t his business to open a note intended for Jisung from his mother. Instead of worrying about the contents of the note, Chenle went back to his game of solitaire.

—

“You can’t be serious.” Jisung said, as Eunbi tried to make him swallow a strawberry and banana flavoured medicine. He hated those flavours in medicine, especially when they’re supposed to only be in kids’ medicine. Jisung almost protested that he was nearly an adult as Eunbi held out the small cup for him.

“Jisung, don’t be stubborn now, this will help with your stomach.” She beckoned, pushing the cup closer to his lips. He remained still, and didn’t let her pour it into his mouth.

“Shouldn’t you be giving me something stronger than this?” Jisung frowned. Eunbi sighed, shoving the tiny container into his hand and telling him to drink it already. He huffed with an annoyed look on his face, before swallowing the foul taste in one swig. 

“Here, take it.” He handed the thing back to Eunbi, scrunching his face up at the flavour. She grabbed it but not before rolling her eyes at the dramatic teenager.

“Oh, by the way,” She said, pulling a note out of her pocket, “Chenle’s nurse, Chaemin, told me Chenle received this from someone when it was intended for you.” Eunbi handed him the note, before saying her goodbyes and taking her leave.

Jisung frowned, wondering how Chenle got a letter meant for him. It wasn’t like their names are similar in the slightest. 

He opened the letter, gasping when he saw his mum’s name at the top. It’s been over two months since he heard anything from his mother, he had told Chenle she comes around often just to seem normal, but everything about his relationship with his mother was far from normal. 

The letter was short, yet nowhere near sweet. His mother had simply stated that she can’t visit any time soon, not that she even intended to, and that his great grandfather had passed away. She noted at the bottom that she’d be flying out for his funeral. Jisung never met his great grandfather as he lived in New Zealand during the entirety of Jisung’s life and couldn’t exactly get on a plane because of hip problems; Jisung scoffed at his mother sending a stupid letter to tell him someone he’s never met was dead. 

Jisung wondered if his mother would’ve sent a letter about his father if he’d died while Jisung was in a hospital. Jisung threw the letter away, getting out of bed and pacing around his room. 

Sometimes, he needed to walk around and let his body relax to forget about things that make him feel melancholic.

His migraine had subsided after taking medication a few hours ago. Jisung hated migraines, so he was glad his own thoughts didn’t cause himself pain anymore. He wasn’t sure if his stomach would cause him to throw up again, but he didn’t want to leave his room and take that chance. Eunbi had told him that Chenle was stuck in his room too, because he didn’t want to be on his legs too much and he had no purpose leaving his room if Jisung couldn’t leave his either. 

Jisung got into his bed again, not bothering to get under the covers as he grabbed the TV remote and turned on the Korean Idol! channel. He knew Dream was going for an interview today, but he’d missed it because he was busy retching his guts out. Luckily, he planned ahead and recorded the programme earlier on to watch later. 

He was stunned by the vibrant stage they were on, and especially surprised at how many people were squished into the crowd when the space was so small. He knew that definitely wasn’t hygienic in the slightest. Nevertheless, he continued watching the interview, admiring the people he calls his idols. 

The interviewer was asking them questions about their albums again, and the leaders Mark and Donghyuck were answering whilst the other three smiled, waving at the fans and camera. The next question Renjun took, answering in Korean and then Chinese. 

The crowd cheered as the interviewer asked the boys to give them a sneak peek of the dancing they’d expect to see in their upcoming title track, and Jisung also held back a squeal. 

He’s been anticipating the dance for so long so he could learn it in the comfort of his own room. 

Eunbi always told him that he shouldn’t be dancing unsupervised, after walking in when he was in the middle of Dream’s choreography from their song in 2018 called We Go Forward. He told her that he didn’t need to be supervised for everything, he was nearly an adult after all. 

He scoffed at the memory of Eunbi telling him it wasn’t because of his age, it was because he could collapse at any moment from the intense dancing he was putting himself through. He remembered waving her off, and going back to dancing.

Dancing was the one thing he had left after his life was turned upside down with his stupid tumour. He’d already lost his father, and his tumour caused him to lose his friends and future too. At least he was physically capable of dancing still, even if he got pins and needles in his calves when he was done.

Jisung was once told by a doctor that he had it easy. Usually people with brain tumours got muscle weakness, and had difficulty walking but Jisung didn’t have a tumour strong enough to cause his muscles to shut down or falter. 

Sometimes, it did, however it wasn’t a constant problem in his life and that was something he was grateful for at least. He didn’t know what he’d do if he could no longer dance. He couldn’t finish high school, so if he ever recovers, he’d go into a dance career.

The interview ended, and Jisung decided he’d sleep until dinner would be served. Eunbi gave him the clear to go downstairs for dinner tonight, after his vomiting stopped roughly after he had lunch, he felt a bit annoyed that she still made him drink that disgusting medicine though. 

Before he went to sleep, he opened his contacts on his phone and clicked the message option on Jaemin’s number. His phone diverted to Kakaotalk, and Jisung sent a short message to his old friend.

‘ _Hey Jaemin, don’t be alarmed I’m not a random crazed fan. It’s Park Jisung, from high school :]’_

—

In room 201, Chenle was still playing solitaire, finding comfort in the boring game. He used to play this when he was home alone at his old house, and his parents were still in their offices. He didn’t have any siblings, so when he was home alone, he had to find things to occupy himself. He’d wanted to get a dog, but before they could look into one, he got diagnosed with cancer and had to move out.

Chaemin had come in earlier to tell Chenle that the reception received a call from his parents, saying they’d come in later. Chenle was slightly excited, but he had no idea what time they were coming so he was a bit annoyed that he’d have to stay in his room, waiting for their arrival. 

Chenle had made sure to tell Chaemin that he wanted to see Jisung, even if it meant missing his parents' visit, and she told him that she’d speak to Eunbi later about it. They weren’t sure about Jisung’s state yet, but Chenle noticed that he hadn’t heard any vomiting noises for a few hours. 

There was a knock on Chenle’s door, and he watched as Jisung slipped into the room.

“What are you doing here?” Chenle asked, hints of concern laced through his voice, “Jisung, shouldn’t you be resting?”

Jisung waved his hand to brush off Chenle’s comment, “I’m fine now. The vomiting stopped hours ago, I actually just woke up from a nap and snuck out to see you. Is Chaemin coming in here soon?”

Chenle shook his head, packing his cards away and moving his tray table so his stomach wasn’t covered and he could freely move around his bed.

“Why?” Chenle giggled, “Are you hiding from Eunbi?”

Jisung nodded, revealing a playful smile as he grabbed the chair next to Chenle’s TV and sat down. They chatted for a bit, but Chenle was being wary of Jisung’s state, hoping he wouldn’t feel sick in his room. 

The time was nearing dinner time, but Jisung insisted that it wouldn’t matter if Eunbi couldn’t find him or not because he’d leave whenever Chaemin brings Chenle dinner. 

“How’s your leg?” Jisung asked, moving the chair next to Chenle’s bed. Chenle liked when Jisung sat next to his bed because he’d always place his hands on the edge of the bed, and Chenle finally built up the courage to put his hand on top of the younger’s. 

“It’s fine, I guess,” Chenle sighed, looking at his cast, “It still hurts, but I suppose it’ll hurt for a while. I haven’t gotten up today and according to the doctors, it’s bad for my leg to not get up and at least use my crutches, but I’m not in the mood to cause myself more pain.”

“Why do they want you walking with a fracture in your leg?” Jisung asked, eyebrows furrowed. He looked a little angry at the thought of Chenle injuring himself further, and Chenle held back a laugh.

“Chaemin said if I don’t keep my walking up whilst I’m in the cast, I may need some therapy to relearn how to walk.” Chenle explained, “I don’t really think it’d reach that point, but because my legs are so fragile from my stupid cancer, I’m starting to realise that they have a point.”

Jisung laughed, “They are the experts after all.”

Chenle laughed along, tapping his fingers on top of Jisung’s hand. Jisung looked at Chenle softly for a moment, and Chenle looked back before casually smiling and grabbing his TV remote to turn his TV on. Jisung snapped out of his gaze and looked at the TV.

“I watched that interview Dream did earlier, did you see it?” Chenle asked, turning on the program that currently had their interview playing as a replay.

Jisung nodded his head, moving his hands off Chenle’s bed and onto his lap.

“I recorded it because I was in the bathroom, being sick, while it was on but I watched it earlier before I fell asleep.” Jisung said, remembering that he messaged Jaemin before sleeping too. He grabbed his pockets, but realised he’d left his phone in his room again. It could wait for after he’s spent time with Chenle anyway.

“My parents are coming in soon by the way, so you can meet them if you want to.” Chenle said, as the interview played.

“Oh, yeah sure, that’d be really cool—”

The door swung open, and Chaemin walked in with Chenle’s parents behind her. Jisung stood up, shocked at the intrusion but realising he should’ve left the room moments ago to avoid this. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to meet Chenle’s parents, he just didn’t want Chaemin telling Eunbi that he went to Chenle’s room when he wasn’t supposed to. He supposed a little lying could get him out of that situation.

“Hi Jisung,” Chaemin smiled, “Did your nurses allow you out of your room?” 

He nodded his head, “Yeah they did. My migraine and other symptoms stopped hours ago.” Jisung said, not wanting his first impression for Chenle’s parents to be about him vomiting.

“Hi mum, hi dad.” Chenle turned the TV off and leaned forward to hug his mother after Chaemin had left the room. Jisung put his chair back where he had grabbed it from, and he stood awkwardly opposite Chenle’s parents with Chenle’s bed separating them.

Jisung concluded that Chenle’s dad looked very intimidating, and like he disapproved of Jisung already. Chenle’s mother, on the other hand, looked softhearted and kind, as she smiled at Jisung after Chenle introduced Jisung.

“Ah, so you’re the boy Chenle told us about last time we were here.” Chenle’s mum said, getting a light nudge from Chenle. Jisung laughed, looking at Chenle softly again and Chenle felt his cheeks turn pink.

 _“Don’t be embarrassing mum.”_ Chenle said in Mandarin, so Jisung wouldn’t understand. 

Chenle’s mother responded in Mandarin, and the three of them started a conversation in Mandarin that Jisung wished he could understand. He started walking near Chenle’s door, before Chenle noticed him.

“Hey! Jisung, come back. No leaving just yet,” He said, “We’ll speak Korean if you want.”

“It’s fine if you guys speak Mandarin around me, I just want to give you alone time with your parents.” He said. Chenle’s parents were watching him from beside Chenle, whilst he leaned back to look at Jisung without his parents’ bodies blocking his view.

“No, Jisungie it’s fine. Stick around, I insist.” His mother butted in, waving for Jisung to come back. Jisung nodded his head, knowing he couldn’t turn down Chenle’s mother, as he walked back to where he was initially standing. He smiled at them, but Chenle’s father still hadn’t said much, and it made him even more intimidating.

“Did you resolve the emergency at your workplace from last time?” Chenle asked, looking at his parents again. They nodded their heads, before Chenle’s father started to talk.

“Someone had just injured themselves, and if we weren’t there to take a report on the incident to prove that it wasn’t due to faulty equipment, we could’ve gotten sued.” 

His father explained, sounding upset by the unsettled tone in his voice. Jisung watched the interaction absentmindedly, he tried paying attention to not look tedious but his brain got the best of him, and he found himself looking around the room.

Chenle nodded his head, mumbling a few positive words to his father before the room went quiet for a bit.

“Oh!” Chenle shot up, “Did you leave your phone here last time you were here, Mum?” He asked, reaching for the phone Jisung had given him. Jisung’s attention was caught again when he noticed the phone in Chenle’s hand.

“Yes, I did. I’ve been looking everywhere for it.” His mum said, peeping a look at the object in Chenle’s hand and gasping when she saw her phone.

Chenle handed her the phone, “Well, Jisung found it for you.” Chenle smiled at Jisung who reciprocated the smile. Chenle’s mum smiled at Jisung, taking the phone from Chenle’s hands and unlocking it.

“Huh?” Jisung watched Chenle’s mum turn the phone for the two of them to look at, with confusion all over her face, “Why’s my background a picture of Jisung?”

 _Oh fuck._ Jisung forgot to change the background. His face went red, as he wracked his brain for a response. He realised everyone was looking at him for an answer with three completely different expressions on their faces. 

Chenle looked like he was thinking hard about something while his mum looked confused, and his dad looked cynical.

“Didn’t you find it in your room?” Chenle asked, breaking the silence. Jisung nodded hesitantly. Chenle looked at his mother and father, who looked back at their son. They spoke in Mandarin again, discussing Jisung right in front of him.

 _“How did the phone get into his room Chenle?”_ His father asked. Jisung watched the interaction without any inclination regarding what he should do or say. He knew he could just lie, but either way, there was no logical way to get out of this situation. They already know he’s done something, and he’s done nothing to deny it, which won’t help his case at all.

_“I don’t know, I found it in here and left it on my table and then it was gone but a few days later, Jisung gave it to me and said he found it in his room.”_

_“What business does he even have touching my phone?”_

_“Mum, don’t be so harsh. He found the phone!”_

_“Chenle don’t you get it? He didn’t find it, he stole it and tricked you.”_ Chenle’s dad snapped, fuming at his son’s chasteness. 

Chenle was never one to assume the worst in someone, which annoyed his father to no avail. Chenle couldn’t change that he didn’t assume the worst, no matter how many times his father told him trusting people wasn’t something he should do so lightly. 

It made him wonder if he should trust his father so lightly. 

Chenle looked at Jisung for a moment, before looking back at his parents. His dad made total sense, there was no denying that, but there was no accurate reason for Jisung stealing his mother’s phone and making the wallpaper a picture of himself. 

It just didn’t make sense. 

_“I don’t want you near this boy anymore.”_ Chenle’s father decided, “ _What room does he stay in? I’ll make sure you two are separated.”_

 _“Dad! It’s not that serious, just change your wallpaper back Mum and I’ll talk to Jisung.”_ Chenle pleaded, grabbing his Mum’s arm and shaking her.

 _“No Chenle,”_ Chenle’s mum pushed his hands off her, “ _Your father is right._ From now on, you two won’t be allowed to see each other anymore.”

Jisung's mouth fell open as Chenle’s mothers’ words entered his ears. They couldn’t be serious, there was no way they decided on such a harsh punishment without even hearing Jisung out. 

“What?” Jisung blurted out, “You can’t do that?” Jisung tried to defend himself and Chenle. It was irrational to just ban them from seeing each other, especially when Jisung stealing Ms. Zhong’s phone had almost nothing to do with his friendship with Chenle.

“Friends don’t steal their parents property and meddle with it.” 

Chenle’s father’s tone was threatening and authoritative. Jisung gulped, knowing this situation was just the beginning of a mess. He wanted to explain his real reason behind taking the phone, but he knew he couldn’t. What he’d done was completely wrong and invasive, he didn’t want Chenle to see him as someone who meddles through people’s private things.

“I’ll call the nurse, and tell her that you two mustn’t see each other anymore. Good day son.” Chenle’s father said, walking out of the room. Chenle looked at his mum, who scowled at Jisung, before walking out behind her husband.

Chenle looked at Jisung with sad eyes, before they turned angry.

“What the fuck Jisung.” 

“I can explain Chenle.” Jisung pleaded, walking towards Chenle. Chenle held his hand up, making Jisung pause in his footsteps.

“No, Jisung, I don’t want to hear it.” Chenle said, “Why would you even steal my mother’s phone? What good reason do you have to explain yourself?” Chenle glared. Jisung didn’t answer. Instead, he focused on the bland white floor. Chenle desperately wanted to hear Jisung’s side of the story, but he knew he had to listen to his parents’ orders.

Chenle pointed at his door, “Maybe it would be best if we didn’t see each other anymore.”

Jisung tried to protest, but Chenle looked away, still pointing at the door. Jisung frowned, a small pout jutting out as he walked out of the room. As he walked to his room, Chaemin was walking into Chenle’s room with a frazzled look on her face.

Jisung closed his door, climbing into his bed and letting the tears run.

Eunbi walked in moments later, sitting on Jisung’s bed so he could see her, and placing a hand on his shoulder. She planned to ask what happened, but decided to leave Jisung be for the night as his cries turned to sobs.

Jisung didn’t want to lose Chenle at the expense of getting Jaemin’s number, but his greediness got the best of him when he learnt that Chenle’s parents owned the company that supplies Dream’s albums. It was a longshot that they’d even have Jaemin’s number, but now Jisung wondered if getting his old friend’s number was really worth it.

Eunbi had left twenty minutes later, but returned with a tray of food for Jisung. She made sure to bring him a bowl of ice cream for dinner too. She didn’t know why he was crying, but Chaemin had explained to her that Chenle’s parents had banned Chenle and Jisung from seeing each other. 

Eunbi was sad too, and now understood why he was crying. She enjoyed seeing Jisung with Chenle, it was the first time she saw him genuinely happy with someone since he got here. Before Chenle had arrived, Jisung was all alone in the hospital and always looked downcast even when his mother visited. 

Eunbi hoped this ban wasn’t permanent.

Jisung laid in bed, wishing the same thing as he fell asleep with his phone in his grip. He woke up later after his phone vibrated.

_‘Jisung Park????? Oh my god!!! It’s been so long. Wait how do I know that it’s you? Send a picture :))’_

_—_

Chenle sat in his bed, shocked at everything that just happened. He didn’t know how to process it, and he wasn’t sure if he even wanted to process it. Everything he thought about Jisung changed, and he didn’t know what to do now. 

The sun was starting to set, as Chenle sat on the end of his bed, looking out his window.

Jisung was the only friend he’d had in a while, and he knew he was starting to develop feelings for the younger boy. He just didn’t understand why any of that had to happen, Jisung didn’t seem like the type to steal so Chenle was very conflicted.

He had wanted to hear Jisung out, but his parents’ voice booming in the back of his head saying they weren’t allowed to see each other had gotten the best of him. He knew that even if he tried to see Jisung, his parents had too much power and it was better for the both of them if he personally made Jisung leave him alone.

It’d be painful, but Chenle had to do it.

Chaemin walked in with his dinner, after he told her he wasn’t getting up to go downstairs, and left the tray on his bedside table, before informing him that she’d be back later to do Chenle’s daily report. He laid down on the bed, staring at the blank ceiling. His leg was feeling heavy, so he laid back down again, letting his leg rest.

His room felt colder even since his parents and Jisung left. He heard Chaemin and Eunbi talking outside his door earlier, and it pained Chenle to hear Chaemin tell Eunbi that he and Jisung had to be monitored at all times to make sure they weren’t with each other.

When he’d finished his dinner, he had gotten up to brush his teeth. His crutches were next to his bed, so he had no trouble getting into the bathroom, and to make up for not getting up for his dinner, he walked around the dimensions of his room on his crutches. He got back into bed, stretching his leg that wasn’t in a cast before Chaemin walked back in with her clipboard.

She took his daily report, before saying goodnight for the night and asking if he needed anything more from her. He shook his head, and told her he was just going to go to sleep now.

When she left, he laid down and faced his window, watching the sun set and the moon shine bright into the night.


	4. daydream away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took so long

When Jisung woke up, Jaemin’s texts filled his head. He hadn’t replied last night because he was busy dealing with his tears and heavy heart. His heart still felt heavy, but his tears had at least dried and his head didn’t hurt like he thought it would. 

Whilst he showered, he decided he’d go into the garden and plant the tomato seeds he was given a few weeks ago by the nurses. When he met Chenle, he planned for them to plant it together but circumstances prevented that.

He wondered if Chenle would be in the cafeteria this morning. His leg was probably still causing him pain and he just hoped that the fracture was healing instead of going backwards. He hoped Chenle would be allowed to stay in bed, but Jisung knew that on crutches, his fracture wouldn’t suffer too much.

Jisung sat on his bed when he grabbed his phone to answer Jaemin’s text. He wondered if Jaemin was at practice now, or in his dorms’ sleeping. Jisung decided it wouldn’t hurt to send a photo of himself, so he held his camera up and snapped the photo before sending it to Jaemin.

_‘See… it’s me!! Also sorry for the late response, I fell asleep before your message came through last night.’_

Jisung watched the ticks next to his message change as Jaemin read his message. Jisung smiled, moving around on his bed so he was sitting cross-legged and holding his phone in between his lap.

**jaemin**

Ah! It is you, it’s so cool to hear from you again. How did you get my number though?

**jisung**

Actually, I found it in my contacts from high school! The number in there was wrong, but it directed me to your profile either way and I decided to text the number in the profile and see what would happen. I’m really glad it worked! 

**jaemin**

Ah, what a nice coincidence! Well, I have practice soon but do you want to call later so we can catch up properly?

**jisung**

Yeah, that’d be really cool! Have fun at practice

Jisung put his phone down, with a smile plastered over his face. He was so content with contacting Jaemin again that the lengths he took were forgotten for a moment and he could be a little happy about his old friendship slowly rekindling. 

“Good morning Jisung,” Eunbi smiled, walking into the room with folded laundry, “Are you feeling better today?”

Jisung nodded, “Much better. I’m going to have breakfast downstairs today.” Jisung admired the weather through his window. It was sunny today. 

“That’s great, breakfast has already been served though so what are you waiting for?” Eunbi asked, standing by Jisung’s sliding cupboard to put his washed clothes away. 

Jisung jumped off his bed, grabbing his jacket.

“Thanks Eunbi!” He yelled, before rushing out the door. He shoved his phone in his pocket and walked to the elevator. The ride down felt empty without Chenle.

Jisung sat down where he usually sits, waiting for his food to be brought over by the nurses. The cafeteria was filling up with people as usual, but the air still managed to feel empty for Jisung. He saw Yangyang sitting at the table across from his, moving his food around his plate.

Jisung looked at the food in front of him, frowning at the boring clump of oats. Jisung never liked oats, unless there was honey in it. They had only added a minimal amount, and it wasn’t enough for his liking. He drank his water as he ate his breakfast to compensate for the lack of honey. 

When he finished his breakfast, he sped up to his room and grabbed his tomato seeds before walking down the stairs to get to the garden as fast as possible. He’d planned a mini Dream marathon and he wanted to allow himself enough time to binge as much as possible before lunch time.

The garden was vibrant and looked like it was calling Jisung to do something to it. He could tell that no one comes out here except him, and maybe the gardeners’ to water the plants. But even then, Jisung only saw them at least once a month as the garden had automatic hoses.

He sat on the bench after planting the seeds and making sure he’d done the other small protocols to ensure that the seeds were planted properly and have the right space to grow. 

The weather was unusual today. The sun was out earlier but now, it was hidden by the clouds, and there was no wind. He still felt warm even if his clothes weren’t thick enough to provide him any warmth. 

Jisung sat outside for a while, until he decided to head back inside and reside in his room.

—

Chenle woke up after breakfast, and wondered why his blinds had been pulled across. Chaemin must’ve pulled them across earlier, because he knew they weren’t closed when he fell asleep last night. The sun was trying to peer into his room but was blocked from the blinds. At least it was a good day outside, Chenle thought as the memories of last night came back to him.

He tried to get out of bed, and managed to successfully place some weight on the ground before he needed his crutches for support. 

Chaemin came in moments later, ensuring that Chenle was steady on his crutches.

“You missed breakfast this morning, but I made sure to save some in the fridge downstairs. Do you want me to bring it up?” She asked, placing a bottle of pills down on Chenle’s bedside table.

“I can walk downstairs today,” Chenle said, “What’s this for?” He pointed at the pills. He knew they were for him, but he always thought that the nurses were supposed to hold onto his pills for him.

“That’s your pills,” Chaemin said, an inkling of sadness appeared across her face, “Unfortunately, I’m moving to another department and won’t be your primary nurse anymore. Eunbi will become your nurse now, and she’ll take care of you. You’ll still see me around, but all your needs will be dealt with by Eunbi from now on.”

Chenle frowned, “Oh.”

He liked Chaemin as his nurse, learning that she’d just become another person he’d see around the hospital randomly weighed his heart down.

“Thank you for everything then, I enjoyed having you as my nurse.” He said, smiling at her. She smiled back, before telling him that Eunbi was waiting downstairs for him.

He left his room, going towards the elevator and hoping to not run into Jisung. Judging by the time, Chenle assumed that Jisung would be in his room and if not, he’d be somewhere around the hospital. Chenle just prayed that he wasn’t in the cafeteria.

He walked into the cafeteria on his crutches and sat at the table he’d become familiar with because of Jisung. The whole room was empty, except for Eunbi who was in the kitchen. When she saw Chenle, she brought his breakfast out to him with a smile.

“Morning Chenle,” She said, placing his food in front of him. He smiled back and greeted her, grabbing his spoon to eat his bowl of warm soup. 

The sound of the clock ingrained itself into Chenle’s head as he sat alone and ate his food. Eunbi had returned into the kitchen, and he could see that she was cleaning up the aftermath of this morning’s breakfast. Chenle looked outside and wondered if Jisung would go into the garden without him today. He spotted no one outside, except some birds flying around. He was starting to feel lonely so he quickly finished his soup, and grabbed his crutches to hurry back to his room.

“Thank you Eunbi!” He yelled out before leaving. The elevator was empty as he walked in and pressed the button to go up. 

When he got back into his room, he noticed that the blinds had been pulled open and the sun was gleaming through the windows. He decided to sit on the chair on his balcony for a while, basking in the warm weather.

Eunbi hadn’t come up to his room for a while, so he enjoyed his alone time on his balcony for as long as he could. He went back inside to grab a book, before making his way outside again and placing his crutches against the glass railing. 

The sun glistened against Chenle’s pale body as he read more of the Asexuality and Aromanticism book Jisung gave him. His heart felt heavy at the reminder of Jisung, but reading about his experiences and community filled a hole in him that he never even knew was there. The book went so in depth about things he’s experienced and things he didn’t even realise he’s experienced before; it was probably the best book to exist. He smiled to himself as he delved further into the pages.

Hours passed, and Chenle went back inside before he could get sunburnt. Eunbi was in his room, packing away some laundry into his cupboard.

“Oh, hey Eunbi.” Chenle smiled, using his crutches to get to his bed.

“Hey Chenle, hope you don’t mind but I’m just sorting your underwear drawer.”

“Yeah that’s fine, Chaemin always did that for me too.” Chenle said, “Oh, that reminds me, is it possible to know why Chaemin isn’t my nurse anymore?”

Eunbi shrugged, “That’s Chaemin’s business Chenle, and for privacy reasons, we aren’t told that information either, so I have no clue.”

Chenle nodded, sliding into his bed and turning the TV on to enjoy some more cooking shows. 

Meanwhile, in Jisung’s room, he was sitting on a chair, facing the window and watching the sky outside. The sun was still out but it was getting close to late afternoon, so the sky was starting to really blossom and become a beautiful orange. Jisung loved when the sun wasn’t overpowering the rest of the sky. He loved the sun, but being able to see the rest of the sky and beautifully shaped clouds was an experience that the sun couldn’t compete with. 

Eunbi came in moments later, greeting the boy who absentmindedly greeted her back. He stopped admiring the sky when Eunbi started a conversation with him regarding how he was feeling and whether he was in pain or not. He wasn’t. 

At least he wasn’t in that moment. He was upset about not seeing Chenle, but that pain was different than the one that Eunbi wanted to know about. He’d probably take headaches and fatigue over the loneliness surrounding him after spending the day alone. He wanted to see Chenle desperately, but the last thing he needed was Chenle yelling at him or kicking him out of the room.

He wondered if Chenle would go that far, but Jisung didn’t know him well enough yet to come to any conclusions. He wanted to believe that he knew that Chenle wouldn’t be mean to him, but he hadn’t known Chenle long enough to fully know his nature. Especially when he thought that Chenle wouldn’t be for the idea of them being apart, just for the elder to prove him wrong.

“Jisung, are you okay there?” Eunbi asked. Their conversation had ended, so Jisung went back to looking out the window but Eunbi was still in the room, doing some tidying up.

“Yeah,” Jisung breathed, “Just admiring the sky again.”

Eunbi nodded, taking the answer with a grain of salt. She’d been his nurse for long enough to know that he liked the sky, and admired it often, but now that he had been split from Chenle, she was a bit worried about him drifting away from reality. 

His tumour caused him memory problems, so she wondered if maybe, just maybe, his tumour could help him forget about Chenle. Eunbi had cared for a patient with a brain tumour before, and when they hadn’t seen someone for a long period of time, they simply forgot who the person was. She didn’t want to see Jisung forget Chenle, but if it meant Jisung wouldn’t have a lingering sadness engulfing him, she’d take it any day. 

After all, Jisung wasn’t guaranteed a long life so the last thing she wanted was for him to live his last years feeling sad about a friendship that didn’t have time to fully bloom. 

Eventually, she finished cleaning up and left the room quietly.

Jisung climbed into his bed once Eunbi left and grabbed his phone. His heart still felt heavy, so he decided to do what most teenagers would do.

He plugged his earphones into his phone and shuffled his saddest playlist.

He was glad that he could still get a good view of the sky from his bed, so he laid down and looked out the window, wondering if Chenle was looking out his window too.

As Jisung fell asleep, he heard a loud bang from the room next to his.

—

Eunbi rushed into Chenle’s room after she had been buzzed frantically over and over again. Chenle was on the floor, clutching his fractured leg, while his crutches were leaning against the table next to his bed. Eunbi called more doctors before helping Chenle up, and guiding him onto his bed. 

Chenle was still in immense pain, but was able to explain to Eunbi that he’d tried to walk to the bathroom without his crutches but his leg gave in and he collapsed. The other doctors and nurses rushed in moments later. 

They immediately took off the cast, and examined his injured leg.

Chenle drifted off into a slumber after they gave him an anaesthetic. He heard them mention words about surgery and realigning the fractured bone so it could heal properly before he really klunked out. 

When he woke up again, he was in a different room, and there was something new covering his leg. He could feel something hard against the insides of his legs, but it didn’t hurt like he imagined it would. A nurse walked over to him upon noticing he was awake, and asked him if he would like to see his doctor. 

He nodded, and Eunbi came over with a doctor beside her.

“Hi Chenle,” Eunbi said, “I hope you’re feeling better now. We’ve had to do an urgent surgery to put slates beside your leg bone so your bone isn’t angled incorrectly when the fracture heals, because your fall caused your leg to become weirdly angled. I’m surprised you weren’t in more pain, but I’m relieved that this experience wasn’t as painful for you as studies say it should be.”

Chenle smiled, his brain was still a bit too fuzzy to properly process what she was saying, but he caught the gist of majority of her words. Eventually, she bid her farewell, and the doctor started running through all the procedures that hospitals were required to do after a patient undergoes surgery.

The only thing Chenle fully remembers the doctor say is something about his fracture taking longer to heal now because his fall irritated it. The doctor assured him that it was only two or three extra weeks maximum, but he should still anticipate it because two to three weeks when recovering from an injury was longer than it sounded.

Chenle was just glad that it wasn’t going to take another six weeks. He hoped his parents wouldn’t find out about his fall, even though he knows they probably were already informed because the hospitals have to contact guardians, when the patient is still underage, whenever they go into surgery. Chenle expected that he’d see his parents soon then.

He called Eunbi again to ask her if he could return to his own room.

“I’m sorry, but you’ll need to stay in this room for twenty four hours Chenle,” She informed, “We need to do hourly check ups on your leg to make sure that no bad side effects from the surgery occurs, also you’re being placed on extra care now due to your fall. You’ll have one or two nurses or doctors in the room or nearby at all times.”  
  
Chenle sighed. Of course they were going to keep a closer eye on him now. He laughed at his stupidity.

“Can I at least get some entertainment down here?” He asked.

Eunbi laughed, “Here’s a remote, the TV is right there,” She pointed at the TV after handing him the remote, “It has all the same channels as the TV in your room, so run wild.”

Chenle smiled and thanked her before turning the TV on and relishing in the excitement that overwhelmed him when he found a kids’ channel that was playing a show from his childhood that he used to love.

He watched it until the episode finished, and he realised it wasn’t playing again for another three hours, so he changed the channel to the cooking shows he was addicted to lately. 

The bed he was in wasn’t as comfortable as the bed in his own room, but he only needed to stay here until tomorrow night, so he sighed and acknowledged that he had no choice but to get comfortable in this bed for the time being.

—

Jisung woke up and stretched his body in his bed. He checked the time on his phone, and realised that dinner would be served soon. He buzzed Eunbi on his remote so he could ask what was being served for dinner.

She walked in moments later and asked him what the problem was.

“No problem, just wanted to know what’s for dinner tonight.” Jisung smiled politely.

Eunbi let out a small sigh, “Mushroom soup.”

Jisung nodded and the room went silent. Eunbi nearly turned around to leave before Jisung remembered the noise he heard before he fell asleep.

“Wait!” He yelled, catching her attention, “Before I fell asleep, I heard something next door, did anything happen to Chenle?”

“Oh, yes something did happen actually. He fell over and had to get surgery for his leg. He’s staying in another room for tonight.”

“Can I know more?” Jisung asked after the alarming information settled in his brain.

“Unfortunately, that’s all I can disclose to you.” Eunbi replied, “He’s doing fine though, so you don’t need to worry. I’ll see you downstairs soon for dinner.”

Eunbi left the room and Jisung let out a small sigh. He was definitely worried, but he was glad that Chenle was at least alright. Although he wondered how Chenle fell, and if he would’ve been able to prevent the fall if they were allowed to see each other.

The sun outside was setting, so Jisung took a seat in his chair again and watched the beautiful sunset. He always loved this part of the day the most, simply because of the pretty pink hues that immersed the horizon and dripped into the rest of the sky. 

It wasn’t long until he was grabbing his phone and heading downstairs for dinner.

The cafeteria was full as usual, but without Chenle to sit with, Jisung felt an intense amount of loneliness overwhelm him as he examined his food. 

It didn’t look horrible, so Jisung tried it. Mushroom soup was probably the only soup he hasn’t tried before, so he put aside his dislike for the dish in general and ate it. It wasn’t as bad as it smelled, and he found his bowl empty not long after he had taken the first few spoonfuls.

He headed back to his room before the nurses came around with drinks and drank some water from the tap in his bathroom after brushing his teeth. The sun had gone down, and the moon had taken over so Jisung pulled his blinds across and changed into his pyjamas. 

He climbed into bed and laid down, facing the window. Although the blinds were pulled across, there was a tiny gap between the curtains that allowed a glimpse of the moon to seep through into his room. The line it created through Jisung’s room was pretty, and he fell asleep after staring at it for a while; his mind occupied with various thoughts.

Downstairs, Chenle had dinner in his bed and fell asleep immediately as a side effect to the anaesthetic he was given.

They would never be able to tell each other, but that night both boys dreamt about the other. 

—

“Morning Chenle!” Eunbi stood up when Chenle finally woke up. “Here’s your breakfast, it’s still warm.”

He thanked her when she handed him the bowl of oats. He was getting a bit sick of the gooey mess, but the flavour wasn’t as horrible as he expected. Once he finished the bowl, he set it aside and looked around the unfamiliar room.

The walls were bland compared to his own room. He wished to get back to his room as soon as possible.

“Hey Eunbi, am I going to be stuck in bed all day?”

“Unfortunately, yes,” She replied, “But your parents called and said they’ll visit with your cousins.”

Chenle nodded his head, excitement bubbling through him at the mention of his cousins. They were all older than him except for one, but he got along well with all of them. He was glad that his parents were taking time out of their busy lives to make him feel better; especially after they banned Jisung from seeing him. 

Eunbi handed him the remote for the TV, before announcing her leave. After Chenle waved her off, he pulled the covers to his chin and put a movie on. 

—

Jisung went down for breakfast after getting washed and dressed, and sat alone again. There was a rumour going around the hospital that there’d be a new patient on the floor Jisung lived on, so he was keeping an eye out for unfamiliar faces. It was rare that they got new patients so close to each other; obviously there was the floor for patients who came in temporarily, but it was rare that they got permanent patients weeks apart from each other.

Chenle was the first person to move into the hospital since Jisung moved in. 

It was actually Jisung who instigated the meeting because he didn’t want Chenle to feel lonely in a new environment like he did when he moved in. Even though he didn’t look interested, it was him who told the nurses he wanted to meet the new person. 

He sat in the cafeteria, looking around at the other empty faces. Everyone looked tired, and Jisung felt loneliness creep up onto him and sit in his stomach. He didn’t feel good anymore. The nurses brought his breakfast out, and he dug in quickly without bothering to inspect the food first. He pushed the bowl aside after finishing it, and took his leave back to his room. 

He wanted to call his mum.

The weather outside was too beautiful to ignore, so Jisung grabbed a jacket and sat on his balcony with his phone pressed to his ear. His mother picked up after a few rings, and Jisung felt himself relax.

“Jisung?” 

“Hi mum.” 

Jisung flopped on his bed and crawled under the covers after his phone call. He’d talked to his mum for a few hours, and he felt a tinge of happiness again. He’d really missed her voice. 

The TV was still on for some reason, so Jisung turned his head and examined the channel. It was the news channel for the pop industry in Korea. They were discussing Dream’s Company, NC, and Jisung’s ears pricked up when he heard them divert to talking about Dream.

 _“The group has announced that Jaemin is injured and will be in the hospital for some time. More details will come out later.”_ The reporter said, looking into the camera with a mic in her hand, _“The company has asked that Jaemin gets privacy during this time. There are rumours of Jeno, Renjun, Mark and Donghyuck preparing a comeback during the hiatus without Jaemin. More to come later, please stay tuned.”_

“What?” Jisung blurted out.

Jisung never paid much attention to rumours, but hearing that the group would go on without his friend even temporarily hurt his heart. He wondered if it was appropriate for him to ask Jaemin about it during their next conversation. 

His endless questions were interrupted by Eunbi walking in with a few towels in her arms.

“Afternoon Jisung,” She greeted, walking into the bathroom. Jisung waved, fixated on the TV.

When Eunbi walked into the room again, Jisung had changed the channel to watch some cartoons. She looked around the room, before focusing on Jisung. He looked content, but the bags under his eyes gave away his exhaustion.

“There’s a new patient moving into the room opposite yours tomorrow,” Eunbi said.

“Are they a permanent patient?”

“Semi permanent,” Eunbi said, “He’s famous so we can’t disclose information about him until he arrives. Do you want to greet him like you greeted Chenle?”

Jisung sighed, and shook his head. He knew he’d run into the new patient if he was staying opposite Jisung, so he didn’t care too much about a formal greeting. Besides that, what he’d done for Chenle had become special to Jisung and he didn’t want to throw that around with just anyone anymore. 

Eunbi left shortly after, and Jisung whipped his phone out to play games while he waited for lunch to be served. There was only half an hour till lunch, so he didn’t want to nap as he knew he’d miss lunch if he slept now. 

He wondered if Chenle had found his phone yet, because he really wanted to message the older boy despite not even having his number. He had no contact with the boy, and whilst Chenle wasn’t in his room, there was no chance for Jisung to see him. Unless Jisung went down to the room Chenle was currently in. 

—

Chenle was asleep when Eunbi went down to check on him again. The doctors were stationed on that floor, but Eunbi still worried and wanted to make sure he was doing alright. Chaemin asks about him whenever they run into each other, so Eunbi takes it upon herself to make sure Chenle is supervised and healthy. The doctors said his condition was fine, and the surgery didn’t cause any negative side effects, so he could definitely return to his room after dinner tonight.

She sat next to his bed for a while, filling out paperwork as he slept. When he woke up, Eunbi put her documents aside and stood beside his bed.

“Hi Chenle,” She greeted, “How are you feeling?”

“Urgh, good.” He mumbled, rubbing his face to wake himself up. He had to squint to tolerate the strength of the lights for a while. 

“Your parents are coming soon, do you want to change for their visit?”

“Yeah, but does that mean I’ll need to go back to my room?” He asked with small sparkles of hope in his eyes.

Unfortunately, Eunbi shook her head. “I’ll bring the clothes down and you can change in here.”

Chenle sighed, mumbling, “Fine,” before sinking further into his bed. Eunbi’s heart sank at his expression when she realised he wanted to see Jisung. 

She wanted to help, but knew she shouldn’t. Instead, she left to grab clothes from Chenle’s room to bring down to him. He’d missed lunch because he was sleeping, so she stopped by the cafeteria to prepare a tray for him. She delivered the clothes to him first, and told him to get dressed while she brought his food to him; making sure a doctor was in the room supervising him before she left. 

When she came back, he was dressed and the doctor left immediately.

“He didn’t watch you, did he?” Eunbi asked. She trusted the doctors around here, but was always careful too.

“I thought that was his job?” Chenle asked, a bit confused, “Wasn’t he supposed to make sure I didn’t fall while changing?”

Eunbi held back a small laugh. Chenle had so much innocence, her heart hurt at the thought of him losing it. 

“Don’t worry sweetheart. Enjoy your food, I’ll be back when your parents arrive,” She said, turning towards the door, “Leave the tray on the table next to your bed and I’ll tell a passing doctor to grab it later.”

Chenle nodded, dismissing her before digging into his food. Minutes after she left, Jisung waltzed into the room, looking around for any signs of authorities. He shut the door and sat in the chair next to Chenle’s bed.

“How’d you get in here?” Chenle asked, holding back his excitement.

“Aren’t you happy to see me?” Jisung pouted.

“I am, but you aren’t supposed to be here Jisung.” He sighed, feeling the words weigh him down. Jisungs’ pout turned from playful to hurt, and Chenle felt his heart sink even further.

“I missed you.” He said. 

Chenle avoided eye contact, not wanting to make it harder on himself to dismiss the younger. Jisung had sparkles of hope in his eyes, and felt himself close to tears at Chenle’s dismissive behaviour; he’d prepared himself all day for it, but ultimately didn’t expect to actually receive it.

“My parents will be here soon, you need to leave.”

Jisung deflated.

“I supposed I was right then.” He mumbled, confusing Chenle, “I don’t know you as well as I hoped to.”

Chenle’s heart broke as Jisung ran out of the room, closing the door loudly behind him. He felt everything in him scream to go after him, but he could hardly move his body. When he tried to lift himself off the bed, he felt himself collapse back down at the pain that jolted through his body. He knew his parents would be in soon, so he tried to stop the frustrated tears that trickled down his face.

He wiped his eyes and sniffled multiple times, before his tears slowed and he laid in bed feeling downcast. He didn’t want his cousins to see him crying pathetically because of a boy. The TV playing a rainy scene wasn’t helping his sentimental heart, but before he could cry again, his parents burst into the room with his cousins behind them.

“Hi Chenle!” His mother cheered, walking up to him and kissing his forehead.

“Hi mum,” He smiled, “Hi dad.”

“How are you son?” His father asked, leaning down to place a kiss on the crown of his head. His cousins gathered around on the side of his bed opposite his parents and waited for him to catch up with his parents first before talking.

“I’m good I guess, I’ve just been stuck in bed all day after surgery yesterday.” He sighed, turning his attention to his cousins now. “Hey guys, it’s been a while hasn’t it?”

His eldest cousin, Kun, smiled and ruffled his hair, “It sure has Lele.”

His other cousins, Hanyu and Yiren stepped forward and greeted him. Hanyu was three years younger than him, while Yiren was just over a year older. Regardless of the age gap, they had a close bond and were thrilled to see each other. His parents sat down, and told the others to take a seat.

“Tell us about the surgery.” His mum beckoned.

“I was asleep when it happened Mum, so I can’t tell you much.” Chenle said with a giggle.

“I mean after the surgery,” His mother clicked her tongue. “Also, did they do the surgery down here or did they move you here after the surgery?”

“Those are questions you’ll have to ask my nurse or doctors, because I have absolutely no clue.” Chenle responded, fiddling with the remote. 

His father stood up from his chair, and grabbed his wife gently by the arm, “We’ll go find them while you catch up with your cousins.” He announced before leading his wife out of the room alongside him.

Chenle let out a sigh and turned to his cousins who all had excited expressions directed at him. 

“Why do you not seem as excited as we expected you to be?” Kun asked.

“Because I’m not,” Chenle said bluntly, “I’m happy to see you guys, but stuff is going on and I’d rather not see my parents right now. Specifically my dad.”

“Care to explain?” Yiren asked softly. Chenle cracked a small smile, she was always good at making him feel safe no matter what he had to say. She was the first person he came out to as asexual and gay, and she accepted him in seconds; she was probably one of the only role models in his life.

The other two weren’t bad either, Yiren was just naturally easier to talk to because of their small age gap. He came out to Kun a week after Yiren, and got a completely different reaction but it wasn’t a bad one. Kun had just decided that he’d use Chenle coming out as a chance to also come out as pansexual. Chenle had been surprised, but they both accepted each other happily and let their queerness bring each other closer.

Hanyu, on the other hand, wasn’t someone Chenle went out of his way to come out to because at the time, he was only twelve and Chenle was afraid of Hanyu spilling it to people who he shouldn’t. Chenle waited till Hanyu was older, and luckily Hanyu just shrugged it off and offered Chenle a hug. 

“Well, the only friend I managed to make here got ripped away from me thanks to my father,” Chenle explained, “So it’s pretty lonely in here, and my friend, Jisung, was in here a few moments ago but I had to force him to leave before you guys arrived. Dad wouldn’t have reacted well if he saw Jisung in here.”

Kun and Yiren looked amongst each other like they knew something that Chenle didn’t, while Hanyu looked clueless. Bless his fifteen year old self.

“What is it?” Chenle interrupted.

“Nothing,” Yiren said, shaking her head and dismissing Chenle’s question, “What happened between you and Jisung for your father to rip him away from you?”

Chenle sighed, realising Jisung wouldn’t sound like a good person if he explained what had happened. Luckily, his parents walked back in loudly, with Eunbi beside them. They were discussing something, and Chenle knew it was about his surgery.

When they got closer, Chenle realised that his father was asking Eunbi about Jisung instead of the surgery.

“So you’re keeping that boy away from my son like I asked?”

“Yes sir,” Eunbi responded, “They haven’t been in contact at all since you requested them to be apart. However, their rooms are close, and they share me as their nurse now so it’s becoming difficult to keep them apart.”

Chenle tried to not appear attentive to what they were saying, but he held his breath as the conversation went on. They were discussing it right in the middle of his room, so he felt that he had the right to listen especially when it was about something very personal to him.

His dad thought on Eunbi’s words for a moment, before switching to the dialect that only him and Chenle’s mother knew. It was a family dialect, but Chenle’s generation never learnt it fluently; although Kun was close to fluent. They conversed for a bit longer, and Chenle felt his heart beating rapidly in his chest. He knew his parents, and whenever they spoke in their dialect, it meant they were deciding on something that they didn’t want the others to hear. 

When they finished, Kun left out a small gasp and Chenle’s heart sank at the realisation that his parents weren’t deciding something good.

“He’ll move rooms so he’s not anywhere near Jisung.” His father announced. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for all the angst... but there is more to come 
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/aurensle?s=21) [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/aurensle)


	5. tears and touches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hellooo again <3 sooo nct 2020 and ot23 was announced!!! i hope everyone is excited and ready to support everyone especially xiaojun, hendery, yangyang, shotaro and sungchan in their nct debuts!!!
> 
> i'd like to note that there is a small trigger warning for mentions of a panic attack but i can't go into too much detail because it's a spoiler but i promise it isn't anything too detailed or graphic!
> 
> lastly, enjoy the chapter <3

The hours ticked over, and Jisung found himself lying awake until his eyes couldn’t remain open anymore. It was 4am when he fell asleep, and the heavy feeling in his heart hadn’t grown smaller at all throughout the night. 

Jisung woke up hours later to Eunbi shaking him awake. He wasn’t particularly impressed, but if she was waking him up, it must mean something serious was happening. Or he missed breakfast and lunch due to his sleep-in. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked, sitting up and stretching his limbs. He had a bit of a headache, but it wasn’t as bad as usual.

“The new patient is here! I know you said you didn’t care about a formal greeting, but he’s just arrived and he’s quite lonely in his room so I was wondering if you could go over and at least introduce yourself.”

Jisung sighed, “Fine. Can you at least tell me his name?”

“Na Jaemin.”

—

Chenle’s day started off crappy, and just progressively got worse. He sat in his room, watching Eunbi and other doctors place his things into trolleys to move into his new room. He’d skipped breakfast, insisting to Eunbi that he didn’t want to eat and wasn’t hungry.

When they’d finished placing all his things into trolleys, they left him in the room as they travelled through the hospital. Eunbi stayed behind to walk with him and ensure that he was feeling fine. He wasn’t in the mood to talk, so his answers were grunts or mumbles at best.

He was sure his day couldn’t get worse when he tripped on the walk to his new room, but the universe must have something against him because as he walked—slowly on crutches, he spotted Jisung with his arm around someone’s shoulder. They were talking and giggling to each other as if they’d known each other for their whole lives.

When Chenle got a closer look, he realised Jisung’s companion was Na Jaemin— the one he saw purely on TV as an idol. The fuck was he doing here?

The other two were too enthralled in their own world to notice Chenle go by, and for that, he was thankful because he didn’t feel like dealing with whatever was going on there. He wasn’t sure if Jisung knew that he was moving rooms, but as he moved along, he realised that Jisung probably doesn’t care anymore. He’d said that he missed Chenle last night, but did he really if he’s already found someone else?

Chenle wasn’t one to jump to conclusions, but he could see the bond between the two from miles away and it pained his heart that he wasn’t as special to Jisung as he thought. He remembered what Jisung had said to him last night before storming out, and felt his heart sink again. Jisung’s trust in him was lost, and Chenle didn’t know how to gain it back.

He wasn’t in the right position to even _try_ thanks to his father and his need to ruin his son’s life. Chenle sat in his new room, staring at the bland walls. He felt lonely. He didn’t like what his life was becoming, and the only person who he knew could make him feel a little bit better was his mother. Although she was just as responsible for their separation as his father, Chenle couldn’t hold anything against his mother. She was just too nice and lovely to him, he couldn’t bring himself to have any negative feelings towards her.

Once the doctors left, he realised he didn’t even have a phone to call her, so he buzzed Eunbi back into the room. 

“Can I please get a phone to call my mum?” He asked.

“Don’t you have your own phone?” She asked back, “I swear I saw a phone amongst all the things in the trolleys.”

“You did?” Chenle’s eyes lit up and he felt his heart skip a beat at the discovery.

Eunbi shrugged, walking towards the trolleys that hadn’t been emptied quite yet. Another group of doctors were going to come in later to unpack for him. She looked through every trolley, before pulling a phone out from one of them. 

“Oh my god,” Chenle mumbled, “I thought I’d lost that forever.”

She chuckled, handing him his phone and patting his head before leaving again. Chenle opened his phone and immediately got stuck into it, thanking whatever higher ups there are for at least giving him his phone back. 

After hours of playing games, he put his flat phone on charge and realised he needed to eat. His stomach had been grumbling while he was playing, but he was so excited to get his phone back that he just ignored his body asking for food. Eunbi walked in moments later, perfectly timing her visit, with a tray of food that Chenle assumed was lunch.

“I added a bit extra because you skipped breakfast, so I’m sure you’re hungrier than usual.” She smiled, placing the tray across his lap, “If you want any drinks, I can get that too.”

“Do you think I could get a lemonade or something?” Chenle asked, having a sudden craving for bubbles. Eunbi nodded, leaving the room and returning minutes later with a can of lemonade for the boy. She opened it and placed a glass straw inside, before handing it to him and leaving once again.

Chenle sipped his drink a bit, before digging into his food and groaning at the delicious taste. This hospital never failed to provide good food, Chenle was grateful that his parents could at least situate him somewhere adequate. Thinking about his parents, he’d gotten distracted by games and hadn’t called his mother yet. 

He checked the time, and realised that she was probably still in her office so he sent her a text asking to call him later. He got an immediate response of a thumbs up emoji. 

Once he finished his lunch, he laid down again and turned the TV on. Instead of watching cooking shows, he put reruns of Friends on and sighed into his sheets at the show he’d grown to love over the years. 

—

Jisung had gone over to Jaemin’s room immediately, feeling a huge burst of happiness when the other recognised him and rushed to engulf him in a hug. They spent hours talking in Jaemin’s room, before leaving for the cafeteria to eat lunch.

Jisung saw Chenle walking past with Eunbi, but pretended to be too occupied with Jaemin so he wouldn’t have to acknowledge the other. It hurt him, but it wasn’t his fault that Chenle had shooed him off yesterday and ultimately made a statement about where they stand. 

“So how long will you be staying here?” Jisung asked as they walked down the hallway together. Jaemin was walking slower than Jisung remembered him to walk, and it made the younger wonder what was wrong with him.

“A few months at best,” Jaemin responded, “I have to get back to my group as soon as possible so I don’t miss too much but I need to recover properly or I’ll be stuffed for life.”

Jisung nodded, “Can I know why you’re here?”

“My back isn’t in a good condition from the intensity of the things I’ve been doing since the start of high school,” Jaemin explained, “It’s finally caught up to me and if I don’t take a break to let it heal up, I won’t be able to dance ever again.”

“Oh my gosh, that sounds so scary,” Jisung said, “I can’t imagine not being able to dance.”

Jaemin looked at him with an unreadable expression as they travelled down the elevator together, “I thought you couldn’t dance though?”

Jisung’s face erupted in shock, “What do you mean? I can still dance.”

“The company said you left because you were incapable of dancing ever again,” Jaemin said with his eyebrows furrowed, “Did they lie?”

Jisung shook his head slowly, taking in the information.

“I have a brain tumour Jaemin,” He said after moments of silence, “I can still dance though, just not professionally because of my symptoms.”  
“What do your symptoms consist of?” Jaemin asked softly, eyes filled with something that Jisung wanted to call pity but it was far from that. It was solicitude; it was care. Jaemin was always a kind soul, but Jisung didn’t expect his concern to carry over from years ago.

“Headaches, vomiting, drowsiness, trouble sleeping although I have really good sleeping pills that help with that and memory problems,” He listed, “The doctors said if it gets worse I’ll experience a personality change or something, but for now it’s not that bad. I don’t know if it’ll get worse, but I guess I’m stuck with it for life so it’s bound to get worse, right?”

“Well, are you sure you’re stuck with it for life?” Jaemin asked, “I don’t know much about tumours, but surely there’s a cure for everything—well most things at least.”

“Yeah, there’s surgeries and chemotherapy involved but the most I need right now is testing, taking my meds and making sure it doesn’t get worse. What about your back?” Jisung walked to his usual table, before realising he’d have to sit on it with someone who isn’t Chenle. Immediately, he diverted to another table and ignored the look Eunbi gave him from across the room. 

“Well, I’m not too sure what they’ll do right now. Probably lots of monitoring and stacking me up on meds,” He said, taking a seat opposite Jisung, “I doubt I’ll need surgery, but if worse comes to worse I might.”

Jisung nodded, looking around for any signs of Chenle. He wasn’t sure if Chenle was having lunch in his bed or in the cafeteria, but he hoped it was in here so he could at least catch a glimpse of him. The nurses around him wouldn’t allow them to interact but even seeing the boy would make him feel a bit better; despite already seeing him and feeling worse from the elder’s hurt expression.

His expression feigned more than hurt, Jisung could tell, but he couldn’t put his finger on what it was. It wasn’t sadness, it couldn’t have been jealousy and it definitely wasn’t anger. Jisung hadn’t seen Chenle angry before, but he could confidently say that Chenle had no reason to be angry at Jisung for hanging with someone else when Chenle was the one to push him away instead of fighting for their friendship.

Jisung couldn’t say that he fought much for the friendship either, but that night when he went downstairs and disregarded Chenle’s fathers’ rules, he was ready to fight. He was ready to fight for his friendship, for Chenle, for their happiness.

But Chenle wasn’t.

Jisung was interrupted from his thoughts by Jaemin howling at the tray of food placed in front of him. Jisung cracked a smile at the boys’ humorous behaviour; remembering how energised the older could be. 

“The food here is really nice by the way.” Jisung said.

“Oh, I can tell,” Jaemin replied, eyeing his food before digging in and moaning at the taste.

Jisung chuckled, digging into his food slowly and appreciating the taste. Jaemin was good company, but he wasn’t Chenle. Jisung felt a bit selfish comparing them, but he couldn’t help wishing Chenle was sitting there, smiling at him and chatting away instead of Jaemin. Maybe one day, all three of them can sit together happily, without any rules preventing their harmony.

After they ate, Jisung waited for their drinks to come around. Jaemin wasn’t paying much attention to the time, so he didn’t protest to leave, and instead scraped the crumbs off his plate.

“You really enjoyed that, huh?” Jisung laughed, “What does the company feed you for you to scrape your crumbs like that?”

Jaemin chuckled back in a mocking tone, “I buy my own food thank you very much.”

“Do you cook it too?” Jisung asked, “I heard you weren’t the best cook.”

“Donghyuck cooks when the house aunty isn’t home to do it.” Jaemin said, “They miss you by the way.”

 _Ah_ , there it is. The discussion Jisung had been avoiding. He didn’t think that Jaemin would bring it up so soon. Thinking back on their past friendship, they didn’t have much they needed to catch up on except this. Jisung sighed, running his hands through his hair. Most of the patients had filed out of the cafeteria, and it was mainly filled up with the nurses cleaning up. 

“I don’t want to discuss this Jaemin,” He said, getting up. Before he could walk off, Jaemin grabbed his wrist and caught his attention.

“I know it’s soon but I’m not going to be here for long so we need to discuss it soon Jisung,” He said, anguish dripping from his being and burning a hole in Jisung’s soul, “I deserve to know what happened after all these years.”

“I already told you I left because of my tumour,” Jisung ripped his arm out of Jaemin’s grip, taking the seated boy by surprise, “There’s nothing else to tell you, and I don’t want to talk about the others.”

Jisung walked off before Jaemin could see the tears springing to his eyes. As he marched back to his room, he left the tears flow free. He felt so _lost._

He had tried so hard to be a fan of Dream, a _normal_ fan, but Jaemin’s words knocked him off his stead. He was doing so well at pretending that his past was just that. He didn’t want it to affect him anymore, but now it was all rushing back in.

He sat on his bed, and focused on nothing but his breath for a few minutes. His door was wide open, so he was aware that Jaemin could walk in at any moment and make him talk. He knew Jaemin wouldn’t force him, but he also knew that he had to talk about it at some point. He wanted to, he really did, but everything was too soon. He didn’t prepare for this at all.

He had been too focused on Chenle to properly deal with the events of his past. Before he met Chenle, he ignored those events as much as possible; feeling a tug at his heart whenever he thought about the past.

Eventually, he calmed down and turned his TV on to pass time. Jaemin had gone back into his room earlier, but didn’t acknowledge Jisung because of the nurse ushering Jaemin into his own room. When Eunbi walked into his room, his mood melted away and buzzed with excitement instead. He’d been itching to ask her about Chenle.

“Hi Eunbi!” Jisung said, sitting on the edge of his bed and swinging his legs to release energy.

“Hi Jisung.” Eunbi greeted, smiling at the boy, “You seem happier, I’m guessing your meeting with Jaemin went well?

He nodded, failing to mention that he already knew Jaemin, “Yeah it went great. He’s really cool. I have a question about Chenle though.”

“I’m not exactly allowed to talk to you about him, but go ahead.”

“What’s his phone number?”

Eunbi looked at him as if he was crazy, pausing her cleaning. Jisung knew the question was risky, but he needed to get some form of contact with the elder before he really spiraled back to the old Jisung.

“Jisung, that's a major breach of privacy if I gave you another patients’ personal phone number. Plus you aren’t allowed to be in contact with Chenle, you know that.”

He sighed, “Eunbi, I know it’s risky, I know it’s not allowed but if you could please, just this once, find a way for me to see him I’ll be forever grateful.” He pleaded, “Please Eunbi.”

It was her turn to sigh now. Her hands rested on her hips, and Jisung felt his heart in his throat as he waited for her answer.

“Alright.” She said, “Fine. I will try but I’m informing Chenle about all of this.”

Jisung nodded, a smile breaking onto his face and radiating happiness, “Thank you so much Eunbi.”

She smiled before going back to her cleaning and not speaking another word to him until she announced her departure half an hour later. 

Jisung decided to go downstairs to the garden to check on the tomatoes he planted earlier. The weather was a bit cold, but he grabbed a jacket before going downstairs. The tomatoes had grown a bit, so he watered them and made sure they weren’t going to die from other causes. The rest of the garden looked a bit dead, so he watered the whole garden to pass time. When he finished, he sat on the same bench that he cried about his father to Chenle on, and basked in the silence. 

Silence scared him a lot when he was younger. He needed sound to keep going, but now that he was older, silence was refreshing when life became too much; and today was far too much for him. 

He didn’t realise how long he was outside for till the door opened, and Jaemin walked out to sit beside him. His heart ached when it wasn’t Chenle. He just wanted Chenle.

“Hey bud,” Jaemin said, “Are you coming inside soon? It’s cold out here.”

Jisung didn’t respond. Instead, he hid his face under Jaemin’s chin, letting the elder pull him closer. Small sniffles turned into cries and before Jisung could stop himself, he was sobbing in Jaemin’s arms. Jaemin rubbed his back, soothing him as best as he could until Jisung’s sobs calmed down.

“Do you want to talk about why you’re crying?” Jaemin asked, still hugging him and stroking his back.

“I lost my only friend.” Jisung whispered, breaking into another sob.

“Who?”

“Chenle,” Jisung mumbled, rubbing his eyes, “I’m not allowed to see him and it’s all my fault.”

He’d stopped crying, but his face was still wet and his sniffles hadn’t stopped. He felt bad for dropping this all on Jaemin, but he couldn’t hold back anymore.

“Ok, slow down Jisung. Deep breaths remember?” Jaemin said. Jisung’s thoughts floated back to that night in the practice room.

_“One more time and then you can leave.” Their instructor said._

_“We’ve been here for five hours, don’t you think we can just leave now?” Mark asked on everyone’s behalf._

_“No.” Their instructor responded, venom in his tone, turning the music on and expecting them to dance. Jisung rushed to his place, feeling his chest tighten as he started dancing. He was tired, and hadn’t been given a break to stop and breathe. Halfway through the choreo, he felt himself lose all feeling and crash to the floor._

_The music kept playing as he laid limp on the floor, trying to get up but feeling a pounding in his head. He faintly heard the other members panic-stricken voices but what stood out to him was the instructor’s words. ‘Keep going, he’s fine.’_

_Jaemin disregarded the instructor and pulled Jisung’s body away from the others, leaning down to check his pulse. Jisung looked at the older boy, using his eyes to tell him to go back to the dance but Jaemin simply shook his head before sitting Jisung up against the wall._

_“Take a deep breath, your breathing is dangerously slow.” He said, making Jisung copy his breaths._

“Jisung.” Jaemin had both hands on the boys’ shoulder and pressed the pad of this thumb into Jisung’s neck to make him come down from his thoughts. Jisung looked at the elder with blank eyes, opening and closing his mouth like a fish, “It’s ok, I’m here. Right here, like always.”

Jaemin pulled him back into a hug and didn’t let him talk again. Jisung appreciated his company, especially when Jaemin knew everything about his past. Or most of it, until he left.

“I’ve tried so hard to support you guys and forget about what happened,” Jisung started, bunching Jaemin’s shirt into his fists to ground himself, “Everyone who knows about my love for you guys think it’s just a simple fanboy situation, I tried so hard to keep it as just that but every time I see you guys perform I have to look away.”

“You know none of us would ever want you to force yourself to support us Jisung.” Jaemin whispered.

“I know, but I still feel like that’s what I owe you guys.”

Jaemin pulled away from the hug, placing his hands on Jisung’s shoulder again and forcing the younger to look at him.

“Listen to me carefully Jisung,” He said, his tone becoming serious, “You don’t owe any of us anything. What happened was out of your control, what the company did was completely out of your control and your tumour is not something you can control either. None of this is your fault to fix.”

Jisung cried again. Jaemin was so right—but he’d failed to let himself blame anyone but himself for the past. After all, they kept telling him it was his fault.

—

“Hi Chenle,” Eunbi greeted, walking into his room, “I need to talk to you about something personal.”

“What’s up?”

“Jisung wants to get your phone number so you two can be in contact,” She sighed, “I told him I couldn’t make that happen, but he begged so much so I decided I would talk to you and see how you feel about it. I know I’m not supposed to be doing this, but Chaemin told me that Jisung made you very happy and one of the reasons I’m a nurse is to make sure my patients are happy.”

Chenle sat on his bed, shocked for a moment before processing what she’d said. He wanted to be in contact with Jisung, but the risk of his father finding out was right there and he didn’t want to know what his father would do if he found out that Chenle went against his word.

“Thanks Eunbi,” He started, “Can I have some time to think about it?”

“Of course,” She replied, “Dinner is going to be served soon by the way, but I won’t bother you on this topic until you bring it up again.”

“Thank you.”

When she left, his phone buzzed. It was his mother saying she was available to call now. A lightbulb flickered in Chenle’s head as he realised what he could ask from his mother. After all, if anyone was going to support Chenle, it was his mother.

“Mum,” He said as soon as she picked up, “I need you to talk to dad about Jisung.”

He heard his mother sigh, “You know your father isn’t going to budge about this Chenle, and neither am I.”

“Mum please, I know he did something wrong but I have no one else in this hospital. Plus we don’t even know why he did what he did.”

“We don’t need to know why, he did it and that’s all that matters. You can’t see him.”

Chenle tried to speak, but his voice cracked and tears spilled. His mother waited for an answer, not realising that her son was crying because of her harsh words.

“Mum, please.” He whispered. Her heart broke when she heard his defeated tone.

After a few minutes of silence, Chenle was ready to hang up on his mother and give up.

“Alright.” She said, “I’ll call the nurses and lift the ban. You mustn’t say anything to your father though, he is adamant to keep you two apart and no convincing from anyone will stop that. I will call them right now, ok sweetie?”

Chenle nodded, “Thank you mum.”

“I love you Lele.” She said, hanging up before he could respond.

He fell back into his pillows as if a weight had been lifted off his chest, and he could finally smile. He fought for his friendship and proved Jisung wrong. 

He called Eunbi into his room after waiting twenty minutes; he had to give her time to get informed by his mother about the lifted ban first. When she walked in, he could sense her excitement from the moment she stepped into the room.

“I suppose you already know about the ban being lifted.”

“Yep, and I called you in so I could give my number to Jisung like he asked.” Chenle smiled, handing Eunbi a sheet of paper.

“Well, if you guys are allowed to see each other, do I really need to deliver this to him?” Eunbi asked.

“Can you call him in here then?” Eunbi nodded, walking out of the room. Chenle grabbed his phone and pulled up the camera, fixing his hair as best as he could. He wasn’t allowed to get up because there had to be someone in the room watching him if he did, and he was alone for now so he used his camera as a substitute to a mirror.

Eunbi walked into Jisung’s room, getting a surprise when he wasn’t in there. She didn’t know where else he could be, and she didn’t have anything to call him with. She decided to check Jaemin’s room first.

She knocked on the door, and smiled when Jaemin opened it.

“Hi Jaemin, I was just wondering if you’ve seen Jisung. He isn’t in his room.”

“Yeah, he’s in here, come on in.” Jaemin opened the door wider, letting her walk in. Jisung was lying on Jaemin’s bed, curled under the sheets.

“Hi Jisung,” Eunbi said, wondering if now was the best time, “I have some good news.”

Jisung grunted in response, not bothering to even look at her. Jaemin awkwardly sat in the chair next to his bed, watching the exchange unravel.

“Chenle’s mother called and said you are allowed to see Chenle now. If you wish to see him now, he’s waiting in his room.”

Jisung gasped, sitting up and examining Eunbi for any lies.

“Really?”

She nodded, telling Jaemin that he can come along too if his nurse allows it. He declined politely, telling Jisung to see Chenle and enjoy himself. Eunbi left the room with Jisung beside her, thanking Jaemin before closing his door.

Jisung bounced down the hallway, despite not even knowing where he was going. Eunbi kept up with his pace, directing him whenever he went the wrong way. After a few minutes, they arrived outside Chenle’s room.

“This is it.”

Jisung looked nervous, rubbing his hands on his pants to reduce the sweat. He grabbed the handle and opened the door. The room looked different to Chenle’s old one, but as soon as Jisung stepped into the room, familiarity hit him. Chenle laid in his bed, anticipating the visit. 

“Hi Sungie.” He smiled, signaling from him to come closer.

“Hi Lele,” Jisung smiled back, standing at the end of his bed. Eunbi closed the door and left the two alone, deciding they needed time to themselves.

“I missed you too, by the way. I’m sorry about kicking you out.” Chenle started.

“You were just following rules, I don’t blame you at all.” Jisung replied, “I’m sorry for what I said.”

“Do you want to lie down with me?”

Jisung’s heart sped up and a blush covered his cheeks. He nodded and climbed into the bed, squeezing himself beside Chenle. His body warmed up against Chenle’s.

“Can I ask you something?” Chenle said, placing his hand on Jisung’s hand. Jisung nodded in return, curling his fingers through Chenle’s. “Why’d you steal my mum’s phone?”

Jisung knew he couldn’t avoid this question. He had to explain himself or he’d lose Chenle without a ban cowering over them. 

“The company your parents supply albums for is Dream’s company,” Jisung started, “I wanted to get in contact with Jaemin, so I took the phone when I saw it lying around and found Jaemin’s number through that.”

“What?” Chenle pulled his hand out of Jisung’s, “Jisung, that’s illegal! You went through my mother’s personal details so you could get in contact with Jaemin! How crazy are you?”

Jisung put a hand on Chenle’s shoulder, but Chenle knocked him off and tried to move as far away from him as he could in the tiny bed.

“Chenle, let me explain.” Jisung said, tone bordering defeat.

“You better have a good reason for all this.”

“Jaemin and I were friends before I got admitted into a hospital.” Jisung said, watching Chenle’s expression change, “We lost contact after I left and I saw it as my chance to get back in contact with him. I know it was dumb and wrong, but can you blame me? I finally made a friend and had the chance to get back in contact with another friend after being alone for so long.”

“That’s still no reason to steal.”

Jisung sighed, “Well I’m sorry for stealing, but it was the only rational thing I could think of.”

Chenle sighed, letting his body relax and move close to Jisung again. He wanted so desperately to forgive Jisung. A part of him does forgive Jisung, because his reasoning was legitimate and he could see that Jisung regretted his actions.

“Do you regret it?” He asked, with an inkling of hope for Jisung to say he did.

“Yes.” Jisung said, “I didn’t want it to end with us being banned from seeing each other so of course I regret it, but I don’t regret getting back into contact with Jaemin.”

“Isn’t he here now?”

“He’s staying here for a while because he’s injured his back.”

“Oh,” Chenle said, “Is that everything you have to say about stealing the phone?”

Jisung sighed, “Well there’s more to the story about me and Jaemin, but it’s unrelated to the phone.”

“If you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to.” Chenle whispered, “I’m just glad I got you back.”

Jisung smiled when Chenle leaned in and pecked his cheek. His body screamed at him to confess; to tell Chenle that he’s the first person he’s liked in a long time. The first person to make his body feel so alive.

Chenle leaned back, wondering if what he did wasn’t the wrong move but smiling when he noticed Jisung’s smile. One day, he’d do it on Jisung’s lips.

“So, do you want to play some games?” He asked, grabbing the deck of cards on the table next to him.

Jisung nodded, sitting on the other side of the bed and crossing his legs as Chenle prepared the game and explained the rules. Chenle knew this game inside out, whilst it was Jisung’s first time playing so Chenle had a fun time winning every round.

“This is unfair,” Jisung pouted after his fifth loss, “I don’t understand how to win.”

Chenle laughed, explaining the rules again and giving him pointers on how to win. When they started their next round, Jisung gave Chenle a run for his money and nearly came out on top.

“And, I win.” Chenle said, cackling again.

“I was so close.” Jisung whined, “Let’s play again.”

“Last round.” Chenle said, getting a nod from Jisung who told him to hurry up.

Jisung finally won, celebrating after the game ended. Chenle smiled, not forgetting that he won the previous six games. He packed the game up, turning the TV on instead and letting Jisung fall into his arms.

“You and Jaemin were friends through school, right?” Chenle asked.

“Yeah.” Jisung responded, half lying. He didn’t want to tell Chenle the full story yet, so he just let Chenle think what he needed to right now. Keeping half of the truth a secret never hurt anyone after all. “How’s your leg?”

“It’s healing, it’ll be fine soon and I can finally walk again.” Chenle responded.

Jisung nodded before focusing on the TV. His brain kept screaming at him to tell Chenle about his feelings, but he knew if he confessed so early that he’d just mess everything up again.

He felt his chest tighten up again like that night at the thought of Chenle rejecting him. He hoped Chenle couldn’t feel how stiff his entire body went as he leaned against the elder, but it was as if he was an open book when Chenle’s arms wrapped around his waist and kisses were pressed on his shoulders.

The tightness melted away as he closed his eyes and fell asleep from the comfortableness of Chenle’s arms. Before he fell asleep he heard words fall from Chenle’s lips.

“I can’t lose you again.”

—

Chenle watched Jisung sleep for hours, wondering if he should wake him up soon or not. The younger looked so peaceful. It’d been so long since Chenle saw him this peaceful, he didn’t want to disrupt that. 

He felt that with every hour his feelings grew stronger. His thoughts occupied him as Jisung rolled in his sleep and sometimes mumbled incomprehensible sentences. His main concern was what would happen if his father found out that they were seeing each other again; or even worse, that his son had feelings for the boy who was a thief in the eyes of his father. 

The blankets started to heat him up too much, and he did his best to throw them off the both of them without waking Jisung up. Luckily, Jisung seemed to be a heavy sleeper. Which took Chenle by surprise, because one time he asked Chaemin about the symptoms of a tumour and she listed sleeping problems as one of them. As he stared at Jisung’s sleeping figure, he wondered if the younger had slept well the past few nights or if this was the longest sleep he’d gotten in a while. His heart sank when he realised that them being apart could’ve contributed to Jisung’s sleeping problems.

The younger stirred in his sleep after a while, before slowly opening his eyes and blinking to tolerate the light around him. He sat up once he realised the position he was in, and ruffled his hair.

“How long was I asleep for?” He moved to the other side of the bed, crossing his legs again.

“Three hours,” Chenle said, “Dinner is going to be served in twenty minutes but I can’t go downstairs so I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner here with me?”

“Oh,” Jisung breathed, “I’d love to but I don’t want to leave Jaemin alone. Can he join?”

Chenle nodded, realising he was going to meet a famous person for the first time. He didn’t really care about Jaemin’s idol image, and knew that he’d treat him like any normal person, but it still wasn’t everyday that he’d meet someone who he only saw through the TV in interviews or stages.

They played a few more card games as they waited for dinner. Chenle won most of them again, but Jisung managed to snatch a few wins every now again. 

Eunbi walked in with a tray for Chenle, not surprised to see Jisung still in the room.

“Are you planning to have dinner in here, Jisung?”

“Yeah, do you want to fetch my tray from downstairs though?” He asked, not wanting to burden her.

“It’s fine, I’ll get it for you.”

“Could you possibly tell Jaemin to come up here and join us so he isn’t alone for dinner?”

Eunbi nodded, placing the tray down before walking out again. Chenle grabbed his tray and placed it on his lap. Jisung got off the bed, and packed the cards up before pulling a chair out for Jaemin and himself. Moments later, Eunbi walked back in with a tray for Jisung, and Jaemin behind her.

“Hi Jisung!” Jaemin greeted, sitting in the empty seat, “Chenle, right? I’m Jaemin.”

Chenle shook Jaemin’s extended hand, “Yep, that’s me. It’s nice to meet you Jaemin.”

Jisung watched the interaction with a new feeling flooding his body. His long time friend and his crush interacting was something he didn’t expect to see in his lifetime, or on the first day of getting both of them back. He smiled when he realised his wish came true.

They ate their dinner altogether, discussing random topics and getting to know each other. Both of them noticed that Jisung was quieter than usual, but didn’t say much because he looked happy and that’s all that mattered.

“So, how’d you do that?” Jaemin asked, pointing at the cast.

“Oh, well I fractured it because I have bone cancer so my bones aren’t very strong and then I tried to walk to my bathroom from my bed alone and fell. It isn’t broken, but the fracture is worse than normal ones because my legs are already pretty bad.”

“That sounds so painful, I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, both of them were my fault to be honest. I went into the garden alone even though the ground was wet and slipped, and Jisung had told me not to but I still did.”

Jisung chuckled, “I still remember when Chaemin told me you’d fallen. I panicked so much.”

Chenle looked at him with a blank expression. The elder looked like he wanted to say something, but he just held their eye contact instead. Jaemin held his breath, looking between the two before deciding to interrupt whatever they were doing.

“So you’re in here for bone cancer?”

Chenle nodded, looking back at Jaemin. The air filled with unnecessary tension, and it made Chenle feel icky so he tried brushing off whatever had just happened between him and Jisung. Jaemin looked confused but knew there was something else going on between them, so he ignored it and continued chatting.

After a while, they’d all finished their food and were casually chatting amongst each other. Jisung had moved his chair closer to Chenle’s bed, discreetly resting his hand near Chenle’s. The youngers’ stomach flipped at the soft touches that Chenle stole when Jaemin was too distracted by conversation to notice. Something inside both of them stirred as they caressed each others’ hands while keeping their true feelings hidden away. 

Jaemin’s nurse walked in not long after, informing Jaemin that he had to go back to his room now. He wished the others farewell, before following her out of the room. When they left, Chenle turned to Jisung and smiled.

“He’s really nice.” Chenle said, distracting himself from Jisung intertwining their fingers. There was no reason to hide it anymore; they were in the safety of each other’s presence.

“Yeah, he’s always been like that.” Jisung mumbled, basking in the time he has with the elder.

“Do you think we could see each other again tomorrow?” He asked, hope laced behind his words.

Jisung nodded, “Of course.” He gave Chenle’s hand a squeeze. They sat in each others’ presence longer, neither wanting Jisung to leave. 

The atmosphere around them felt warm, and safe, Jisung didn’t want to lose it ever again. He’d lost enough people in his life. Chenle was the one person who could lift his mood with the smallest things; and Jisung felt himself become tormented by the idea of losing him again.

“Eunbi told me that your mother was the one who called. Did your father approve of this?”

Chenle shook his head, “He doesn’t know and it’s going to stay that way, ok?”

Jisung nodded, smiling at the thought of Chenle’s mother going against her husband’s will before frowning at the thought of his father finding out.

“Will I lose you again if your father finds out?” He asked, worry dripping through his voice.

“No,” Chenle said firmly, “I won’t let that happen again. It was too painful the first time, I’m not letting you go again.”

Jisung smiled, resting his head on the elder’s lap. Chenle was adamant to stick by his words—he wasn’t going to let Jisung go anyway.

That night he fell asleep without considering the fact that with every passing day, Jisung’s tumour was consuming him and he couldn’t keep his word forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading <3 hope you enjoyed <3
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/aurensle?s=21) [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/aurensle)


	6. brighter days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter has mentions of death, chemotherapy and a panic attack. pls be careful <3

Life had been boring these past few weeks for Jisung. 

He saw Chenle a lot which always brightened his day, but the visits were becoming less and less frequent, thanks to Jisung’s doctors. They pulled him away from normal life to run test upon test, shoving new meds into his hands and down his throat nearly every three days. He knew he’d have to deal with these things for the rest of his life, but he was just so tired. He wanted to live a normal eighteen year old life. Every time he was with Chenle or Jaemin, he had to leave for another visit with the doctor; he was _so_ drained from it.

Eunbi walked into his room just minutes after he woke up, to check on him.

“Do I have any visits with doctors today?” He asked from the bathroom where he was fixing his hair. He’d gotten distracted a few times and ultimately forgotten what he was doing. If someone else was there keeping count, they’d know he’d brushed his hair five times already.

“Only one after lunch to discuss the results of last weeks’ test.” Eunbi said before escorting him downstairs for breakfast.

Jaemin was waiting down there for him, and said Chenle would be down soon. Chenle’s leg was still in a cast, but was close to getting it off so he was more mobile now. Jisung was glad, eating from his lap in his small room was starting to become difficult.

“How are you feeling?” Jaemin asked, smiling brightly as if today was his birthday.

“Yeah, good.” Jisung mumbled, sitting down and slumping his shoulders.

Chenle walked in moments later, interrupting their conversation. He took a seat next to Jisung, squeezing the younger’s hand as an extra greeting. Chenle could sense his stress from the moment he stepped into the cafeteria, and he knew small touches went a long way to comfort the latter.

“What were you guys talking about?”

“Dream,” Jaemin started, “and the old days when we trained together.”

“You guys trained together?” Chenle asked, surprise taking over his calm expression. Jisung’s posture straightened as he registered the words around him. He’d wanted to keep that a secret from Chenle.

“Yeah, didn’t you know?” Jaemin said, not knowing the weight of his words, “Jisung was going to debut with us before he got admitted into the hospital.”

“Jaemin.” Jisung snapped, looking at the boy with fire in his eyes. His entire body was shaking inside with nerves, but he forced himself to look confident in the slightest. His lack of confidence in confrontational situations was always what pushed his opponent to step all over him— but not this time. Jaemin wasn’t his opponent and wasn’t going to take advantage of him. Jaemin retracted his confident stance, realising he said too much but he couldn’t withdraw his words now. It was in the open and there was no turning back.

“What’s he talking about Jisung?” Chenle asked, moving his hand to squeeze Jisung’s shoulder. Over the months of knowing Jisung, he knew the boy had secrets but the last thing he wanted was for Jisung to stress about telling them.

“It’s nothing.” Jisung mumbled, curling into himself as the confidence melted away. “It’s nothing.”

Jaemin’s eyes widened when he heard Jisung’s words, and startled Chenle when he jumped up, pulling Jisung away from the situation. They left the cafeteria so fast, Chenle didn’t have time to grab his crutches to follow them. He sighed and leaned on the table, thanking the nurse who placed a tray of food in front of him moments later.

“Where’d your friends go?” She asked with a frown.

“The bathroom,” Chenle lied, “They said they’ll grab food later. Don’t worry about bringing their trays over.”

Jaemin dragged Jisung into an empty hallway, doing what he always does when the younger spiraled; placing his hands on Jisung’s shoulders, pressing into the right spots that engraved his memory from the past, calming the younger with a few touches.

“It’s nothing…” Jisung repeated, dazed.

“Hey. It’s me Jaemin. You’re alright Jisung, you’re safe.” Jaemin whispered, knowing Jisung couldn’t handle big noises when this happens.

Jisung took a few deep breaths, calming down from Jaemin’s reassuring voice. He leaned onto Jaemin’s figure, letting himself be held securely. His hair stuck to his own neck and made him feel sweaty, but he couldn’t care less as Jaemin caressed his back, pushing his hair off his forehead upon pulling away.

“Let’s go back, ok?” Jaemin offered his hand. Jisung took it, walking with the younger.

They walked back to the cafeteria, spotting Chenle eating alone. Most of the people had left already, and Jisung didn’t see Eunbi anywhere so he assumed that he’d missed breakfast. Jaemin tugged him towards the table, but he held back for a second, his thoughts occupying his movements.

“Please don’t tell Chenle anything.” He mumbled, “I don’t want him to know about the past.”

“Alright. Don’t worry Jiji,” Jaemin said, bringing out the old nickname. Jisung smiled from the nostalgia, and released his hand from Jaemin after giving him a final squeeze. He slid onto the bench next to Chenle, resting his head on his shoulder and silently telling Chenle that everything was okay. He smiled at the action, patting Jisung’s thigh in recognition. 

Jaemin sat opposite them, asking Chenle if they could still get breakfast.

“It’s probably sitting in the kitchen, just ask someone.” He replied. 

Jaemin caught the attention of the nearest nurse, asking her for two breakfast trays. She brought it to them moments later, Chenle playing on his phone out while the others dug into their food. Jisung ate slower than usual, Chenle eventually noticed and put his phone away to help the other.

He leaned close so Jaemin couldn’t hear him. Jisung felt safe in their little bubble.

“Hey, don’t rush baby. Your hands are shaking, do you want me to help?” 

Jisung nodded, giving his cutlery to Chenle. He felt a lump in his throat as Chenle divided the food and offered him small spoonfuls. The meaning behind Chenle helping him is what made him tear up, and lose it when Chenle dropped the cutlery to cup his face. The tears streamed down his face as Chenle caressed his soft fingers under his eyes and across his cheeks. Jaemin sat back, realising that Chenle could handle this and was a constant in Jisung’s life now. Not him. 

Chenle wasn’t surprised that he finally broke after watching Jisung’s mood deflating over time, but he was definitely worried. The tears slowed down after a while, and he let his head fall onto Chenle’s shoulder again, pressing himself close to Chenle’s warmth. His hand fell onto Jisung’s thigh and rested there as the other hand fed Jisung. Jaemin finished his food before Jisung did, staying seated, not wanting the younger to think he was taking too long. It was only when his nurse came over and stated that he needed to leave for checkups that Jaemin said goodbye and departed from the couple. 

Chenle continued feeding Jisung, telling him he was doing well. 

“I’m full Chenle.” Jisung whined. “You can finish it.”

Chenle nodded, eating the last few spoonfuls before pushing the tray aside and grabbing his crutches. Jisung walked beside him to Chenle’s room. It was that moment that made Chenle realise how special their friendship was, how willing they were to pause their paces for the other to keep up. They always slow down so the other doesn’t feel left behind. 

Chenle’s heart flipped as he realised that Jisung was willing to tend to him even when he was dealing with his own problems. He didn’t want Jisung to put Chenle above his own personal needs, but the thought that he meant that much to Jisung made him feel special, made him feel a love that his parents had never given him. 

Chenle noticed that Jisung’s health has been depleting. It was obvious. He was forgetting things, waking up vomiting, and complaining about things being too loud when they were the same volume as always. Chenle wanted to ask Eunbi about it, but at the same time, he wanted to ignore it. He wanted to throw a towel over it and pretend it didn’t exist, not for his sake, but for the sake of Jisung not being in pain.

All the constant visits Jisung has at the doctors were taking a toll on Chenle too. He didn’t know how to handle the thought of Jisung’s health declining, and he had enough sense to know that constant tests and new medication meant they didn’t know what was happening with Jisung’s illness. Which also meant his tumour wasn’t manageable anymore; it was probably becoming bigger or stronger. It scared Chenle. He didn’t want to lose Jisung so soon. 

They sat in his room, playing games and enjoying each others’ company again. Chenle had gotten a call from his mother last night, informing him that they were coming over today around dinnertime. She mentioned in a whisper to keep Jisung away while they were there, so his father wouldn’t find out about what they’d done behind his back. Chenle told Jisung while they were in his room, but knew he might forget so when Eunbi walked in to escort Jisung to his consultation, he asked her to come back later.

His room felt smaller when Jisung left, and he wondered if he’d feel this lonely every time Jisung wasn’t around. The room felt a bit more lively when Eunbi walked in, smiling as usual.

“How can I help you Chenle?”

“Is Jisung’s tumour getting worse?” He asked bluntly. He didn’t have the patience to beat around the bush.

“I’m not allowed to talk to you about other patient’s personal details Chenle. If you want to know, ask Jisung himself and let him tell you.” Eunbi sighed.

“Does he even remember what the doctors tell him?” Chenle asked.

“He does. I talk to him about it every morning so he has less chances of forgetting.” She replied, “If it lessens your worries, he isn’t getting any more tests done today. He’s at the doctor to discuss the tests from last week.”

Chenle let out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding. He was still worried, but he felt at ease at the thought of Jisung not doing even more tests. 

“I need you to keep Jisung away from me tonight.” Chenle announced, “My parents are coming over and I can’t let my father see us together. I told him, but I don’t know if he’ll remember or not so I need you to make sure he isn’t nearby.”

“I can do that.” 

Chenle was alone in the room again, staring at the walls that he hadn’t decorated yet. He didn’t want to move back to his old room, first of all his father wouldn’t allow that, but he really missed it. He missed being so close to Jisung that the younger could come over whenever he wanted without having to tell anyone. 

Jisung walked back in moments later, holding a sheet of paper in his hand. He sat on the chair next to Chenle’s bed, which made Chenle worry again. Jisung always sat on his bed with him lately, so he was surprised and confused by Jisung taking a seat on the chair. He handed Chenle the paper without saying anything more.

Chenle read it, analysing the complex Korean words to the best of his ability. 

“You need chemo?” 

—

Chenle napped after Jisung left. The explaining and constant mention of Jisung receiving chemotherapy made him tired. He willed himself to sleep in favour of ignoring the anxiety that held him down and pierced through his body. He wasn’t prepared for any of this at all, and had to hold back tears in front of the younger as he uttered the words, _“I’m dying Chenle.”_

He didn’t want to believe it. He’s never dealt with someone close to him passing away before, especially someone younger than him. It shocked him just as much as it saddened him. He knew he needed to make the most out of the time he had with Jisung, but he also didn’t want to believe Jisung’s words until he talked to a doctor about it. Chemotherapy is supposed to work, it’s supposed to prevent death so Chenle held all the hope in the world for Jisung’s recovery.

When he woke up, Eunbi was placing a tray of food on his bed. It was dinner time already.

“Eunbi.” Chenle mumbled, “Is Jisung dying?”

“Where did you get that from?” She asked, baffled.

“That’s what he said after he told me about chemotherapy.” Chenle said, sadness dripping through his voice.

“He isn’t dying Chenle. The doctors analysed the tests he’d done with a lot of care and have decided that chemotherapy is the best alternative to make sure he beats this tumour. He’s not at any of the stages near death,” Eunbi explained, “I need to scold him for thinking that now.”

Chenle had never felt his chest loosen up so much before. Jisung was wrong; he _wasn’t_ dying. The doctors were just taking precautions. He smiled and thanked Eunbi before getting comfortable with the tray on his lap.

“Are my parents here yet?”

“They’re in the lobby just filling out usual visitor forms.” Eunbi said, making her exit.

Chenle started eating, feeling his stomach grumble after deciding whether he should eat now or after his parents visit. They walked in as he was halfway through the tray, so he pushed it aside, deciding he’d finish the rest later.

“Hi son.” His father greeted, “How have you been?”

—

His friends’ days were counted, Jaemin knew that. But when his bandmates walked in and learnt about Jisung’s presence, the sobs that escaped his body were uncontrollable. Renjun offered him a glass of water when he stopped crying.

“So,” Donghyuck started, sitting on Jaemin’s bed, “Jisung is at this hospital for a brain tumour?”

Jaemin nodded, not trusting his voice right now. Jeno and Renjun shared looks, while Mark looked sick and Donghyuck looked sad. Jaemin wondered if they thought he was crazy, or if they genuinely believed him. Their silence proved otherwise.

“Well are you going to say anything?”

“Can we meet him?” Mark piped up. 

“I can ask his nurse, but it’s late. His sleeping pills might have kicked in already.” Jaemin said, reaching for his remote. His nurse walked in, and called Eunbi as the others stood around watching.

They sat around as they waited for Jisung, discussing Jaemin’s state and how long it’d take for him to get back to promotions. Jaemin missed his idol life, but Jisung and Chenle’s presence were enough to keep him going. He noticed something different about his bandmates, but couldn’t quite place what it was.

There wasn’t much that could happen while he was gone. The only thing he could think of was another injury.

“What are you guys hiding from me?” Jaemin asked, not wanting this awkwardness to dwell into their first meeting with Jisung after so many years.

Mark looked at Donghyuck for support, like he always does. Renjun avoided eye contact and Jeno just stared. Jaemin sighed, waiting for them to talk. He didn’t know when they would, but he could wait. They had plenty of time to come in again tomorrow.

“We aren’t hiding anything.” Donghyuck said.

“Well, something is up, I can sense it.” Jaemin eyed all of them, his gaze flooding them with nostalgia.

“We’re just surprised,” Jeno added, avoiding his eye contact, “We thought we’d never see Jisung again.”

Jaemin sighed internally, realising they had a point. It had been years since they’d seen the younger, so they must be shocked and a bit scared to be reuniting with him so quickly. Especially in a hospital unfamiliar to them. Jaemin just hoped the unfamiliar setting wouldn’t make their interactions awkward or forced. He wanted them to reunite happily.

Eunbi walked into the room, Jisung trailing behind her. 

“He’s here boys.” Eunbi said, moving to stand beside the other nurse. They looked at each other, before leaving the room, closing the door on their way out.

Jisung stood by the doorway, eyes downcast. Jaemin gestured at the others to speak or bring Jisung closer. Mark made the first move, walking up to Jisung, holding eye contact as if to ask for permission before wrapping his arms around the boy.

“You’ve grown a lot.” Mark whispered, making Jisung cry. The others cooed, surrounding Jisung in a group hug. Jaemin smiled from his bed, not having the energy to lift himself out of bed. 

“I didn’t think I’d ever see you guys again.” Jisung cried. They rubbed his back, soothing him before letting him sit beside Jaemin on his bed. They spent as long as they could catching up on everything, discussing Jisung’s new life, avoiding bringing up the past. It was simple to pretend that the past didn’t affect him anymore as the smiles of the others washed over him and replaced old memories.

“Did you think about us a lot?” Renjun asked. Their eyes darted to Jisung, watching him intensely for his response. He shifted under their gazes.

“Of course I did.” He said, “How could I not? I have posters of you guys up in my room, I watch all your interviews, I keep up with everything.”

“That’s really brave of you Jiji.” Mark mumbled. Jisung smiled fiddly, not wanting pity but at the same time wanting praise. The others agreed with Mark’s words, shuffling their feet around.

“I should probably get going.” Jisung announced, “I haven’t taken my pills yet, and if I don’t take them soon I won’t be able to sleep.”

They pulled him into one last hug, squeezing tighter than ever before. Jaemin told him that he’d see in the morning for breakfast, before squeezing his cheek and sending him off. He walked into his room, laying in bed and calling Eunbi, letting a sigh out. Today has been a good day. Minus the chemotherapy.

Eunbi told him earlier that he was not dying, and shouldn’t go around telling people but he didn’t care as much as he knew he should. It was obvious that he was dying, maybe not in the next few months, but he wasn’t set to live a long life. Everyone had enough sense to know that.

Eunbi walked in, handing him his pills. They did his report before he went to Jaemin’s room, so she left after checking that he’d swallowed them. He rolled on his side, staring out the window. The sky was dark again, with the moon outshining the stars. He lingered on the thought of seeing Chenle in the morning, feeling warmth at the idea. He knew it was too early to tell Chenle, but he was falling in deep and didn’t know how to stop. Chenle was an entity who made life just a bit better for Jisung. He found himself not wanting to stop himself from falling.

He fell asleep with the elder boy in his head, while Chenle stood by his window, admiring the dark sky. His visit with his parents had drained him. He was sick of pretending to be the perfect man for them. 

The next morning, Jisung bounced into Chenle’s room, waking the elder up. Chenle groaned and rolled over.

“What’s up Jisung?”

“Breakfast is pancakes and waffles, get up.”

Chenle laughed, climbing out of his bed slowly, fixing his hair before grabbing his clothes and closing the bathroom door. Jisung waited patiently in the room, admiring the little candles Chenle had scattered around the room. He walked out of the bathroom, dressed and hair brushed. Jisung smiled, leaving his room with Chenle following close behind him. They walked down in relative silence, basking in the quiet hospital. It was too early for noise, the only noises coming from outside, sounds of cars zooming past and birds chirping as they flew freely through the sky. Jisung was jealous of their freedom.

They devoured the food together, giggling at the sweet combinations of ice cream, maple syrup and whipped cream on a single pancake. Jisung ate the waffles with brown sugar and strawberries, smiling at the taste. Jaemin joined them just as they finished their food.

“Done already? Jeez, when did you guys get down here?”

“We were the firsts in thanks to Jisung.” Chenle said, wiping his face with a serviette. 

They pushed their trays aside, staying seated to keep Jaemin company, conversing amongst each other. They were having fun, until Eunbi walked up to them and asked for Chenle. He followed her, not having a clue of the reason for this. She guided him to the same room he stayed in when he had surgery. He took a seat on the familiar bed, realising the reason. He was getting his cast off.

“This isn’t going to hurt is it?” He asked the doctor.

“No.” Was the response he got. He waited quietly for the rest of the time, flinching when the cast was broken off. It didn’t hurt, but he felt a minor ache in the healed leg. He supposed he still had to be careful with it.

“No intense work on your leg. That includes walking up and down stairs, or walking for longer than ten minutes without stopping.” The doctor grabbed a clipboard, writing stuff down. Chenle nodded, waiting for Eunbi to escort him out.

“How come you’ve never had surgery for your cancer before sir?” The doctor asked, “You’re in perfect condition for it, and your cancer isn’t at the stage of being tumorous to your brain.”

Chenle shrugged, “My parents take care of that stuff. I have no idea why they haven’t yet.”

“I can book you in for surgery in the next two weeks. Speak to your parents about it, if you don’t get it soon, your cancer won’t be recoverable.”

The doctor left, Eunbi walking in simultaneously. She ushered Chenle out of the room, asking how his leg felt.

“It’s fine.” He replied, “Did you know that I could get surgery to fix this completely?”

Eunbi nodded, “You got surgery for your leg Chenle."

“No, not my leg.” He sighed, “The doctor that was in there before looked through my records and told me that I could get surgery within the next few weeks and be cured.”

“It’s not that simple Chenle.” She stated, “You have cancer. You’re lucky to have a treatable one, but one surgery isn’t going to cure you. It’s going to take multiple surgeries, radiotherapy or chemotherapy. The process is tiring, and we’ve been trying to avoid it as best as possible. The medications you’re on now are good enough. You won’t be getting that surgery.”

Chenle deflated. She had a point, and he couldn’t argue with someone who knew what they were talking about when he had no idea. They were silent for the rest of the walk, and he felt a part of him relax when Jisung was waiting for him in his room.

“You got your cast off.” He said.

Chenle nodded, showing off his free leg. “I still need to be careful though.”

“So we can’t go to the garden together right now?” Jisung asked.

Chenle chuckled, looking at Eunbi for approval. She shrugged, telling them to be careful. Jisung jumped up, dragging Chenle by the wrist. He followed obliviously, catching a glimpse of Jaemin in his room, doing back exercises with his nurse standing nearby. The garden hadn’t changed much from the last time Chenle saw it, but he noticed the tomato patch and headed directly for it.

“Did you do this?” He asked, admiring the various tomatoes that had grown or were still growing off their stalks. 

Jisung nodded, crouching beside Chenle to inspect his creations. They weren’t pretty, but Jisung didn’t care, they were just tomatoes after all. The memories of gardening with his father flooded in, and he smiled nostalgically, hoping his father was watching them right now from somewhere far away.

Chenle sat on the bench just like last time, beckoning Jisung to join him. They sat together with the cold air, in a comfortable silence, basking in the pretty green garden. Chenle wasn’t sure what he should say, deciding it was best to stay quiet. Jisung didn’t want to do the same.

“What was your childhood like?” He asked, eyes wide.

“I lived in China as a kid. It was really nice, I miss my hometown a lot. I sometimes miss my old friends too.”

“Why’d you move?”

“My parents had to for the company. It became too hard to manage a Korean company from outside of Korea, so we moved. Why?”

Jisung shook his head, “Just curious. How did they even become CEOs of a Korean company?”

Chenle shrugged, realising he never bothered to find that out. He was too young at the time to care. All he cared about when they became CEOs was whether it’d mean they could buy him more toys or video games. They never did.

“What about your mum? You said she’s in and out of jobs?”

“Well, not anymore. I don’t quite know what she’s doing now, but she was stable in a retail job for a while. She used to complain over the phone about the men she had to work with, but she doesn’t call as much anymore.” Jisung answered. He felt a sadness plunge through him. He’d been avoiding the thought, but now she was in his head and his heart ached as he realised he missed her more than anything. Just a simple call every now and again would be enough for the longing to be fulfilled, but she couldn’t even do that.

Chenle noticed his sadness, placing a hand on his thigh and changing the topic. They talked about a new video game that Jisung was trying to purchase, ushering inside after realising lunch was being served. They found Jaemin sitting at the table with Yangyang beside him. They exchanged confused looks, before sitting opposite the two.

“Hi Jaemin, who’s this?” Jisung asked, pretending not to know.

“Ah, this is Yangyang! We met earlier at back therapy, is it cool if he sits with us?” Jaemin smiled.

They both nodded, introducing themself to the quiet boy. He introduced himself back with a soft voice, but as the conversation continued, his voice became louder and filled with confidence. Jisung smiled, enjoying his presence despite seeing him in the most awkward places around the hospital previously. Chenle was once a mystery to Jisung, but he was a mystery Jisung had the privilege of figuring out — he never had the opportunity to figure Yangyang out.

He ignored his thoughts, not wanting to turn a new friend into a mystery case. It was intriguing, but he didn’t want to view Yangyang that way. He seemed nice and fun to be around, Jisung felt sorry that he’d been stuck in this boring hospital his whole life. It must be hard to not be allowed out. He wondered if Yangyang had ever been allowed out, because surely, they couldn’t keep him locked away from the outside world.

Chenle nudged him when their food came over, noticing the boy wasn’t focusing on the scene around him. Jisung smiled, shyly picking up his cutlery and beginning to eat.

“So Jaemin, what’s happening with your back?” Jisung asked.

“Uh, I think I’ll get surgery soon and then leave once I’ve recovered from that.” He said, digging into his food. The others nodded, not wanting to go into too much detail, wary of the sensitivity regarding the topic. 

Jisung finished his food quicker than the others, feeling a small pain in his stomach when he was done. He ignored it, squeezing Chenle’s hand to dispense it, maybe he shouldn’t have eaten as fast as he did.

“I’m going back to my room.” He announced, “It was nice meeting you Yangyang. I’ll see you guys later.”

He walked out, hoping Chenle would follow him, rushing to his room. He laid down, positioning himself towards the window so he could look out at the beautiful sky. Moments later, Chenle walked in, sitting in the chair beside his bed. His heart deflated a bit when Chenle didn’t climb in next to him.

“What’s wrong?” Chenle mumbled, grabbing his hands, caressing them softly.

“I miss my mum.” He uttered, holding back a choked sob. “And my dad.”

The blankets were lifted, and weight was added to the bed as Chenle slipped in beside him. He turned over, facing Chenle, feeling excitement rip through him. He could ignore his longing for his parents when he had a boy with stars in his eyes right in front of him.

Chenle’s hand found his, despite their faces being inches apart, caressing it delicately again. He stared into his eyes, smiling without realising it. This is where he wanted to be.

“Your parents are proud of you Jisung.” Chenle whispered, “I’m sure they miss you too.”

Jisung leaned closer, tucking his face under Chenle’s chin, letting out a content sigh. An arm wrapped around his waist and held him there, rubbing his back to lull him to sleep. The room itself was cold, but under Chenle’s chin and wrapped in blankets made Jisung warm all over. His heat radiated happiness that they could both feel as they fell asleep in each other’s arms, smiles plastered across their faces.

—

“Hello Chenle.” The doctor from last time popped his head into the boys’ room, “Did you think about my offer?”

Eunbi wasn’t in the room currently, so Chenle wondered if it was all right for him to speak on her behalf. Besides, he was sure he wasn’t even legally allowed to give permission for a surgery, it was his parents’ job to provide consent still.

“I’ve decided to turn it down.” He replied.

“And why is that?”

“Because I don’t want it.” He said.

Anger flashed through the doctors’ eyes for a moment, scaring Chenle, before he recomposed himself and faked a smile. Discreetly, Chenle reached for his remote to call Eunbi, hoping the doctor couldn’t see his hand moving around behind him. 

“I just hope you know that you’re making a mistake here.” He said, “I have information on your friend that could destroy his career.”

Chenle knitted his eyebrows together, confused beyond explanations, “What are you talking about?”

“You know exactly what, and who, I am talking about. Dig a bit deeper in that rotting brain of yours, Zhong Chenle.” He said, venom dripping in his tone, spinning on his heels and leaving. Eunbi walked in moments later, asking why he called her.

In a daze, he pretended that he had just pressed the button on accident, apologising for disrupting her. She left again after that, leaving Chenle to think hard about what that doctor was saying and who he was talking about. A few hours ago, Chenle was sleeping idly in Jisung’s arms, he wished he was back there now more than ever, safe and comfortable. That doctor gave him the creeps, and his threats scared him beyond any of his phobias. The only thing that scared him more than that doctor was losing Jisung. 

He left his room, walking around the hospital to find Jaemin. He knew now who the doctor was referring to, suddenly needing to see Jaemin before things got out of hand.

“Do you have any secrets?” Chenle asked, sitting in the chair beside Jaemin’s bed.

“Why are you asking so suddenly?”

“It’s serious. I need to know what your secrets are.”

Jaemin sent him a weird look, shifting in his bed so he was further away from Chenle. He realised how harrowing his question was, and searched for a better approach.

“Look, I don’t want to scare you, but there was a doctor in my room threatening that if I don’t go through with some surgery, he’ll release information on a friend of mine that’ll ruin their career. Now I know that you might not consider us friends, but I know for a fact that you are the only friend of mine with a career that can be publicly ruined. So what are your secrets?”

“Do I need to call a nurse? You sound crazy Chenle.” Jaemin said, eyebrows raised.

“Jaemin. I’m being serious. Would I speak about your career being ruined as a joke?”

Jaemin eyed him for a bit, before giving in.

“Ok, fine. You have a point there, but I don’t have any secrets that can ruin my career.” Jaemin said hesitantly.

“You’re lying, I can tell.”

He sighed, looking down at his hands before raising his head again. When he raised his head, his facial expression had changed, it was sadder this time, which worried Chenle.

“I’m dating Jeno.”

“Your bandmate?” Chenle yelled, startling Jaemin. He winced, telling Chenle to keep it down. “Sorry, but uh, isn’t that not allowed?”

“It isn’t, but we hide it. Not even the other members know. I thought we were being careful enough, so I don’t know how that person found out.” Jaemin shrugged, “Are you sure that it’s me he was talking about?”

Chenle shrugged, mind working in overdrive. Jaemin placed a hand on top of his, telling him he should alert Eunbi about the encounter before something bad happened. Chenle knew he was right, that he should listen to Jaemin, but he didn’t know what Eunbi would be able to do. He considered telling his father, but knew that wouldn’t end well. His father was too tempered. 

“By the way,” Jaemin squeezed his hand, “I do consider us friends.”

He smiled, squeezing Jaemin’s hand back. He left the room shortly after making a promise to tell someone about what happened. Jaemin didn’t make him promise who he’d tell, so Chenle decided that he’d fulfill the promise by telling Jisung. He was on the way to Jisung’s room, until he turned a corner and saw his parents walking towards him. He decided then and there that telling his parents was a better idea than telling Jisung. He didn’t care about his fathers’ reaction enough to put his friend at risk.

“Hi Lele.” His mother greeted, smiling at him.

“What are you guys doing here?” He asked, hugging them.

“We came for another visit. How’ve you been son?” His father asked.

“Actually I was just on my way to tell—” He paused, “Ah, nevermind. Actually I have something to tell you guys. It’s really serious, can we go to my room first?”

His parents followed him to his room, talking to themselves on the way. He took a seat on his bed, crossing his legs and looking at his parents. They noticed his cast was gone, but didn’t say anything, waiting for him to talk instead.

“Someone offered me surgery to fix my cancer, but I told my nurse about it and she said that it was fake because I’d need multiple surgeries before it even begins to work, but he came back today and threatened me. I don’t know what to do.” Chenle explained, hoping his father didn’t react horribly.

“Do you know his name?” His father asked.

“No. I just know that he’s a doctor here, but I’m starting to doubt that.” He said, looking at the ground.

“Ok, this is what will happen.” His mother stepped in, silently gathering her ideas as he talked to his father, “Next time you run into him, play dumb and get his name. Then you tell us, and leave it up to us. Try to get a photo of his face too if you can.”

His mothers’ words surprised him, he didn’t expect that from her, but he smiled as he realised how easy it’d be for them to take this guy down for him. He wondered how he was supposed to play dumb though.

“I can do that, but how exactly do I play dumb?” He asked.

“Pretend that you think you know his name and guess with a bunch of absurd names until he gets frustrated and tells you his real name.” She replied.

He nodded, not wanting to ask how she was so good at this. His father stood aside, silently approving of his wife’s words, everyone knew he approved when he was quiet, letting her handle things. Chenle assured them that he’d handle it, getting them the information they need before switching topics, hoping they would leave before Jisung barges in. 

They sat in the chairs around his room, informing him that they’d stay a while as they didn’t have any work matters to attend to. He was glad, their company wasn’t suffocating him today, and he missed his mum even more than anything after the interactions with the weird man. He took his phone out, placing it next to him, discreetly trying to text Jisung not to come over. His father would scold him if he was caught on his phone while they were talking to him, so he tried to keep it as tactful as possible.

The door to his room opened, and he turned to see Jisung in the doorway. His face was excited, but Chenle’s read horror as his father turned around and saw Jisung in the doorway.

“Why is he here?” His fathers’ voice boomed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed :D
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/aurensle?s=21) [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/aurensle)


	7. blushed cheeks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for taking so long to post :( been reallllyyyyy busy with school and streaming nct 2020!!!!

Chenle watched Jisung’s face morph into horror, stepping back as fast as he could. His father stopped the boy before he could run off, whilst his mother looked as scared as the teenage boys. Chenle felt his heart beating in his chest as his father interrogated the younger.

“Why are you here?” He demanded for the upteenth time.

Jisung didn’t answer, too shocked to form words. Chenle felt his mothers’ hand slip into his, squeezing it for support. He smiled at her, silently nodding to indicate that he was okay; he had to be okay.

“Dad.” He interrupted, voice shaky, “I don’t know why he’s here, but he probably entered the wrong room on the way to someone else’s room.”

“I don’t believe that for a second Chenle. I’m not stupid.” He fumed, glaring at Jisung.

The demands bouted on, filling the air with tension as Chenle held his head in his hands. His father was intense, and scary at times, but right now, Chenle had a fire in his heart that refused to be put out by someone as cruel as his father.

“Well, if you don’t believe me I guess I’ll just tell you the truth.” He sighed, ignoring Jisung’s panicked look, “We’ve been seeing each other for a few weeks secretly, behind everyone’s back.”

He wanted to rub in his fathers’ face how his wife went behind his back and gave them permission to see each other, but he knew that wouldn’t put his mother in a safe position. The last thing he wanted was his father projecting his anger onto his kind mother. He’d rather let the blame fall on himself.

“Did you know about this?” His father pointed at his mother, face brewing in fury. She released Chenle’s hand, beginning to defend herself. 

“She didn’t know anything, didn’t you hear me say it was behind everyone’s back?” Chenle interrupted, switching to his native tongue to leave Jisung out of the argument. He didn’t want Jisung to hear what he had to say as of now. “We’ve been seeing each other behind everyone’s back, and there’s nothing you can do to stop that. He makes me happy dad, if you cared about me then you wouldn’t hold such a grudge against the one person who makes living in this shithole bearable.”

“Don’t speak to me like that.” His father responded, anger leaving his voice, being replaced with annoyance. 

He turned to Chenle’s mother, debating with her in a language neither boys could understand. Chenle turned away from them, smiling at Jisung as an attempt to ease his worries. He smiled back shyly, and Chenle felt a blush cover his cheeks, heart yearning for more than shy smiles shared under the impression of friends. His father turned to them, as his mother sat down again, a sigh leaving her lips. Chenle focused on his father again, studying his expression to figure out what his next words would be. By the dissatisfied look on his face, Chenle assumed that his mother had convinced him to drop his grudge.

“You guys can see each other from now on.” His father said, face void of any positivity. “No more sneaking around, enjoy yourselves while you can.”

Chenle sighed, sensing the threat behind his fathers’ words. He was taunting Jisung for his illness. Chenle wanted to ignore it, but he wasn’t going to let Jisung be stomped on by his father when he could put a stop to it.

“Jisung’s illness has nothing to do with whether we can see each other or not. How dare you mock something that risks his life when he’s hardly an adult? You sound like a stupid child, father.” He spat in Mandarin, enjoying the annoyed expression that developed on his fathers’ face. “Get out of my room before I call the nurses and have you banned.” He announced in Korean, wanting as many people to hear him.

His mother looked shocked, as well as Jisung, but his father looked angry all over again. He smirked up at his father, practically seeing the steam shooting from his ears. He reached for his remote, threatening him with the button that would alert Eunbi with just one click. His mother made the first move, standing up and placing a hand on her husbands’ arm, whispering to him that it was best that they left. His father sent one more glare to his son, and Jisung, before gathering his pride and striding out of the room. 

Jisung bounced towards him, panic leaving his face along with his father.

“I don’t know what just happened, but that was amazing on your part.” He said, hugging Chenle, “Also, I’m really sorry for walking in and causing all that.”

“Don’t be sorry, my father caused it from the day he banned us from seeing each other.” Chenle whispered back, sighing into the hug. Jisung’s arms felt like a home he’d been stripped of his whole life. His heart ached at the thought of losing it.

Jisung took a seat on the edge of the bed, fiddling with the blankets that covered Chenle’s body. They conversed for a while, smiling at each other whenever their eyes met. Chenle wanted to invite Jisung to lie down, but something told him the positions they were in right now were enough. At least they were enough until Eunbi walked in and announced that Jisung had an appointment to attend to. Chenle realised he should’ve invited Jisung under the blankets with him, he’d taken advantage of the warmth Jisung provides.

The room was empty again, and Chenle looked around for something to entertain himself with. He turned his TV on, and played a new show he’s been itching to finish. His mind drifted off when the show finished, wondering what he was going to do about that man who threatened him earlier. He was sure he was talking about Jaemin, and that if he wasn’t careful something bad would happen to his new proclaimed friend, but at the same time he was aware that the guy was probably trying to get into his head. 

“Hey Eunbi.” He smiled as Eunbi walked inside.

“Hey Chenle.” She said, “I’m here to investigate further on that doctor you mentioned earlier, the one who offered the surgery. Do you know his name?”

“No idea.” He responded, “But he was the one who took my cast off, so maybe his name is on a record somewhere.”

Eunbi nodded, looking through the papers held in place by her clipboard. Chenle watched anxiously, anticipating her next move. He wanted to ask if Jisung was finished with his appointment but shoved the thought to the back of his head as Eunbi showed him every document regarding his cast.

“His name is right here.” She pointed at the signature next to a space that asked for the name of the doctor who’d taken his cast off. Park Hyunwoo, it read.

“Do you know who he is?” Chenle asked.

Eunbi pondered on the question for a bit, “He used to be a doctor here. I don’t know how he got in again, but I know he has a twin who's also a doctor so that could be why.”

He tried not to be scared, but if this man could get past security and take his cast off, and find him again, then he could most definitely ruin Chenle’s life if he wanted to. The thought of there being a twin version of him scared him further.

“Is the twin… as bad as him?”

Eunbi shook her head, “His twin is the best doctor we have here, and he’s a married man with kids your age. We work together a lot, I can assure you that he’s nothing like his brother.”

“Do you know how he got fired?” Chenle asked, assuming it was because he did something bad.

“He was caught meddling with a patients’ medication, so they fired him before he could endanger anyone.” She said, “It was a while ago, so I don’t know why he’s back, but I can assure you that security will look into it.”

“Thanks.” Chenle laid down again, feeling a bit at ease. “Is Jisung’s appointment done?”

“Yeah, but he requested to go to Jaemin’s room. Do you want to join them?” She asked.

“No, it’s okay, I might go to sleep.” Chenle responded. He didn’t want to intrude on Jisung and Jaemin, they hardly got time alone and he knew they probably wanted some alone time. He fell asleep after Eunbi left, facing the window. 

—

Jisung sat on Jaemin’s bed, watching the elder stand in front of his mirror, stretching his back. He’d asked Eunbi if he could spend some time with Jaemin before dinner, which she’d granted under the rule that they aren’t late to eat their meals. Jaemin was self stretching to keep his back active when Jisung had walked in.

“What’s the deal with you and Chenle?” Jaemin asked, arms above his head.

“What do you mean?” Jisung replied, eyebrows furrowing together.

“I mean, not to assume anything but you like him, don’t you?” Jaemin sounded like he was stating it rather than asking.

Jisung blushed, feeling caught off guard. He took too long to respond, so Jaemin opened his mouth again, beginning to tease. 

“I knew it!” He squealed, “How long?”

Jisung looked at him, bewildered, “What?”

“How long have you liked him for dumbass?” Jisung giggled afterwards.

He thought about it for a bit, wondering when he actually started liking Chenle romantically. He wasn’t too sure, as everything was just a big blur in his deteriorating brain. Jaemin continued his stretches, humming, and waiting patiently for Jisung’s answer.

“To be honest, I have no idea, but probably after the first time I spent time with him.” Jisung smiled to himself, feeling something in his stomach that he’d never felt before.

“You never really had crushes during trainee days.” Jaemin stated, “Is Chenle your first?”

“Yeah, he is actually.” 

Jaemin smiled at him like a parent would, feeling glad that Jisung had someone to make him smile the way he currently was. Jisung had a rough time during their trainee days, and Jaemin had that memory spoiling his view of the younger, so seeing Jisung happy helped him forget the past.

“He makes you really happy Jisung, I think you should tell him how you feel before it’s too late.” Jaemin said, sitting on the end of his bed.

Jisung looked back at him, “You think?” When he nodded, Jisung shrugged, “Maybe I will then.”

Jaemin smiled at him, pushing himself off the bed to walk to the door. Jisung followed, looking at his phone to check the time. It was dinnertime, so they walked together into the cafeteria, finding Chenle sitting at their table alone. Jaemin frowned, looking around for Yangyang.

“I’m going to find him, you, however, can spend time with Chenle and maybe confess.” Jaemin urged, pushing him forward with a smile. Jisung glared at him before walking away, sitting opposite Chenle.

“Hey,” Chenle smiled, “You’re here.”

Jisung smiled back, “Yeah, I’m here. What’s for dinner tonight?”

Chenle looked around, finding the menu, Jisung watched him point at it, squinting to read the tiny handwriting. The menu board usually always stated what they were having unless the nurses wanted to keep it a secret. Tonight, they were serving miso soup or tofu stew. 

“I want the miso soup.” Chenle said.

“If I get that, and you get tofu, let’s swap?” Jisung asked, as he was still iffy on soup. Chenle nodded, changing the topic to something else casually. Jisung listened to him ramble, smiling to himself when Chenle forgot the world around him, engrossed in his own little universe.

He looked at Chenle the whole time, eyes scanning every section of the boys’ face, considering Jaemin’s words. He knew his life was on a time limit, but being so young, it was hard to accept that he’d lose so much if he didn’t push himself to pursue them while he could. Chenle didn’t notice him staring, until he finished talking and looked at the other. Their eyes met for a moment, and Jisung felt his heart rate speed up, focusing solely on the sparkle in Chenle’s eyes as the latter smiled at him.

Jaemin and Yangyang approached them, interrupting the moment before anything more could happen. Jisung felt a breath release from his lungs, the bubble they’d created popped. Chenle turned away, continuing to talk to the others as if nothing happened. Jisung felt himself deflate until a hand slipped into his, squeezing for reassurance.

The food came around and Jisung found himself releasing his hand from Chenle, a small ache overwhelming him as he did it. Chenle’s hand was warm, and comforting, he wanted to hold on as long as he could.

“I’m getting surgery next week.” Jaemin stated, moving his food around his plate.

“Does that mean you’re leaving soon?” Jisung asked, dismay ridden through his voice.

Jaemin nodded hesitantly, “Once I recover from the surgery, I’m back to the stage.”

Jisung nodded, staring at his food again. He didn’t like the idea of losing Jaemin again, not when he was just getting comfortable in his presence. Chenle took it upon himself to change the topic, asking Yangyang questions to involve him more. 

When they finished eating, Yangyang dismissed himself as his nurse escorted him away for appointments. Jaemin took his phone out, seeing a text from Jeno. Chenle and Jisung looked at each other, before looking at Jaemin, noticing his aura brighten.

“I’ve gotta go,” He said, “Jeno’s calling.”

The others smiled, wishing him off before turning to each other. Chenle smiled, bumping Jisung’s shoulder. The younger took his hand, smiling intimately, a smile Chenle hadn’t seen before. It was a smile reserved for him.

“Garden?” Jisung asked. Chenle nodded, standing up, walking alongside Jisung to the garden where they examined his tomato patch.

The weather was chilly, but not windy, so they could handle it. Chenle curled closer into his clothes, bringing it across his body at one point, but Jisung didn’t notice, too busy making sure his tomatoes had ripened. He took a seat on the bench at the side again, watching Jisung in his element. He wanted to capture the moment as it was, feeling a wave of anguish at the idea of Jisung going into chemotherapy and potentially not beating his tumour.

Jisung sat beside him, hand resting on Chenle’s knee. The silence was comforting, and Chenle realised they didn’t need words to enjoy each others’ company. 

“Life’s boring.” Jisung whispered.

Chenle looked at him, analysing the meaning by searching his face. He looked dejected. Chenle bumped him with his elbow.

“C’mon, not all of it is.” He encouraged.

Jisung sighed, “The chemo makes me so tired Le. I don’t know how much longer I can handle it.”

“What do you mean handle it? It’s going to help Jisung.” He interrupted, growing concerned by Jisung’s face that delved deeper into sadness.

He shrugged, moving his hands into his own lap. Chenle sighed, grabbing his hand and pulling it close to him, trying to comfort the other.

“You need to have a little faith in this Jisung, the chemo hasn’t even started yet.”

“What if it doesn’t work?” Jisung interrupted abruptly, looking at Chenle, “How are you so sure that it’ll cure me?”

Chenle moved closer, “You just need to give it a chance Sung. You never know what will happen, but giving up before you start isn’t going to help anyone.”

Jisung looked away, clenching and unclenching his fist, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth. Chenle squeezed his hand, before standing up, dragging Jisung with him. It’d started to get cold out, and the clouds were starting to cover the sky in darkness. 

“Let’s go inside.” He whispered.

Jisung followed, walking idly behind the elder. He had doubts about chemo, but he wanted it to work, for Chenle. He wanted to be around as long as possible if it meant he could see Chenle everyday. He didn’t know how Chenle would handle him leaving, and he was glad he wouldn’t be around to see it. Maybe he’d see Chenle from wherever he ends up.

The walk to his room was quiet, but Chenle’s reassuring touch eased him, keeping him close and comforting him. They ended up outside his room, his back touching the door as Chenle said his goodbye. His eyes flicked downwards for a moment, before hesitantly looking up and noticing Chenle was watching him intensely.

“I, uh, goodnight Chenle.” He whispered, turning around and opening his door. Chenle sighed, taking a step back before watching the door close in his face. His room was chilly, but his blankets smelt like Jisung from earlier, so he slid underneath and held them close to his defiled body. 

Jisung sat on his bed, looking out the window again at the sky, admiring the moon that pierced past the grayness and lit up the night. He stayed up for a while, not wanting to let himself sleep anytime soon. He was sick of waking up feeling like he was dying, so his solution was to avoid sleeping. At least for tonight. He needed to breathe, and think about what happened in the hall.

He was so close to giving in and kissing Chenle, but he held himself back, not wanting to ruin the friendship with his feelings. He wanted Chenle to take things on his own accord, or at least give him a green light regarding pursuing something. 

—

“Are you coming in tomorrow?” Jaemin spoke into his phone.

“Maybe after practice, but the rest of the boys will want to come too so I don’t think we can get alone time.” Jeno replied.

Jaemin nodded, pulling on the strings hanging from his socks. He was sitting on his bed, legs crossed, listening to his boyfriend talk about how weird it is to train and perform without him. His nurse walked in, placing a glass of water and pill on his bedside table, nodding her head to acknowledge the small thanks he whispered.

“How are the others?” He asked.

“They’re good, they miss you, but not much has changed. Donghyuck still won’t stop fighting with Renjun about _that_ part in the choreo and Mark is always breaking them up, but other than that, everything is going well.” Jeno rambled, “Oh, hold up. Mark wants to talk to you.”

Jaemin listened as the voices got further away, whispering to each other. Mark was telling Jeno to hand the phone over, but Jaemin couldn’t make out what Jeno’s response was so he waited patiently to talk to his friend, feeling excited.

“Hey Jaemin.” Mark said eventually, mumbling under his breath at Jeno to get lost. Jaemin laughed, shaking his head. “How’ve you been?”

“Yeah, good. I’m guessing you’ve heard that I’m getting surgery next week.” He replied.

“Next week? Uh, I didn’t know that. That’s great. So you’ll be coming back soon?”

Jaemin nodded, “Maybe in a month’s time, depends how long it’ll take for my back to recover from the surgery.”

“That’s great Jaemin. We miss you a lot in here, the fans too. We’re going to try coming around tomorrow, but I think Jeno wants to spend alone time with you, so if you want, I can take the other two somewhere else?”

Jaemin smiled, recognising the tone behind Mark’s voice. He didn’t know about them dating but he was their leader, he was good at picking up on stuff that the others couldn’t. Jaemin was grateful for a friend who kept suspicions to himself instead of running his mouth.

“Yeah, that’d be great Mark. Thanks.”

“No problem, stay well! See you later, I’m putting Jeno back on now.” He said, handing the phone back to Jeno who was pouting.

“Hey,” Jeno said, “Sorry about him. He’s a bit hyped from practice.”

“He’s always like that.” Jaemin smiled, “Anyway, I have to sleep soon, so I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow.” Jeno responded, hanging up afterwards.

He put his phone aside, swallowing his pills with water before preparing himself for bed. His back was aching minorly, and he realised he hadn’t given himself a break much today, only sitting down for meals. He was scared of the surgery next week, and wished he could have Jeno there throughout it, but he knew there were important schedules planned nearly all throughout next week so Jeno wouldn’t be able to make it. 

He curled into the covers after climbing into bed, feeling his pain subside after a while. 

—

Jisung headed downstairs for breakfast, accompanied by Jaemin who rushed out of his room when he heard Jisung leaving his. They sat together, noticing neither Yangyang or Chenle were in the cafeteria yet. 

“How’d you sleep?” Jaemin asked.

Jisung shrugged, “Just enough to last today I guess.”

“Don’t they give you sleeping pills?”

Jisung looked away, eyes ridden in secrets. Jaemin realised why after a few moments, knowing Jisung like the back of his hand. He reached forward, softly grabbing Jisung’s hand as a gesture of safety.

“They give you those pills for a reason Jiji, you need to take them.”

“I know,” He whispered, “I do usually. It was just too much last night, I didn’t want to sleep.”

“You know I’m always here if you need to talk about something.” He reassured.

A nurse handed them their breakfast trays, interrupting the conversation. They thanked her briefly, turning back to each other once she walked away.

“I know Jaemin,” Jisung started, “But some things I just need to keep to myself.”

“It’s about Chenle isn’t it?” Jaemin smiled, digging into his food. Jisung’s cheeks rose upwards, a shy expression flooding his face. 

“I honestly don’t know what you mean.” He bluffed.

“C’mon man, don’t go all mushy on me.” Jaemin chuckled, nudging him from under the table, “Seriously, is it about Chenle? Did something bad happen?”

Jisung put his cutlery down, looking at Jaemin, debating whether he should tell him or not.

“We nearly kissed.” He confessed, “And, I don’t know, I didn’t want to deal with the pain I always wake up in, so with those two combined, I decided to not take my sleeping pills.”

“Why’d you guys only nearly kiss? Why didn’t you kiss?” Jaemin asked, concern laced in his voice.

Jisung shrugged, “I got scared so I left. I don’t know Jaems, can we not talk about this right now? He could walk in at any point.”

“I can see if he’s coming or not,” He argued, “Why are you scared?”

Jisung shrugged again, picking his cutlery up and beginning to eat again, leaving the conversation at that. Jaemin looked around, not seeing Chenle or Yangyang anywhere.

“Ok, well there has to be a reason.” Jaemin continued, “Is it because of the past?”

Jisung stopped eating, looking at the elder for a moment, a flicker of annoyance passing through him.

“Jaemin, I get that you’re trying to help, but I don’t want to talk about the past anymore. I’m trying to move past everything.”

Jaemin nodded, understanding that he was pushing a boundary that he shouldn’t have. Jisung offered a brief smile, before going back to eating. 

“The boys are coming over today.” He said, tone lighter than before. “You can see them if you want. Jeno and I are gonna stick in my room while the others explore.”

“Just you and Jeno?” Jisung said, a smirk finding its way to his face.

Jaemin smiled, “Shut up.”

Jisung raised his hands to defend himself, “I didn’t say anything.” He giggled, “Did you guys finally get together?”

Jaemin’s smile grew bigger, “Yeah, we did, but the others don’t know, so don’t say anything.”

“Ah, who would’ve thought you guys would work things out?” Jisung joked, a proud smile covering his face.

Jaemin lightly kicked him from under the table, unable to speak with his mouth full of food. Jisung laughed, before composing himself when Chenle walked in. He watched the elder smile at them before sitting at a different table, avoiding eye contact. Jaemin sent a pointed look at Jisung.

“Go talk to him.” He said before Jisung could open his mouth.

Jisung got up after sighing, taking his tray over to the table Chenle occupied, sliding in opposite the boy who looked tired and upset. He sat there quietly for a while, letting Chenle register his presence first.

“Hey,” Jisung whispered, “You okay?”

“Yeah.” He replied, looking down, “Just wanted to sit alone today.”

“Oh.” Jisung mumbled, gripping the edges of his tray, “Well, I’ll just see you around later I guess.”

He got up before Chenle could disagree, scurrying back to Jaemin’s table. Chenle decided it was best to let him go, space is what he needed after last night. He looked up, spotting Chaemin walking towards him with a smile and tray of food. She placed it in front of him, before taking a seat.

“Hey Chenle,” She said, “How’ve you been?”

“Good.” He shrugged, “Nothing has really changed lately.”

“Keeping up with your meds and exercises?” She asked.

He nodded, continuing to talk to her as he ate. He watched Yangyang walk in, sitting beside Jaemin, and joining their conversation. He couldn’t see Jisung’s face, only his back, but he could tell from his drooped posture that he wasn’t in the best mood. Chenle blamed himself for that, but didn’t do anything to reverse Jisung’s mood. 

After Chaemin left, he pushed his tray aside and walked back to his room. As he walked towards the elevator, Jaemin caught up to him and took the elevator with him.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, “You completely blew Jisung off there.”

“Nothing’s wrong.” He responded dejectedly.

Jaemin sighed, “What’s up with kids denying something is wrong when something clearly is?”

Chenle let out a laugh at his words, “It’s complicated Jaemin.”

“Doesn’t mean you can’t explain it. C’mon, tell me, please? You’ll feel better if you let it out, I promise.”

Chenle stepped off the elevator, looking at Jaemin for the first time today. He looked worried, so Chenle let go of his own worries and came clean, explaining to Jaemin why he acted the way he did. Jaemin listened intently, making Chenle feel comfortable enough to continue as they walked together to his room.

Jaemin took a seat on the empty chair beside Chenle’s bed, while Chenle sat on the edge of his bed, releasing a small sigh. 

“You can’t tell him anything, okay?” Chenle said.

Jaemin looked at him bewildered for a moment, registering what Chenle said. 

“I won’t.” He replied, “It’s up to you to tell him this anyway.” Jaemin smiled, standing up and informing Chenle that he was going to head off.

“Can you stay a little longer?” Chenle asked, eyes full of hope, “If you can, that is.”

Jaemin sunk back into the chair, “I can stay, but not too long. Jeno is coming over after lunch.”

Chenle smirked, adjusting his position on the bed. Jaemin flicked him off, changing the topic before Chenle could tease him about his boyfriend. A small light flickered in Jaemin’s heart at the thought of being teased about a love he’s kept hidden for so long. It felt freeing.

“You know besides your relations with Jisung, I don’t actually know much about you.” Jaemin stated, “Tell me about your life before hospitals.”

“Well,” Chenle leaned onto his pillow, kicking his feet onto the bed, “I used to go to a really prestigious school, would probably have gotten into uni somewhere in China too, but all that’s out the door now. Besides that, I didn’t really have a life outside of school, it was too time consuming.”

“Oh, okay, well I’m sure you know that Jisung and I went to the same school.” Jaemin said, leaving out the details of his trainee days. 

Chenle nodded, motioning for him to continue. He continued telling Chenle about what Jisung was like in high school, analysing his reactions to better understand the youngers’ feelings for Jisung.

“You said that you and Jisung used to train together. What was that about?” Chenle asked.

“Oh, that? Don’t worry, that was nothing.” Jaemin bluffed. Chenle looked at him, sending a knowing look. “Ok, fine. I’m not supposed to tell you, but Jisung and I trained together and he was going to debut in Dream.”

Chenle pondered on the information for a moment, thinking about all the times Jisung showed him Jaemin’s group, overflowing with excitement and affection for the group. He was confused as to why Jisung would show so much love for a group of people he was supposed to be apart of, because in Chenle’s head, he knew he’d avoid the group if he failed to be apart of it.

“What happened?”

“Well his tumour, of course.” Jaemin blanked.

“Oh.” Chenle responded with a low chuckle.

Jaemin looked around the room, rubbing along his thighs. Chenle waited for him to say something, noticing the boy searching for something to say.

“What about your parents?” He asked, “Do they visit often?”

“Yeah, they were just here yesterday actually, but things didn’t go too well.” Chenle responded, “My dad kind of hates Jisung.”

“Oh, why?” Jaemin asked, eyebrows knitted together.

Chenle sighed, wondering if he should explain.

“I’ll only tell you if you tell me about what happened with Jisung.” Chenle said, a lightbulb going off in his head.

Jaemin’s mouth dropped, “Chenle! That’s pure blackmail.”

Chenle shrugged, a chuckle falling from his lips. Jaemin sat back in his seat, sighing at the others’ reaction. As Chenle went to speak, the door opened and Eunbi walked in.

“Hi guys, uh, Jaemin, your nurse is looking for you.” She said, “Also you need to take your pills Chenle, here.” 

She handed him the pills, followed by a glass of water. Jaemin said his farewell, slipping out of the room after hearing Chenle say goodbye. He found his nurse outside his room, informing him that his friends had arrived. 

He walked into his room, finding Jeno standing at the end of his bed, a shy smile covering his face. The nurse closed the door, walking away to let them be alone. Jaemin took that as his chance to jump into his boyfriends’ arms and connect their lips.

“Babe,” Jeno giggled after the kiss, “What if people saw that through the window?”

“Don’t care.” Jaemin answered dreamily, a lazy smile on his lips. He sat on his bed, which was situated away from the tiny window on the door, Jeno sat next to him and leaned in again, giggling when Jaemin laid down and pulled him down with him. 

When they broke apart, he rested his chin on Jaemin’s chest, holding onto his waist to support his back as best as possible.

“How’ve you been?” Jeno asked.

“Yeah, fine I guess.” He replied, “My surgery is next Tuesday. Kinda nervous about that.”

Jeno gripped his hand, squeezing it reassuringly, “You’ll be fine.” He said before pressing a kiss to Jaemin’s palm.

Jaemin let out a small hum, sitting up so Jeno slipped off him. He sat on the edge of the bed, looking a bit dejected before Jeno crawled towards him, turning his chin with the hook of his finger, making Jaemin look at him.

“What’s wrong babe?”

“I kinda want you to be there.” He whispered, staring into Jeno’s eyes, “But I know you’re busy so it’s okay if you can’t make it.”

Jeno smiled softly, letting go of Jaemin’s chin, much to the youngers’ dismay. The atmosphere shifted when Jeno got off the bed, and stood in front of Jaemin, getting the younger to lift his eyes upwards.

“I may not be able to make it next week, but as soon as you recover and get back to the dorms, you’re going to get sick of me from how much I won’t leave you alone.”

Jaemin smiled, a small giggle erupting automatically, linking his fingers with Jeno’s. They stood in silence for a bit, basking in each others’ presence. Jaemin was grateful for his boyfriend, despite still feeling scared about the surgery. There wasn’t much to be scared about other than this being his first surgery ever, and it being such a serious one, he was afraid something was going to go wrong. 

“Is there something else bothering you?” Jeno asked, sitting beside him again. His hand rested on Jaemin’s thigh, comforting him quietly.

“I’m scared,” Jaemin whispered, feeling a bit childish.

“Of what?”

“The surgery.” He huffed, “I’ve never had surgery before and this is really serious Jeno, what if it fails and I can’t perform ever again?”

Jeno’s grip tightened a bit on Jaemin’s thigh, making him pause to focus on his boyfriends’ warm touch. Jeno brushed his hair off his forehead, a sweet gesture that made Jaemin lean closer.

“It’s all going to go smooth Nana,” He mumbled, “The doctors here are some of the best in the country, and they’ve probably done this surgery a hundred times before.”

Jaemin leaned his head on Jeno’s shoulder, sighing into the abyss. Jeno was right, but Jaemin was still scared. He just wanted someone there for him so he wouldn’t have to go into it alone. His mother wasn’t picking up his calls, so he stopped trying weeks ago and he hasn’t heard anything from her since. So much for being a mother.

“Where are the others?” Jaemin asked after a few minutes.

“Mark took them somewhere, do you want to go find them?”

Jaemin nodded, squeezing Jeno’s hand before walking to the door and leaving the room. Jeno followed behind him, letting himself be dragged around the unfamiliar corridors in search of their friends.

“Why don’t we just call one of them?” He suggested. Jaemin shook his head, insisting they were probably in the guest lounge or something.

They entered the guest lounge, and true to his word, they were in there, but they weren’t alone. Chenle and Jisung sat with them, too mesmerised by the game in front of them to notice the others’ arrival. Jeno took a seat next to Mark, letting Jaemin find his own seat. The only available seat was next to Renjun, so Jaemin took it, and greeted his friend.

“How’ve you been injured boy?” Renjun asked, patting him gently on the back with a sly smirk.

Jaemin pouted, pushing his friend before laughing along with his joke. They explained the game to him and caught him up with what’s happening at the dorms and with promotions. Jisung turned to them halfway through his game, wanting to join the conversation.

“Are you guys releasing songs without Jaemin?” He asked.

Donghyuck looked at Mark, before getting permission to tell Jisung the plan.

“Jaemin’s parts are pre recorded. He’ll be on the songs, just not in the music video or performances.”

Jisung nodded, “Oh, ok.”

They watched him turn back to his game, elbowing Chenle who had continued without him. The game wasn’t complex, just an old board game the hospital kept on the shelf in the lounge in case people have children with them. It was like snakes and ladders, but a knock off version that Jisung found himself liking over the original version. Before the others had arrived, he’d found it and started playing, and Chenle had walked in, sitting down silently to join him. They didn’t mention the events from earlier, playing the board game to their hearts’ content until Mark, Donghyuck and Renjun had walked in. 

Donghyuck sent Jaemin a questioning look, maintaining eye contact when Jaemin looked back at him. Jaemin strung his eyebrows together, not knowing what Donghyuck was trying to silently ask from across the room. The slightly older boy shook his head, focusing on helping Mark win the game instead. Jaemin turned away, starting a conversation with his best friend. 

Jisung analysed Chenle’s movements, trying to figure out how to win the game or at least beat Chenle. He enjoyed the competitiveness that surrounded him when it came to Chenle, because he knew that even if he won, Chenle would still celebrate.

“I think we won.” Donghyuck announced, showing the others their place on the board. Mark cheered, gripping Donghyuck’s hand but the younger pulled his hand immediately.

Jisung groaned, leaning into the couch to signal his surrender. Chenle huffed, setting the game up for another round until the others said they didn’t want to play again. They’d already played three rounds, and Donghyuck won every time. They packed the game up, joining the conversation Renjun and Jaemin had going. Jeno was on his phone, scrolling mindlessly through his apps until Mark elbowed him to make him pay attention to the others.

“When’s your first performance?” Jisung asked.

“Hasn’t Jaemin told you?” Donghyuck butted in before anyone could answer. Jisung shook his head, looking at Jaemin expectantly. The elder turned away from his gaze, telling Donghyuck to shut up. 

“I was just asking,” He defended, “It’d make sense if you told him anyway.”

Mark nudged the younger, mumbling to stop. Donghyuck shrugged his shoulders, leaning against the couch again. Jisung looked around, noticing the tension before getting up and excusing himself.

“What the hell was that about?” Chenle asked, an intense look covering his face.

“I think we need to cool down a bit.” Renjun suggested.

“I’m going to find Jisung.” Chenle announced, standing up and leaving, taking the same path he watched Jisung take.

“What the fuck Donghyuck?” Jaemin spat as soon as Chenle was out of ears’ shot.

Donghyuck shrugged, “Not my fault.”

The other three looked at each other, silently debating with their eyes on what to do. The tension was heavier than ever, and Jaemin was staring right into Donghyuck’s eyes with a mean look, it almost made Jeno want to drag him out of the room. 

“Why were you making things so awkward? Jisung was just asking a question.”

“And so was I,” Donghyuck yelled, “Why haven’t you been telling him about us?”

“Why do I need to? He’s happy without you guys!” Jaemin argued, failing to think his words over before speaking aloud. 

Donghyuck stared at him with his mouth ajar, shock clouding his eyes. The others looked at each other again, eyes widened. Jaemin sighed, realising he crossed a line.

“I’m sorry that’s not what I meant to say.” He started.

Donghyuck looked away, walking out without saying anything. Jaemin sighed again, face stricken in concern. Renjun stood up, announcing that he’d handle Donghyuck.

“I have an appointment,” Jaemin said before the others could talk to him, “Thanks for stopping by, I’ll see you guys another day.”

Jaemin walked out with despair dripping in his step. Jeno felt dejected that he left without saying anything to him one-on-one but knew he was too frazzled in that moment. Mark grabbed Jeno’s hand, before dragging him away to find the others.

“Let’s just go back to the dorms.” He said, “Jaemin needs some space.”

Jeno nodded, “Why do you think he said that about Jisung?”

Mark sighed, eyes feigning more than he let off, “I don’t know Jeno.”

There was so much to unravel in that sentence, and neither felt like making assumptions. Mark put it down to Jaemin being stressed about his upcoming surgery, and forgot about it to focus on finding his bandmates to get them back to the dorms safely. 

—

“Jisung!” Chenle shouted, running towards the younger. Jisung turned around, slowing his step for Chenle to catch up. “What just happened? Are you okay?”

He shrugged in response, continuing to walk to his room. Chenle followed silently, allowing himself to catch his breath. Running wasn’t something he should’ve been doing, and he’d feel the effects later, but right now he didn’t care. He just wanted to make sure Jisung was okay.

“I don’t know what happened back there, but I couldn’t face seeing them fight again.” He said, leaving Chenle confused.

“I don’t know what that means, but you don’t need to explain. Let’s just sit in your room for a bit?” 

Jisung nodded, opening his door and striding to his bed. Chenle closed the door, sitting on the opposite end of Jisung’s bed, watching the younger carefully. Jisung fiddled with his fingers, staring at the blankets before meeting Chenle’s eye. 

“Were you okay earlier?” Jisung asked, feeling dumb that he hadn’t checked on Chenle yet.

“I just needed some alone time,” Chenle repeated, “Nothing was particularly wrong.”

“Are you sure?” Jisung felt that Chenle was upset because of last nights’ events. Chenle nodded, awkwardly avoiding eye contact. “Look, I didn’t mean to make things so awkward last night at the door.”

“Oh,” Chenle realised the meaning behind Jisung’s question, “It’s fine. I made things awkward too, you were just trying to go into your room and I got too close.”

Jisung smiled, “I liked it.”

“You did?”

He nodded, blushing again. Chenle smiled, registering the information.

“Maybe I’ll do it again then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed <3 
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/aurensle?s=21) [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/aurensle)


	8. kissed truths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello sorry for taking so long on this :( it’s 1k shorter than usual but that’s simply bc the ending was so good i didn’t want to add more
> 
> TWs:  
> this chapter has a lot of mentions around /abuse/ and sometimes goes into details about it. please please be careful if abuse, even the slightest mention of it, triggers you, and please feel free to click away if it triggers you. 
> 
> with that please also be mindful that death is discussed too, and that’s a tw that’s been here since the start!
> 
> enjoy ^_^

Jaemin laid in bed, staring at the wall. His surgery was today, and nervous was too weak of a word to describe how he felt right now. The past week since his small fight with his members had taken a toll on him, luckily they resolved it across the weekend after Mark scheduled another visit. 

Donghyuck had apologised for pushing boundaries with his questions, and Jaemin had apologised for snapping at him the way he did before enveloping each other in a hug. 

Nevertheless, it didn’t help his nerves going into this.

Jaemin had been in and out of appointments with the doctors, since then, to prepare him for surgery. They claimed they had to run test upon test each day to make sure his condition hadn’t declined— because if it did, they’d have to call off the surgery and focus on strengthening his back again. 

He was beyond glad that it hadn’t gotten worse across the week, and he’d tried his best to just stay in his room to allow himself rest before the day he’d been dreading.

“Hey Jaem,” The door opened and Jisung stepped in, “How’re you feeling?”

“Nervous.” The elder responded.

Jisung sat beside him on the bed, looking down before meeting Jaemin’s eye. The elder waited for Jisung to speak, raising his eyebrow when the boy remained quiet.

“Is everything okay with you?” Jaemin asked, nudging Jisung softly.

“I want to tell Chenle about the past.” He said, watching Jaemin’s eyes widen.

The statement alone made him feel the room turn cold. It was obviously not something Jaemin was expecting to hear on a morning like this. Additionally, Jisung had been closed off and resistant about talking about the past with _Jaemin_ , the one who was there through it all. He wanted to understand why there was a sudden urge to tell Chenle.

“Why?” 

“Because I want him to know.” Jisung said, “I think if I’m going to get closer with him, that he should know about my past. He doesn’t need to know everything, but at least the basics. I can build up on telling him other stuff later.”

“But you haven’t even discussed any of it with me yet.”

“Why would I need to discuss it with you?” Jisung asked genuinely. Jaemin wanted to feel upset but Jisung’s tone was too innocent to make him feel any anger.

“Maybe because I was there through it all, and instead of talking to me about your feelings, you left without much notice.” Jaemin said, seriousness in his voice, “Do you even know how hard it was for us to walk into the studio and be told you weren’t going to be with us anymore?”

Jisung looked away, feeling himself tense up as Jaemin continued. He wanted Jaemin to stop, but knew he needed to let Jaemin voice his thoughts after years of holding it back.

“We were basically brothers Jisung, we had plans to debut together and become famous together.” Jaemin said, “I know you can’t control that you got a tumour and had to leave, but you could control our friendship and you chose to throw it out the window.”

“I came back, didn’t I?” He looked up, sadness in his eyes.

Jaemin sighed, sitting on the bed again. He didn’t have a response to Jisung’s question so he kept his mouth shut.

Jisung watched as the elder looked out the window, focusing on anything but Jisung.

The door swung open before Jisung could urge Jaemin to talk again, making the younger deflate into the bed, watching Jaemin’s nurse escort him from the room for his surgery. Jisung pushed himself out of the room to follow Jaemin before he disappeared for the rest of the day.

“Wait,” Jisung ran, halting when Jaemin turned around and raised his eyebrow at him as if to make him hurry it up, “Good luck with the surgery. It’ll go great, I’ll see you afterwards?”

Jaemin nodded, pulling Jisung into a hug.

“Tell Chenle everything you can Jiji.” Jaemin whispered, walking off after he pulled away from Jisung’s warm arms.

Jisung watched his friend walk off, talking to his nurse casually, before turning around and walking to his room with a small smile lingering on his lips. He opened his door and flopped on his bed before grabbing his phone, dialling Chenle’s number immediately.

“Hey Jisung,” Chenle answered, “What’s up?”

“Wanna come to my room?” He asked, “Or can I come to yours?”

“Eunbi wants me to stay in my room today, something about security not wanting me to leave my room, but you can come over. I’ll just let the guard know who you are.” 

“Oh, okay, well I’ll be right over then. I just got back from seeing Jaemin off. Anyway I’ll see you soon.”

“Sounds great.” Chenle replied, hanging up after they said goodbye.

Jisung smiled at nothing before throwing his shoes on haphazardly and staring at the pills he should’ve taken last night. Eunbi would probably find them again if he didn’t hide them, and he certainly wasn’t going to consume sleeping pills right before lunch, so without thinking, they were shoved into his jacket pocket before he started the walk to Chenle’s room. 

There was a guard outside Chenle’s door, standing upright with his hands clasped together in front of himself. He looked scary, Jisung felt like turning around and leaving but pushed on as he saw Chenle open the door and pop his head out.

“Jisung!” He yelled, alarming the security guard who turned around to question Chenle about the latter, “He’s my friend, don’t worry. You can even call Eunbi, she’s his nurse too.”

The guard stepped aside, allowing Jisung to enter the room before Chenle closed it again, leaving the guard outside to monitor.

“How come the guard isn’t inside with you?” Jisung asked, taking a seat on the edge of Chenle’s bed.

“Apparently it’s more efficient for him to stand guard outside,” Chenle said, sitting on the bed beside Jisung, “I think it’s so he can watch who tries to approach my room, and if that ex doctor tries to, he’ll be caught.”

Jisung nodded, “Are you okay though? This situation sounds scary.” He’d gotten most of the information about the situation from Eunbi, not wanting to bring it up with Chenle because of how dangerous it sounded. He was well aware that there was danger, but he didn’t want to say the wrong thing around Chenle and potentially scare him.

“It’s fine. I’m not scared,” Chenle said, “There isn’t much he can do to me, especially with the security. I was scared, but not anymore. I trust the people here to take care of me.”

“I’ll sue them if they don’t take care of you.” Jisung mumbled under his breath, eliciting a laugh from Chenle.

The room fell silent after the laughter died down, and Jisung found himself admiring Chenle’s face again. The small details of the elder’s face fascinated him. His brain took imaginary snapshots of every section of Chenle’s face, tucking them away for Jisung to remember forever.

Chenle turned to meet Jisung’s eye, inhaling a sharp breath as he registered their proximity and that Jisung had been staring at him. He leaned in further, letting himself take Jisung’s face between his hands before their lips met. 

Jisung’s lips were soft, and he kissed slowly, holding gently onto Chenle’s shirt close to his hip as leverage to keep him close. Chenle felt himself smile into the kiss, leaning away to catch his breath after a few moments.

“That was unexpected.” Jisung mumbled. Chenle smiled, watching Jisung look away with an astonished smirk. It only made Chenle’s heart swell with more love.

He wanted to kiss Jisung again, hold him softly between his fingertips and keep him close for eternity. He just hoped Jisung felt the same.

“Was that okay?” He asked, placing a hand on top of Jisung’s. His heart swelled again when Jisung intertwined their fingers and squeezed his hand.

“That was way more than okay,” He said, “I want to do it again.”

“Well, go ahead.” Chenle mumbled, using the hand that wasn’t holding Jisung’s to cup his face again. He smiled when Jisung closed the gap, letting their lips communicate.

—

Jisung was informed that he couldn’t see Jaemin until a few days after the surgery, as it’d take Jaemin some time to come back to his senses, plus it was too strenuous on his health to be in the company of others who weren’t his doctors. Jisung felt dejected that he wouldn’t be able to see Jaemin, but took that as an opportunity to gather what he’d tell Chenle and what he’d keep to himself about his past.

These past days, the two had been cooped up in each others’ presence, doing what they could to not be without the other. It was nice, but Jisung knew constantly being in each others’ space wasn’t good in the long run. He opted for some alone time Sunday morning, telling Chenle he wanted to sleep in.

Eunbi walked in moments later as he sat in bed, holding his phone in his hand but not using it.

“Are you alright Jisung?” She asked, setting down her tray that held his medication.

He looked up for a moment, registering her presence, “Yeah. Tired.”

She nodded before handing him his medication, telling him to take it generously.

After she left, he felt loneliness overwhelm him again. 

The flashbacks to his past played through his head, forcing him to remember the pain he experienced during his training times. 

He loved dancing, but the experiences of those practice rooms weren’t ideal. He was either yelled at or forced to do something against his own will, and there was nothing his teammates could do about it. He was surprised it didn’t cause them to act awkward around him in recent events— after all, the yelling was probably their main memory of him.

The time ticked on but his thoughts remained on all the things that’d happened to him in that building. He remembered never telling his mother about the reason for his bruises, and lied to his father that he was happy where he was. 

It wasn’t his fault that he didn’t know any better. He was simply trying to get through his training, so he could debut and let all the abuse be worth it, but life had other plans for Jisung. Never in a hundred years did he expect himself to end up in hospital, closer to death with each passing day. 

The only thing he could thank his tumour for is having the opportunity to meet Chenle. 

He sat in his thoughts for hours on end, finally pushing himself to take a shower and seek Chenle. He knew taking more time away from the elder would be a good idea, but he couldn’t bring himself to. He laughed at himself for already missing the others’ presence.

“Hey Chenle,” He said, standing outside Chenle’s room.

Chenle smiled, “Sleep well?” He opened the door further, letting Jisung walk in behind him. 

He nodded, sitting on the chair next to Chenle’s bed. He started to grow nervous as he realised why he was here, the nervousness was stronger than any nervousness caused by his romantic feelings for Chenle.

“I wanted to talk to you about something.” Jisung announced.

Chenle nodded, allowing him to continue. Jisung took a second to gather his thoughts, avoiding looking at Chenle as he began to speak.

“I was going to debut in Dream, I’m sure that’s obvious already, and I trained with the boys since the start.” Jisung started, eyes on the floor, “I had a hard time at that company, and overall the experience wasn’t great. It was really _tough_ there, and I’m honestly glad I’m no longer there, but I also wish I could’ve debuted and gotten away from it.”

The air was pretty still as Chenle’s eyes bored into Jisung. He refused to make eye contact with the elder, knowing he wouldn’t be able to speak or hold back tears if he did. Staring at the floor was enough for him to continue speaking about his traumatic past.

“They weren’t very nice to me,” Jisung said, “Not the boys, they were good to me, but the instructors and staff, they hated me. It was horrible, and I tried to endure it so I could just debut and be above them, but then my tumour happened.”

Chenle took Jisung’s hands in his, silently comforting the younger. He didn’t want to speak in case Jisung wasn’t finished, and he was also quite honestly at a loss for words. He’d never experienced abuse or known someone who had, so this was new to Chenle, and he was unsure on what was right to say.

Jisung noticed that Chenle wanted him to continue, so he searched hard for more information to offer.

“They tried to defend me,” He said, “The boys, I mean, they tried but it never worked. I made them stop after a while because they’d just receive the same treatment I did, and I didn’t want that.”

“Why did they do it to _you_?” Chenle blurted, feeling disgusted that people would be anything but kind to Jisung.

He shrugged in response, “I don’t know Chenle. I ask myself why everyday.”

Chenle’s eyes were filled with gloom, but his hands remained tight around Jisung’s. If anything, he was going to make sure Jisung didn’t feel the pain he used to. Chenle needed to make sure of that while he still could. 

“I’m sorry that ever happened to you, I would say I’m glad you’re out of there but I’m sure being in a hospital rotting away isn’t the best alternative.” He said, trying to make Jisung feel better. He felt accomplished when Jisung laughed, squeezing Chenle’s hand in the process.

“If it weren’t for my tumour, I wouldn’t have met you.” Jisung mumbled after he stopped laughing, “I think that’s the best alternative.”

Chenle’s heart melted, he couldn’t stop himself from leaning forward and letting their lips connect again. Jisung kissed back slowly, eventually failing to hold back his smile, causing Chenle to smile too.

He’d never felt so relaxed with someone before, and he felt himself relax further when Chenle’s empty hand took his empty hand. Their kiss disconnected, but the touch of their hands and soft gaze kept them connected.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Chenle said, “I don’t know how I’d handle anything bad happening to you.”

“Let’s not think about that for now.” Jisung mumbled, “Let’s focus on the happy moments while we can.”

Chenle smiled at him, and Jisung smiled back, feeling a tug in his heart. He wanted to protect Jisung for as long as he could from anything that could harm him, and he wanted to always be with Jisung. Through the good and bad, he wanted to be there.

They stayed in each others’ company for hours on end, switching from holding hands in chairs to laying beside each other in Chenle’s bed. They held a soft gaze like they always did, feeling familiarity with each others’ proximity. 

Jisung found himself falling asleep eventually, and Chenle took the time to admire him. There was something about Jisung’s features when he was asleep that made Chenle want to capture a photo and frame it in his mind. 

Chenle let himself doze off moments later, keeping his arm around Jisung’s waist.

Jisung woke up first, noticing Chenle snoring softly with his mouth agape. He looked adorable, Jisung took his phone out and snapped a photo before he climbed out of bed. 

The room was cold, so Jisung shrugged a jacket on, and turned around to find Chenle sitting up.

“Are you leaving?” Chenle mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

Jisung sat on the bed again, “Nope, just cold.” His fingers hooked under Chenle’s chin and planted a soft kiss on the elders’ lips.

They basked in each other for a second longer, moving off the bed once their moment was over. Chenle flattened his clothes and ruffled his hair, finding his phone to check the time. It was well past lunch time, but he didn’t mind, he needed that nap and knew Jisung needed it too.

“Want to grab lunch?” Jisung asked.

“It’s past lunchtime Ji,” Chenle responded, “Will they still have servings out?”

Jisung shrugged, “Most likely.”

“Then let’s go.” He held his hand out for Jisung to take.  
  


—

Jisung stared at his mothers’ contact on his phone, fighting with himself to begin a call or not. It’d been months now since he’d heard from her, and he just wanted to know if she was alright. He didn’t care if she didn’t care for him anymore, he just wanted the reassurance that his mother was okay.

His finger hovered over the call button until he finally forced himself to hit it. It rang for a few moments before someone finally picked up.

“Hello?” The voice was rough, and certainly not Jisung’s mother.

“Uh, is Ms. Park there?” He asked.

“No, she’s in the shower at the moment.” The voice responded. 

Jisung felt sick, this man was probably another one night stand his mother had last night. He forced himself to think of something other than his mothers’ sex life, smiling when Chenle crossed his mind.

“Who are you?” The man spoke up again.

“I’m her son.” Jisung responded, hanging up seconds after. He threw the phone aside, sighing and rubbing his face. Ever since his father passed away, his mother had been a mess. 

She had lost her husband not so long ago, and without looking back, she carelessly threw her son out of her life too. Nevertheless, Jisung _wanted_ to support her, even though she left him no room to do so and living away from home ultimately left him no chance to provide any support. 

If he’d become an idol, he would’ve been able to support his mother easily.

His dream to become an idol was wasted to this hospital and his tumour, and he just wished it had stayed away, or at the very least given him the chance to provide for his mother.

The door opened, and he was forced to forget about his mother in favour of being escorted to another doctors’ appointment. He sat in the room, watching the doctor’s movement and doing his best to register everything the doctor said. His brain automatically tried to filter out the boring voice, so he tried his hardest to fight it and just listen for a goddamn second.

“This is to be taken at night alongside your sleeping pills,” She said, “It’ll help with certain parts of your brain that are starting to decompose. Not to say it’ll stop them from decomposing, but it’ll strengthen them, which is what you want going into chemo.”

She turned away to type into her computer after showing him the pills, letting him hold it before taking it back again. He tried to remember the name, but it was far too long for him to remember anything past the first three letters.

“How are you feeling about doing chemotherapy?” She asked, releasing a sigh.

He nodded, “I don’t like the idea of it, but Chenle told me to give it a go. I’m going to try for him.”

He felt his cheeks flare up when she smiled knowingly at him, turning back to her computer with the smile remaining across her face.

“To prepare you for chemo, you’ll need these pills in conjunction with a certain meal plan. I’ve already sent the details to the hospital’s dietitian, and they’ll have a new meal plan for the hospital to abide by for you over the course of the next few months. Chemo takes a lengthy amount of time, so this could even take years.”

When the appointment was over, he found himself reciting all the details to Eunbi, wanting her to know what he remembered so she can help him remember it in the next few days. A subscript of everything that the doctor discussed with him followed the stack of pills he had to take, being shoved into the drawer beside his bed. 

Eunbi shuffled around his room for a while longer, telling him he needs to stop throwing random items on the floor.

“Can I go to Chenle’s room?” He asked, ignoring her complaints that felt too motherly for him to like.

“Chenle’s not in his room right now,” She responded, “However, tomorrow you can visit Jaemin.”

Jisung turned around, a shocked smile taking over his face, “Really?”

She nodded, replicating his smile, “His surgery was successful. Now he just needs four weeks to recover before he can leave.”

“Four weeks.” Jisung repeated, noting that four weeks was not a lengthy amount of time to spend with his friend. He didn’t want to see Jaemin off so soon, but at least he’d be able to stay in contact with him after this. That thought was enough to not make him too stressed about the limited time Jaemin still has here.

“Chenle is visiting his doctor to analyse how his bones are handling the cancer, but when he’s finished I’ll send him to your room.” Eunbi said, “But that’s only if he isn’t required to rest in his room.”

Jisung nodded, “Thank you Eunbi.” They smiled at each other before she left the room.

He resided in his bed, turning the TV on to enjoy himself. Thoughts rushed to his head, taunting him with the idea that his thoughts are limited to unwanted ones thanks to his tumour ridding him from anything else.

When thinking about his mother and late father became too much, he let Chenle take over his thoughts. He thought about how Chenle held his waist delicately when they slept side by side, and how when he’d woken up, Chenle’s eyelashes had laid perfectly on his cheekbones, his mouth had been parted in a particular shape that made Jisung’s heart melt and his hair had been ruffled as if Chenle had ran his hands through it himself while he slept. 

Everything about Chenle was an anomaly to Jisung, in a good way of course, and he wanted to live as long as possible to discover more and more about the elder. He was excited by Chenle, but also grounded by his presence. Chenle made him feel safe, and that was enough for Jisung to feel like he could start to move on from those horrid nights in the practice room.

He forced himself to stay focused on Chenle, pushing his dreadful past to the back of his mind.

He thought about the time he was banned from seeing the elder, and realised how far they’d come since that incident. He wondered what would’ve happened if they hadn’t fought to see each other. Jisung let himself dwell on that for a while longer in the comfort of knowing Chenle wasn’t going anywhere.

When he’d been lying in bed for so long that his TV turned itself off, the door opened and Chenle walked in.

“Eunbi sent me,” He said, “She said you wanted to see me.”

“Of course I wanted to see you,” Jisung said, sitting up in his bed so Chenle had space to climb in, “How was the appointment?”

“Yeah, it was fine,” Chenle shrugged, “The doctor just checked all of my bones through scans and said the results will come in a few days. She also said from what she can see already, my bones are doing fine, and the one I fractured has healed nicely.”

Jisung linked their fingers, smiling at the pleasant news.

“I start chemo soon,” He said nervously.

“Oh, yeah, when do you start?” Chenle asked, tightening his grip enough to make Jisung blush.

“In a few weeks I think,” He replied, looking at their linked hands. There was something about his hand in Chenle’s that made his heart feel at rest, “They have to prepare me for it first apparently. Got new meds and meal plan.”

Chenle nodded, unsure on where to direct the conversation next so he let them sit in silence for a bit. Their hands were doing all the talking now, rubbing up and down each others’ wrists. Jisung felt a sensation unlike anything he’s felt before when Chenle’s thumb grazed along the space between his thumb and wrist.

He was close enough to lean on Chenle’s chest, sighing when Chenle released a hand to wrap it around his body and hold Jisung close to him. There was something so preciously intimate about hiding his face in Chenle’s neck while being protected by Chenle’s arms. He wanted to stay in that position forever.

“I love this,” Jisung mumbled, “Being with you. It’s so comfortable, like I’ve been waiting my whole life for this.”

Chenle let a small giggle go, pressing a soft kiss on Jisung’s hair, “I love this too.”

They stayed like that for a while longer, not wanting to leave the warmth of the other. Jisung’s heart was beating at a steady pace, but when Chenle broke their position to kiss him again, his heart rate sped up immensely.

Kissing Chenle was immaculate, he wondered if he’d ever experience something better than this, and realised that his feelings for the elder were becoming more than a simple crush. 

“What happened with that doctor who threatened you?” Jisung asked when they pulled away.

Chenle’s expression changed, realising that problem was still unresolved. Jisung squeezed his hand as he waited for a response, silently telling Chenle to take his time. That’s another thing Jisung loved about their relationship; they waited, paced each other, always so patient.

“I honestly don’t know,” Chenle sighed, “I guess security have done a good job at keeping him out because I haven’t seen him or heard any worrying news from Eunbi. Maybe I should ask later.”

“Did you ever learn the name of the man?” Jisung asked out of curiosity.

“Park Hyunwoo.” Chenle said, looking at Jisung for any reaction.

The name rang a bell in Jisung’s head, but he couldn’t quite place how he recognised the name. Ever since his tumour had begun damaging his brain, he’d been bad at remembering people if he didn’t see them on a day to day basis; Eunbi once said that’d happened a lot in previous tumour patients.

He shrugged it off, deciding he can try to remember who Hyunwoo was another day. Today, he wanted to focus on Chenle and be happy about seeing Jaemin tomorrow.

“I have no idea who that is,” He bluffed, “Anyway, we can see Jaemin tomorrow. He’s finally in a good enough condition for visitors, I’m assuming the other boys will show up too.”

“Do you always call them that?” Chenle asked, with an endearing expression.

“Call them what?” Jisung responded.

“You call the Dream members ‘the boys’, as if they’re your close friends,” Chenle said with a small smile, “I suppose you guys were really close.”

Jisung nodded, “They stood up for me.”

Chenle’s heart clenched at the meaning behind the statement.  
  


—

Jisung got prepared early in the morning so he could make his way to Chenle’s room quickly and beg him to join him in seeing Jaemin. He’d been jittering from the nerves since last night, and after rushing around his room to prepare himself, he made his way to Chenle’s room. 

The door was monitored by the same security guard as last time, so Jisung was let in quickly. 

The room was cold when he stepped inside, but Chenle was at least awake and out of bed.

“We can see Jaemin today,” Jisung smiled, walking deeper into the room.

Chenle smiled back, moving around the room to get a jacket, inviting Jisung to sit down. 

As Chenle finished getting ready, Jisung admired the room’s interior details. His mind floated to what he’d say to Jaemin as he stared at the framed photos along the walls; imagining that he’d tell Jaemin about the development of his relationship with Chenle.

He was still unsure on how to label his relationship with Chenle, because he knew they weren’t simply friends but they also weren’t officially dating; just yet. 

He knew that wanted to be able to call Chenle his boyfriend more than anything.

Chenle broke him out of his train of thought, ushering him out the door to begin walking to Jaemin’s room. Jisung had gotten the room number from Eunbi earlier, and there were mini maps along the walls of nearly every hallway so they were able to easily find their way to his new room.

“Can I hold your hand?” Chenle asked as they walked.

Jisung nodded, feeling the smallest blush creep onto his cheeks as Chenle’s fingers slipped through his. They approached the room together, being let in by a nurse after knocking on the door. 

Jaemin was in the bed, looking more tired than usual, but a smile still graced his face as his friends approached. Jisung was surprised that the other boys weren’t there yet however. He thought Jeno would be here at least; but supposed they were too busy with idol schedules.

“How are you feeling?” Jisung asked, standing next to Jaemin’s bed.

“Good,” Jaemin hummed, “What’s the time?”

“It’s still nine am,” Chenle said, making his presence known. Jisung noted that that was probably another reason for Jaemin’s members being absent.

Jaemin nodded, proceeding to look around the room in a daze. The nurses were busy at the sides, moving trays around whilst keeping an eye on Jaemin for any concerns that could arise. Jaemin encouraged the others to take a seat, moving in his bed so he was seated upright.

“How was the surgery?” Jisung asked.

“I don’t really remember much,” Jaemin responded, “I guess it went alright, otherwise I probably wouldn’t be lying here days later.” He laughed.

Chenle felt a bit awkward as the others chatted up a storm between each other, so he pulled his phone out and scrolled through his recent messages. There was one sitting there, from his mother, that he’d been avoiding for a solid few days. He just didn’t have the mindset to deal with her when he was focused on enjoying his time with Jisung.

His finger hovered over the conversation before the door swung open, and the nurses' hurried feet were enough to make everyone panic.

Standing in the doorway was Hyunwoo, and he didn’t look nice at all. Chenle was scared, but pushed himself forward, defending the others.

“Why are you here?” 

Hyunwoo smirked, looking at Jisung, “Miss me?”

**Author's Note:**

> please leave kudos & comments <3
> 
> [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/aurensle?s=21)


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